our hunch was right

We're having another...

What an awesome privilege to raise boys in a world that needs a few more good men! And... I'll still be able to sign our family letters "love Adriel & the boys" which I've grown quite fond of. Bonus.

We're so excited to think about the bond of brothers and how much fun they will have together. No doubt they will keep me busy (and in the kitchen!), but I am genuinely glad to be welcoming another little dude into the family and let his tiny heart invade mine own. Levi has made me fall in love with little boys in a way that I never thought possible. And of course Ryan is thrilled to have another member of the soccer team. Or basketball team. Or football team. Whatever. (Joke, people! They can join the ballet for all we care.)

Now it's onto the challenge of thinking of boy names, which we find much harder than girls names!

Baby is 19 weeks along and we look forward to my doctors appointment next week to hear all of the results of the scan. Can't believe this pregnancy is nearly half finished already! Yikes. It is flying by.

We love our baby boy Booker and thank God for his precious life.

Dear friends, that's all from me today. Just wanted to share our wonderful news! Do you have any advice for being a mom to boys?? And in celebration of one year of the Memos (and boys all around!) make sure to check out my pregnancy and baby-related giveaways below.

love, adriel & the boys xx

Yay! YOU get presents in honor of 

MY birthday! How fun is that??

Enter to win The Pregnancy Companion. 

Win it for yourself or to give as a gift to an expecting friend.

Just leave a comment here. Giveaway closes May 15, 2011.

Enter to win a Peekabooby nursing cover!

Leave a comment here. Giveaway ends May 20, 2011.

Are you an expecting mama? Link up with the 

Bloggin' Babes and Babies of 2011 here.

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

every woman needs a pregnancy companion

[GIVEAWAY CLOSED and comments are now disabled for this post.]

On Monday it will be my one-year blogaversary of the Memos. I’m so grateful for what’s unfolded over the course of one short year… but more about that on Monday.

For today I’ve got some very exciting news...

In celebration of my blogaversary and Mothers Day this weekend, I am offering an exciting give-away!

Although I plan to do a more comprehensive review next month, I wanted to let you know about this fabulous book on Mothers Day weekend while your mind is already on all things mom-related: The Pregnancy Companion.

The Pregnancy Companion is a faith-based pregnancy book co-written by Jessica Wolstenholm and Dr. Heather Rupe (OB/GYN) where they seamlessly bring medicine and faith together to help women navigate not only the physical aspects of pregnancy, but also the emotional, psychological, and spiritual aspects of life as an expecting mom.

Think of it as a trusted girlfriend’s advice and your doctor’s recommendations all rolled up into one fabulous package.

I first met Jessica when she began following the Memos and was thrilled to eventually learn of her book release. When her publishers offered me a copy to review and the opportunity to do a give-away for my readers, I immediately said yes. I don’t do many reviews and giveaways on the Memos, but this one fit too well to decline.

Originally I planned on reading through the entire book before agreeing to do a give-away. I wanted to make sure it was something I would be able to personally recommend. But now—half-way through—I’m already recommending it to all the pregnant women I know and trying not to race through it too fast so that I can soak it all in. I thought that was a good enough reason to get a jump-start and recommend it to you now.

The Pregnancy Companion is perfect for expecting first-time moms, moms of subsequent pregnancies, and even women who are trying to conceive (including a section for pre-conception). It also includes Jessica's experience with multiple miscarriages and loss, as well as her difficulty conceiving. There is something in this book for every woman who is—or longs to be—pregnant. 


Win it for yourself or to give as a baby shower gift. (Warning: doing so might make you walk away with the “Best Gift Giver of the Shower” title.)

There are several ways you can enter. Choose one or all of the following:

1. Minimum entry: Leave a comment! It's that easy. No mandatory follow required. :)

Additional entries:

1. Follow the Memos through GFC or RSS or email subscription. (See links on the sidebar.)
2. “Like” the Memos on our new facebook fan page.
3. Follow the Pregnancy Companion blog (Please do! You won’t be disappointed with Jessica and Dr. Rupe’s fabulous articles.)
4. “Like” the Pregnancy Companion on facebook. 
5. Blog about this give-away. (Make sure to leave me the link in a comment so I can visit.)
6. Tweet about this give-away, including my twitter handle (@mommyhoodmemos) and the Pregnancy Companion’s handle (@pregnancypal) up to once per day. (Make sure to leave a comment here telling me that you've tweeted to count as your entry.)

For each of the above entries, you MUST leave a separate comment. I will choose the winner randomly from within the comments, so if you only leave one comment saying you’ve done four of the above, it will only count as one entry. Otherwise, I will get lost in the numbers - blech!

Giveaway closes on May 20, 2011. I will announce the winner the following week.

Please note: I was given a book for this review and give-away but all opinions expressed are genuine and my own. I will be posting another, more comprehensive review next month and giving away two more copies of the book. So if you don’t win the first time around, you will have another chance soon!

Dear friends, I wish every one of you could get your hands on a copy of this excellent book – both an insightful and practical resource as well as an encouragement and inspiration. Good luck!

loving my pregnancy companion,

P.S. Thank you for your amazing response to Bloggers for Birth Kits. In six days we're up to 632 kits donated, 35 blog posts spreading the word, over 200 links shared on facebook (I lost count!), and tons of tweets (#B4BirthKits). I'm blown away by your response. I even woke up to an email this morning from a friend saying he had purchased www.BloggersForBirthKits.com for me and forwarded it to my post. Talk about legit! Again, THANK YOU for donating, for promoting such an important cause, and for helping to save the lives of mums and bubs in Papua New Guinea. If you haven't yet, it’s not too late to get involved. The details are here.





Are you an expecting mama? Link up with the Bloggin' Babes and Babies of 2011 here.

Hooray! This week we're...

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

enough is enough

How do you make room in your life for baby number two?

As much as I feel my heart is big enough for another child, I sometimes feel as if my head is not. (Not to mention my energy supply.)

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our new baby and how carrying her* is so much different to carrying our first.

{24 weeks pregnant with baby #1}

When I was pregnant with Levi, so much of my little internal world revolved around thoughts of him, thoughts of impending motherhood, thoughts of how our world was turning upside-down.

And yet with the new baby it is so different. So much of my headspace is already taken up with thoughts of how to care for Levi: How can I get him to eat his veggies? Is it possible to make him sleep in a little longer in the mornings? (9:00am would be good *wink*.) When should I start potty training him or moving him from a crib to a bed? How do I discipline well and how do I keep my cool when he’s having a tantrum? How will I take care of him while meeting the demands of a newborn?

So many thoughts and questions… and so often pointing back to him.

And then I feel guilty. Guilty that I think of him far more than I think of my new baby. Or, more accurately, that I don't think of my new baby the same way I thought of Levi throughout my first pregnancy.

I feel like perhaps I should be more aware of my pregnancy… more in tune with my growing baby… more something.

And yet I know that baby is tucked up in my womb receiving everything from me that he* needs, and at the same time God is forming and fashioning him to be the person who he is and will be. It’s all happening just right, just perfectly, despite where my headspace is during the whole process.

I know there will come a time when she* is my arms and I will struggle with guilt in the same way related to Levi. I will be breastfeeding her around the clock, changing her diapers a thousand times more than Levi’s, ooo-ing over her little infant milestones like her first smile, holding her head up, and rolling over… while Levi, no doubt, will be vying for some of his old attention back.

It will be a tension to work out then, but it is not one to worry about now.

And I guess parenting is like that. Being a mom is like that.

There will always be a tension between all that I desire to do and the reality of what I actually can do.

I will never think of my babies enough, pray for them enough, nurture them enough, train and teach and coach them enough, listen to them enough, spend time with them enough.

But this I know – I will always love them enough. My love will be as deep and as wide as is humanly possible from a dedicated—yet imperfect—parent. And where I fall short there will be others there to fill in the gaps: their daddy, extended family, dear friends, even God himself.

And that is what gives me comfort when I have those “I will never be enough” thoughts.

Because the amount of my headspace taken up by thoughts of my new baby is no indication of how I feel about him*. As simplistic as it sounds, it really is just a casualty of a very busy, very emotionally and physically draining, and very intense (yet still precious and fun!) season of life that I'm already in as a new(ish) mom of a toddler.

My new baby is loved, incredibly loved, and that—combined with my commitment to parent to the best of my ability—is enough.

Dear friends, do you ever feel like your ‘enough’ isn’t enough? If so, what do you do to tame the negative, guilt-ridden thoughts running through your mind?

loving my babies, parenting as best i can, and believing it's enough,

*Since I don't yet know the gender of baby #2 (and since I don't like to call him/her "it") I have alternated between masculine and feminine pronouns by paragraph. Hopefully it's not too confusing.

Are you an expecting mom? Have you linked-up yet?

Join the Bloggin' Babes and Babies of 2011.

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

are you pregnant? link up your bump!

I have lost track of how many of my blogging friends are pregnant - there are just so dang many!

To celebrate all of the beautiful babies of 2011 (and their mamas!), I thought we could do a link-up! All you need to do is link-up your blog below and then visit whoever you'd like. (Everyone loves to have buddies to journey through pregnancy with, right?!) Just link-up your blog's url, don't worry about linking to a specific post (unless you'd like to). That way your visitors will get whatever is fresh!

I've left lots of space in the linky for you to enter your title... so when you do so, enter your name, blog title, AND your due date so you have the option to visit people who are going through pregnancy at a similar stage as you.

Feel free to let your other expecting bloggy friends know about this link-up too - I will leave it up until the end of the year. Let's see how much of the pregnant sector of the blogosphere we can round-up!!

Also, while we're on the subject of pregnancy and babies... here are a few of my best pregnancy and birth posts from the archives in case you are new here, or in case you'd just like a refresher:

• A practical and helpful post: A girlfriend's tips and tricks for mamas-to-be
• A mushy and sentimental post: Birth is holy, treat it as such 
• A snarky and sarcastic post: Dear Natural Birth Club
• An all-in-one post: 100 things you've just got to know {about pregnancy, birth, and becoming a mom}

Alright my beautiful mama-to-be friends, happy linking! Here's to healthy, happy pregnancies... and lots and lots of amazing, adorable babies in 2011!! 

glowing with you,

p.s. Feel free to right-click and copy the image url from above if you'd like to use the image in a post. I'm not going to make a button at the moment! :) And if decide to write a post, please make sure to leave the link in a comment and let me know so that I don't miss it!!

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

Please leave your name, blog title, and due date:

example: Adriel @ the mommyhood memos (due Oct 7)

i love getting kicked in the gut

I thought I was imagining it.

About a week and a half ago I thought I felt the baby kicking. But no, surely 12 weeks was too early, right? Right?!

I googled "how early can you feel the second baby kicking?" and found all sorts of answers from all sorts of moms professing their experiences. Some claimed they felt it early - very early.

So... maybe, just maybe I did feel it.

But I really wasn't sure. It was just too early to tell.

{this is the most recent photo i had to go with
the post. it was two weekends ago when my husband
and i went out on a hot date for our anniversary.}

And then last night that all changed.

We were at a friend's house ooo-ing and ah-ing over their precious little newborn son and - while I held this prefect bundle of joy to my chest - I felt it again.

Clunk, thump, bump, pop. 

This time I was sure it was my little one kicking. (Maybe s/he was just so darn excited to meet a future playmate?!) I've since felt the kicking four times throughout this evening. LOVE!

What an amazing feeling when your little one begins making his/her presence known in ways that don't involve fatigue, indigestion, and insomnia!

Talk about Special. (Yes, Special with a capital.)

There is nothing like a little kick in the guts to get a pregnant woman swooning.

*Swoon*

I'm now 13-and-a-half weeks along and feeling this baby much sooner than I felt Levi's first kicks. It's incredible. Truly.

I am so in love.

Dear friends, when did you feel your baby's first kicks? If you have more than one child, did you feel the kicks of subsequent children sooner??

getting a kick out of being kicked,


p.s. I wrote this post last night and scheduled it for today. Not that y'all care, but just so that the record is straight for me when I look back and fill in the details on baby's personal blog. First kicks felt on Monday, April 4th at 13 weeks and 2 days along! :)

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

i want one of these

So... lately I've been obsessing over this photo that we have on our fridge:

I can sometimes be found with a milk jug in one hand, the open fridge door in the other, gawking at this glorious photo while time stands still.

I look at that little bundle of heaven I had in my arms and can't believe that my spunky, hilarious, strong, independent, quick, sweet, talkative, constantly-on-the-go toddler easily fit within the length of my forearm not that long ago.

I just want another one of those.

If I wasn't already pregnant I'd be trying to be.

Cuz I just want another one of those. Oh wait, I already said that.

I want to hold an itty-bitty, teeny-tiny child and know that s/he's mine to love, and laugh with, and learn from... as long as I have breath.

Lucky for me that in 27 weeks I get to do it all over again.

Those beautiful expressions on our faces - Enthralled Mama and Proud Papa? They will make another grand entrance.

Yup, 27ish more weeks.

I can't wait.

Take your time sweet baby. Although I can't wait... this mama can wait. Grow well. Grow strong. Grow healthy. This is the only time we'll ever have together when I don't have to share you with the world.

excited is an understatement,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
  do not reproduce without written permission

heaven and a donut: a pregnant woman’s living wish

I never used my golden ticket.

Nine long months and not once did I demand pad thai or cinnamon raisin bagels or Honey Nut Cheerios.

I suppose I’m lucky to say that my only lingering regret from my first pregnancy was never cashing in on my free pass to satisfy my every hormonal urge and craving. (Not counting my perfectly reasonable obsession with crushed ice by the bucket during my final two months. Side note: unless you are Indiana Jones or Houdini you just. won't. find. snow. in tropical Australia in the dead of summer... or the dead of winter for that matter. Crushed ice will just have to do.)

But no, my golden ticket sat collecting dust on the shelf while I happily munched on ice and my belly grew to busting point.

What a waste of power.

But this time, things are different.

I’m older. I’m wiser. I’m… hungrier.

I was eleven weeks along when I went out last weekend for a girls’ night out with friends. I had contentedly sipped my Sprite for two hours when my first craving hit me like a hurricane.

Donuts. Front and center, they stole the stage of my mind and took my every thought hostage.

All I wanted was one. Or maybe two. 

Three at the most.

I wasn't asking for anything fancy, just cinnamon donuts… a whim easily satisfied by a quick detour to the grocery store on our way home.

I loaded up my accommodating girlfriends and headed to the only supermarket in town still open. It was 9:57pm when we pulled into the parking lot (yes, shops do close that early here, even on a Saturday night). I was determined to be in an out in record time with my precious cargo.

After a frantic and fruitless search of the bakery section (twice), I left defeated and dejected.

There were no donuts. Not even a trace.

My head hung low, my shoulders slumped, the sparkle stolen from my eyes…

They locked the doors behind me at 10:02pm as I left empty-handed. It was in that moment that I wished my belly was just a little bit bigger. Then maybe somebody would feel sorry for me.

I just wanted a little sympathy.

And a donut.

My girlfriends tried to console me as best they could and I resigned to the fact that perhaps this pregnancy wouldn’t be so different than the first. After all…

I am woman. I am strong. I can live without donuts.

Yes, yes, yes!

I am woman.   I am strong.    I.  can.  live.  without.  donuts.

The next morning I woke to a gloomy, rainy day. It was Sunday—our day—and we decided to head to the mall, if just to have a place that Levi could run his little size four sneakers free without getting hammered by the torrential downpour that drenched our day-at-the-beach plans.

As soon as we stepped into the mall my husband turned to me and said these magic words: “How about we go and get a coffee and donuts?”

Right there on the spot I fell in love with that man all over again.

He knew not of my fruitless endeavors of the night before. He knew not that the baby and his* mama needed donuts.

And honestly, we aren’t even “donut people”. Ryan’s suggestion was left field… but sounded to me like a song from heaven. Surely Someone Divine whispered that thought into his mind. Surely.

I got my donut without so much as a whine or a fuss… or even a golden ticket.

In fact, I got two. Two fresh, warm, dunk-able cinnamon donuts.

Donuts have never tasted sweeter.

I have a sneaking suspicion my second pregnancy is going to be fabulous.

###

Dear friends, did you have cravings during your pregnancies? During my first it was ice, ice, and more ice. (Only because I couldn’t figure out how to get snow shipped in from my parents in Oregon.) During my second I’ve only had the one-off donut craving so far…. But we’ll see where it takes me. And you? How much did you use your golden ticket??

happy about my sweetie bringing me sweets,

*No, we don't know the gender of the baby yet. I just despise using the pronoun "it" for my child. Sometimes the English language is highly frustrating...

Also friends, this post is part of my Reclaiming Sundays project. For the record, our "gloomy, rainy day" turned out to be a perfect family day filled with muffled mall music, fake rides on a stationary Thomas the Train, and of course wonderful donuts. How were you deliberate in taking some time to enjoy those close to you this weekend?

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

losing a baby

I’ve read that one in four women have experienced a miscarriage. I’ve also read that 75% of women have had what’s called a “chemical pregnancy” – one that’s over almost before it starts. (Most women simply assume they had a late period.)

Recently this really hit home.

my teeny tiny nine week bump. let's be honest... it's definitely more bloating than baby. 

Within the last couple of months I’ve had two good friends experience a miscarriage and a stillbirth. One was seven weeks along, the other was twenty-one weeks along… far enough to feel the baby kicking and have the gender identified.

Both of these losses hit me hard.

I’ve not experienced a miscarriage for myself, and I pray to God I never will, but since having a child of my own I feel like I can begin to imagine (in a greater, more accurate way) the trauma and loss that losing a baby leaves you with.

With my first pregnancy (Levi) I remember being so fearful every time I went to the bathroom for the first few days… always hoping and praying that there would be no blood, no sign of life cut short. For me, the one thing that helped me to overcome that fear was my faith and belief in God.

One day—convinced that being fearful wasn’t doing my unborn baby or me any good—I prayed to God and told him that I would entrust my little baby’s life to his care. Even though my husband and I prayed a similar prayer when we first got those two positive stripes, I needed to go back to God alone and dig further within my own heart to find an even deeper sincerity. I asked for help so that I could cease being fearful, and I “handed over” my pregnancy and that precious little vulnerable life to God.

That day a burden lifted and I didn’t struggle with fear surrounding the pregnancy again.

My second pregnancy has been harder. Though not typically a fearful person, I’ve again struggled with a fear of losing this new baby. I think there are a few reasons for it – the first being that I’ve just stood by two dear friends as they’ve endured the heartache of losing unborn babies, both situations being incredibly painful.

I think another reason is that the loss of my second friend’s baby was so unexpected. She had well and truly entered what most would consider the “safe zone”. She was feeling him kick every day. She had her growing, beautiful second trimester belly. And—after her 21-week-old baby was delivered stillborn—she and her husband were able to hold that tiny, perfectly formed body while they named him and then let him go.

And finally—perhaps the most confronting reason—is now that I have a child of my own, I have such an increased awareness of what I have to lose. The cost of loss seems so much more real, and so far beyond anything I ever want endure paying.

The stakes are incredibly high.

I have no doubt that losing a baby would be traumatic and heartbreaking and absolutely awful for any mother, and I would never want to belittle anyone’s experience. But for a mother who’s already had the experience of knowing how much life changes, how much your heart expands, how much love is at stake… well that’s an awareness that must bring things to a whole new level.

I realize that every woman deals with this kind of loss differently, and by no means am I an expert or would I put myself forward with any depth of personal revelation other than that which any mother shares – the weight of knowing how much love for a child one’s heart can hold and the reality of life moving to another dimension after children have invaded your world.

In saying all that, this pregnancy has been much harder for me mentally and emotionally so far.

Instead of holding my breath for the first several days like with my first pregnancy, I was holding my breath for the first several weeks… praying, hoping, hanging on, treading lightly with more fear than the first and more dread each time I visited the ladies room. There was a very real battle raging in my head between what I knew to be true and yet the possibility of what “could be”.

I still have my faith in God. I still trust Him with this little life. And that has helped me immensely… In fact, it’s been my lifeline. But this time around it’s been a bigger effort for me to trust, relax, and believe that it’s all going to be okay.

Thankfully, I’m now at the place where I’m resting with my heart and mind at peace, knowing that my little one is in good hands. S/he’s healthy, growing, developing just as s/he should.

And with the awareness that life will always be bigger than us and that there will always be circumstances beyond our control, I’m trying to be even more deliberate to be thankful for every single day that this precious baby is ours.

Dear friends, this is such a sensitive topic, and I hesitated for weeks writing about it since I’ve not experienced losing a baby for myself. But since it is something every pregnant woman is faced with to one degree or another, I decided to write about some of my process. Did you struggle with fear during pregnancy? And if you feel up to “going there” may I ask about how the reality of losing a baby has effected you, your pregnancies, or your outlook on life?

grateful to be overcoming fear one day at a time,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011 
do not reproduce without written permission

the tired monster ate my... self

My husband assures me that I felt the same way during my last pregnancy. And by “same way” I mean dog-tired, highly emotional, and basically feeling like a train wreck on thin ice.

I don’t remember it that way at all.

I remember dreaming about tiny fingers and toes, diligently looking through baby name books, and making lists of things I wanted to stock the nursery with.

This time around is different though. This time around, I have tiny little fingers grabbing at me non-stop, tiny little toes running in circles around me, and no motivation or energy to look through lists of names I already know I don’t like.

And of course the nursery is already fully stocked.

But feeling like a walking zombie who—at any given moment—is ready to turn into a werewolf and do some serious damage to anyone in my path? That I don’t remember at all.

Apparently I just don’t have a great memory. (And I don’t have a blog to go back and refer to since I didn’t start blogging until Levi was close to four months old.)

My memory fails me.

I can’t remember feeling like if I couldn’t get a nap somewhere in the day I just might keel over and die. (I’m not trying to be dramatic here… I seriously feel that way often at the moment.) I don’t remember feeling overwhelmed with exhaustion to the point of tears every other day. And I certainly don’t remember wanting to a) bite someone’s head off on a regular basis or b) burst into deep sobs of frustration at any given moment in time.

when you're this tired... even airport floors look appealing

So this is a post in which I am whining. It’s so unbecoming isn’t it? I know. (I tell my one-year-old that all the time, though he doesn’t completely understand how unbecoming just yet. And—no doubt—I’m giving him a shining example.)

I feel like I’m failing, like I’m not being my “best self”. No one is getting my best – not my husband, not Levi, not friends, not my work, not God, and not even myself. Everyone’s getting the scraps that are left-over from the savage Tired Monster that’s sucking away all my physical and emotional energy.

The tank is low folks, and the fuel light is most definitely on.

“This will pass,” my husband reassures me, and of course I know he’s right.

But in the meantime I’m having a hard time keeping it all together.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a great life. I have support. I have an amazing I’ll-cook-dinner-AND-do-the-dishes sort of husband. I have plenty of moments of laughter and amusement during my day as I watch my sweet toddler grow and discover and work his magic on me.

I’m just kind-of wanting to fast-forward another four weeks or so to that golden second trimester. (Yes, I think most of my pregnancy memories are from the glorious middle.)

And yet I don’t want to be that lady either. You know, that lady who whines and complains and basks in self-pity. I don’t want to be that lady that thinks that because I’m pregnant the world should suddenly start revolving around me. And most of all I don’t want to be that lady who takes for granted the miracle of carrying and growing babies in the first place.

So, admitting that I’d give almost anything to just pack it all in and have a good, long, uninterrupted nap… I’m gonna buck up. I’m gonna be a grown-up. I’m gonna tidy up the house and change over the laundry and think about what to make for dinner.

I’m gonna give thanks for the nice home I sit in, the over-the-top gorgeous and hilarious and healthy kid that calls me “mama”, and the dream boat I get to curl up with every night.

I’m gonna look on the bright side, remember how privileged I am to get to carry a baby in the first place, and thank God that he trusts me enough to give me a second Gift in the form of a child.

I’m gonna dream about my little raspberry and love him or her without reservation from the very depths of my heart.

For every moment of exhaustion and every over-exaggerated emotion I will try to remind myself that these are very, very, very small sacrifices that many women would gladly accept in a heartbeat if it meant growing and birthing a child of her own.

And hopefully I can keep my fangs under wraps for just a few more weeks… until this short little phase passes.

Dear friends, do you remember feeling like this during your first trimester? I know it’s normal… yet I still struggle to feel normal! How did you cope during those first few months when you feel so miserable and don't even have a massive belly to show for it all?

yawn,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011 
do not reproduce without written permission

two stripes means positive

Yes, it's baby-growing season in the Booker home.

Thank you so, so much for all of your congratulations and comments and emails!

The most fun part of my announcement was that after I posted I got four emails from other pregnant moms who've yet to announce publicly, but wanted to let me in on their secret. Soooooo fun!!! (And don't worry ladies, your precious secret is safe with me. *wink, wink* I can't wait until you're "public" and we can all track together.)


And to answer your questions:

No, it wasn't an accident.

Yes, we were trying... or not, not trying to be more accurate. (Only this last month by the way - we aren't completely crazy... just a little.)

Yes, we were still incredibly shocked that it happened SO FAST this time around.

Yes, even though we were shocked we were also RELIEVED that it didn't take months of tracking and trying and waiting. (We are so, so blessed and we know that and don't take it for granted.)

My due date is October 7th. That means I'm seven weeks along.

Yes, I'm aware that it's early to be sharing our news... but we'd rather people know about our little one and be praying for him/her and me through the early days.

Yes, we will find out the gender when we can.

No, we won't keep it a secret.

Yes, we have a girl name picked out.

No, we don't have a boy name decided yet. (We both think boys names are way harder to come up with!)

No, we probably won't share the name. (I would, but Ryan prefers to keep it for the big day - you know, to have a Lion King moment - and I'm totally okay with that. Give the man his moment - he deserves it!)

Yes, it would be sweet to have a girl... but I love Levi so much that the thought of having another boy is very appealing too.

No, I don't know "how" I will have the baby yet. I only know that my (unplanned) c-section disqualified me from future births at my local birthing centre. BUT I can still receive partial midwifery care through our regular hospital. (I still have much to learn/research... so let me just digest the fact that I'm pregnant first. *grin*)

Yes, I am totally freaked out by the thought of having two babies twenty months apart.

Yes, I like the idea of having children close together in age. Very much.

No, I wouldn't change a thing... even though I am a little nervous.

Yes, I am glad to have the next several months to try and prepare myself... and to try and take a nap.

Yes, naps have moved waaaaaaay up the priority list as of late. (I should be taking one now in fact.)

No, I can't possibly begin to imagine loving another child as much as I love my first born treasure... but all those more experienced than me tell me that my heart will grow with my belly. And I believe them. :)

Yes, I totally looked at the baby clothes section when I was in Target this weekend. (Looked, just looked.)

No, I'm not done pinching myself to make sure that it's true.

No, I don't feel sick. Just a little tired and a couple of headaches. And hungry. Always hungry.

Yes, we are ABSOLUTELY THRILLED.

Dear friends, thank you again for all of the congratulations you've sent my way via comments, facebook, and emails. It's meant a lot to me and I'm so glad you're excited with us! Now, did I cover all of your questions??! ;)

letting it all sink in,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

big brother levi??!

I searched and searched for the right t-shirt (ok, I went to three stores) but I couldn't find one anywhere... so I had to make Levi this one instead:

I didn't take into account how much the word "brother" would stretch over his little tummy... but I love it.

In other news, it's soooo weird to think that my baby boy is now a big brother!!!

But yes, that's right friends, all FOUR of us made it safely through Cyclone Yasi last week.

Finding an open store to buy a pregnancy test and confirm my suspicions two days after the cyclone? Well, that was another issue all together!

But eventually I found one.

Ok, two.

Just had to be sure, you know?

Dear friends, what are you expecting in 2011? :)

excited to be expecting,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011 
do not reproduce without written permission

dear natural birth club, P.S.

A while back I wrote a post called Dear Natural Birth Club. To date it’s one of my most-clicked, most-forwarded posts.

Probably because it’s a little controversial. And it's also a little sarcastic. (It was never intended to be a serious dig… just a stir-the-pot-and-get-you-thinking sort of post.)

And probably because it touches something close to the heart of every mother – childbirth.

I got some wonderful and insightful comments from this post and wanted to share some of them with you to keep the conversation going.

A tiny bit of background in case you haven't read my original letter: I had planned to have a water birth without medication, but ended up with a C-section because my little munchkin was an undetected breech. And you know what? I’m okay with that. Sure, I had to deal with some feelings of disappointment and the emotions that come with unmet expectations, but I really was over-the-moon about the birth of my firstborn and the fact that it was a low-stress, smooth birth (all things considering). Because of course I knew that a birth plan is just that: a birth plan... And things don't always go according to plan, now do they? {grin}

And yet in the months after my birth, I kept feeling as if I was hearing so much negativity about births like mine. Not mine specifically; just those like mine. And well, that made me... a little ticked off. 

Because we all know that a healthy birth is a successful one. (God knows, many women aren't as lucky as we are to have the care and expertise that we are offered in our hospitals and birthing centers.) 


Who are we to judge each others' choices and experiences?

So the hot topic: To give birth with drugs and interventions... or to give birth naturally? 

It is a sensitive issue isn't it? And one we don't always have a choice about.

Of course it’s not the only parenting hot topic. There’s also breastfeeding, sleep training, discipline methods, staying home or working outside the home, and so many other parenting preferences and choices! Ohmygoodness.

If you haven’t read Dear Natural Birth Club, you may want to visit first here. But even if you don’t, the comments below speak for themselves. (Please note that this is only a selection of the comments from that original post. Although I greatly appreciate all comments, these are the ones I thought relevant to a follow-up post.)

Thanks to my readers for some wonderful contributions to the discussion.... I love your insight, expertise, opinions, and thoughtfulness.

Hannah said...

LOL, I am so going to join your group. I also had every intention of joining the "pushed", even though I did push for four hours with my first. I didn't get to join with either of my boys, they too had their own plans on how they were coming into this world.

Livy said...

I did have a sorta-natural birth. If you count pitocin + no pain meds. I just did it that way because I was more scared of an epidural than pain. I don't tell everyone. Only if they ask.

It doesn't really matter how our children got here, only that they DID get here and safely at that.

I am learning more and more as I go how many different clubs there are in mommyhood. We can never do everything "right." I am trying to not care and just do things the way I feel.

Mandy said...

I know how you feel!! I was one of those that intended to join the natural childbirth club as well. And although I was able to deliver vaginally, my son had plan to make it a bit harder and almost impossible to do so. One thing I've learned about childbirth, is that it rarely goes according to our plan. It's unpredictable and all we can do is be proud of ourselves, regardless of the way it went. We have our beautiful babies to show for it, right?

Amy Sullivan said...

As an unintentional member of the Natural Birth Club (way, way fast birth...didn't even make it to the hospital), I'd like to say it's not as fab as everyone claims.

Emily @ Finding My Aloha said...

I totally feel ya on this one! I am a card toting organic lifestyle person. I have been living green long before it was cool. However, never once did I ever think I wanted to have a natural birth. It grossed me out and I cannot understand why people would intentionally put themselves through pain. I have heard all the arguments and I STILL don't get it. I have an inherent problem with the argument that it is a rite of passage. You have got to be kidding me! Like pregnancy, birth, 10, 12, 2, 4, & 6am feedings, spit up, uncontrollable crying, hormones, and all the other "joys" of motherhood isn't rite of passage enough. I do not understand why people make this all such a big deal. We are all moms, thats all that really matters. Thanks for sharing. It sure is a hot subject.

Maryline said...

I know exactly where you are coming from, a girlfriend of mine felt so disappointed she had a C-section when she really wanted to push. But today? She's the same happy mommy she would have been.

Truth is it does not matter. It's like the natural birth club -- who hands out the medals again? Now come on, give yourself a pat on the shoulder and go on. Good work momma.

Anna said...

I am not a part of that club as well. Disappointing. Yes. Felt like a failure in my first job as a mom. However, on the flip side, I now have 3 healthy children all delivered via the zipper. They are turning out very well, so I have succeeded in many other areas. 

cooperl788 said...

Getting the baby out, however way it happens, is hard work and not something to feel superior about

Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) said...

It is so very true, we all give birth...it may not always turn out as planned, but no one way is better than others. I can certainly understand your disappointment and heartache having planned and dreamed this day for 9 months.

I like your club: The Mamas Who Gave Birth and I think it was clever and well written...Congratulations and I think you're an amazing Mama!

The Planet Pink said...

I don't understand why we have to belong to a club at all *shrug* But if we have to, I'm a member of both. The natural birth club x3 (does that make me president?) and the line across my belly club x 1. I can safely say (since I go to both meetings) that with the exception of the vocal minority (which ALWAYS try to speak for the entire group), both clubs are greatly misunderstood by each other. And I can also confidently say that unless you are a part of both clubs, you will never fully understand the other side. My suggestion is to assume positive intent and move on. In fact I think I shall resign my membership to both and just be me....

Amy said...

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes moms can make each other feel bad for not doing this or that...without meaning to. I feel confident that what I did/do is OK. I am a wimp, so I went for the epidural the 1st time. Second time? Baby came WAY too fast and I had no choice but to go au natural. Both times all that mattered was the cute little guy who came out of it.

LauraCYMFT said...

Tsk! Can't stand there are so called clubs like these! Does it really matter how baby is born so long as both baby and mother are healthy and well afterwards?!

~Lisa~ said...

I was a breeched baby and I tell you what, it is harder to have a c-section than a natural birth.

hannah said...

Congratulations and welcome to the C-Section Club! You've expressed some things I have felt too as a c-section mommy (placenta previa for me instead of breach).

I have felt many of the same things you've expressed, although it's definitely from my own judgment of myself rather than that of others. Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to be the perfect mom because I feel like I couldn't do the first thing I should have as a mom--just get him out. Remember that giving birth, having major surgery, and the combination of the two are things you have to recover from mentally and emotionally as well as physically!

Laura Elliott said...

I've never really thought about myself as part of a club, I'm just me.

I wanted a natural birth without drugs, I got the natural part in the sense that I didn't need a c section but I had every drug I could - pethidine, gas, epidural. In the end all that mattered was that we were both healthy.

I tried breastfeeding but it drove me and my daughter to tears. Probably should have stuck it out longer but I was struggling so much. I swapped to formula and from there it all got a whole lot easier.

I stayed at home for a while but I felt like I had cabin fever. Sometimes I feel guilty because I didn't cut it as a stay at home mum. I loved going back to work and I now work four days per week.

There are so many choices. Everyone has their own unique story. At the end of the day a baby is born and that is a wonderful and beautiful thing.

Thanks for the post as it got me thinking and it has reminded me to be careful to not put people into categories and make them feel like they don't fit in.

KimD said...

From the first day I found out I was prego (on my birthday) I knew that 1. no breastfeeding 2. oh heck yeah pain meds 3. I'm not giving up coffee for 9 months. Ooh some heads are spinning now!!!!) I went to the hospital the night before my scheduled induction to make sure I wouldn't miss that epidural window of opportunity! 

Justine said...

Hi Adriel, I didn't realize there was such a divide between the two camps of mamas. I am not even sure why there would be one. But I guess life is like high school over and over again regardless of where you are in life. Cliques, groups, haves, have-nots - we do the best we can to navigate around these I suppose. 

Lynda said...

Thank you Adriel. After what happened with my births and my chronic low supply, I say eff all the clubs. I don't want to be a member, even honorary, of any of them. I have some amazingly supportive, like-minded friends. I think that's all that matters.

Enjoy Birth said...

I love your post. It helps remind us moms to be less judgmental of each other! Each birth is unique and special.  I am sorry you didn't get a chance to have the birth you hoped and planned for, but so happy that you are glad about your birth. You actually helped me remember it is mom and baby who help shape a birth.

Jill L said...

Hey, the fact that you had a baby makes you a supermom :) I pushed Eva out, but had to get an epidural just about one or two hours before the pushing began, I have a very low threshold for pain and pass out because of it (I actually have a medical condition related to this, neurocardiogenic syncope). Actually, by the grace of God, I didn't pass out during labor, but when I started to get very close to it, I decided drugs were better than me passing out all the time which would just complicate things. So, I to did not have Eva "naturally", however, for my body make up, I think I actually am a superwoman. I'm quite proud of myself for how long I did make it naturally with labor.

How you feel about your labor experience is how I feel about my breastfeeding experience. I still find myself sometimes struggling with the fact that I had to give it up.

Anonymous said...

You ALL belong to a club I wanted to join and couldn't . . . I am an infertile mom and now proud adoptive mother of FIVE, all girls (25, 20, 13, and 6 year old twins) . . . there were many times I felt like I had been black-balled from YOUR club. Not so much anymore, but please respect that we are ALL moms: those who foster children, those who adopt, those grandparents who raise their grandkids. We all need to stick together!!!

{In closing.} 

Isn’t this a great variety of perspectives? And really, when you boil it right down... we all have the same message: have your baby in a healthy way, don't judge others or be exclusive, and don't be insecure about the way your own birth(s) unfolded. Of course I’m totally oversimplifying here... but you get what I'm saying.

And this is why clubs are dangerous: they make it “us and them” when really there is nothing more unifying than having a shared experience like childbirth anyway. Or to take that a step even further: to have the shared experience of parenthood full stop.

Dear friends, isn’t this a hot topic?! Would you care to add to the conversation about your experience becoming a mom... whether it be with or without drugs, or with or without pushing? Or even with or without giving birth?

grateful to have given birth at all,
simply grateful to be a mom,

 

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission