are you pregnant? link up your bump!

I have lost track of how many of my blogging friends are pregnant - there are just so dang many!

To celebrate all of the beautiful babies of 2011 (and their mamas!), I thought we could do a link-up! All you need to do is link-up your blog below and then visit whoever you'd like. (Everyone loves to have buddies to journey through pregnancy with, right?!) Just link-up your blog's url, don't worry about linking to a specific post (unless you'd like to). That way your visitors will get whatever is fresh!

I've left lots of space in the linky for you to enter your title... so when you do so, enter your name, blog title, AND your due date so you have the option to visit people who are going through pregnancy at a similar stage as you.

Feel free to let your other expecting bloggy friends know about this link-up too - I will leave it up until the end of the year. Let's see how much of the pregnant sector of the blogosphere we can round-up!!

Also, while we're on the subject of pregnancy and babies... here are a few of my best pregnancy and birth posts from the archives in case you are new here, or in case you'd just like a refresher:

• A practical and helpful post: A girlfriend's tips and tricks for mamas-to-be
• A mushy and sentimental post: Birth is holy, treat it as such 
• A snarky and sarcastic post: Dear Natural Birth Club
• An all-in-one post: 100 things you've just got to know {about pregnancy, birth, and becoming a mom}

Alright my beautiful mama-to-be friends, happy linking! Here's to healthy, happy pregnancies... and lots and lots of amazing, adorable babies in 2011!! 

glowing with you,

p.s. Feel free to right-click and copy the image url from above if you'd like to use the image in a post. I'm not going to make a button at the moment! :) And if decide to write a post, please make sure to leave the link in a comment and let me know so that I don't miss it!!

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

Please leave your name, blog title, and due date:

example: Adriel @ the mommyhood memos (due Oct 7)

366 days ago i spent the last night alone with my baby

A year ago today I was on the eve of my due date. My parents had flown in from overseas. My best mate was here, armed with the camera and snacks and lots of encouragement. And my husband and I were packed and ready to go.

It was a hot and humid day with sporadic rain showers. Emma and I swam and walked back and forth across the length of the near-by pool while my parents looked on from underneath the shelter and Ryan worked nervously at the office, waiting for a call at any time.

Baby was engaged.

Mama was feeling brave, excited, and at peace.

We were ready to go.

That night I went to bed with excitement, thinking (perhaps hoping) that I'd go into labor that night.

Then, around 2:00am--just hours after Levi's official due date began--my waters broke and the contractions started hard and strong.

I was going to have a baby. My life was about to be turned upside-down.

It wasn't until twelve hours later that I went to the birthing centre. By that time my contractions were consistently three minutes apart and we decided it was time to be in the care of our dear midwife.

Soon after arriving I had an internal examination (well, several of them actually), and then four or five different ultrasounds), only to find out that Levi was breech.

It was against hospital policy to birth breech babies in the birthing centre so I was transferred to the maternity ward and robed up for an unplanned c-section.

Although it wasn't the natural water birth I had desired, I was glad that I was already in labor and things were progressing smoothly. Baby wasn't in distress and neither was I. My body went into labor naturally, so I knew we were both ready. And my contractions were hard and strong and fast... but not so fast that they had to rush me through with urgency.

I can't say that lying in an operating surgery and having someone cut you open to deliver your baby is ideal. I felt passive. I felt a little bit ripped off. I felt an element of sadness.

But mostly I felt relieved. And I felt glad.

I was so fortunate to have my child in a nation where the health care is amazing. Where doctors and nurses and my midwife took incredible care of me. The fact that my child was able to be delivered safely by cesarean was a great comfort, even despite the whirlwind of emotions.

I also felt excitement. I knew that in moments I would be meeting my beautiful boy for the first time.

If I could turn back the clock I would have requested a late term ultra-sound. I'll never know if we would have been able to turn the baby if we'd caught it in time.

If I could turn back time to 5:46pm on Friday, January 26, 2010 I would have insisted that I got to hold Levi straight away while still on the operating table... rather than an hour and fifteen minutes later after they had sewn me up and done God-knows-what-else in the meantime.

But I can't. And I've made peace with that.

Because when you are at peace, you are free to be grateful.

And grateful I am.

I refuse to let these things define the most life-changing moment of my existence. And I am grateful--beyond grateful--that I could even give birth at all.

I still cry when I hear stories of other mothers having their babies placed on their chest moments after that last push. I cry for what I wasn't able to experience. I cry for my lost hour and fifteen minutes.

And yet my tears are small compared to the tears of so many mothers... and so many would-be, wanna-be mothers. So many mothers that didn't even get an hour and fifteen minutes with their babies.

I was warned that a child's first birthday is an emotional time for moms... And here I am, the day before Levi's birthday and I'm an absolute hurricane of emotions. I believe it's possible to be warned and caught off guard at the same time.

So what do I do? I finalize party plans. I wrap presents. I bake cupcakes. I imagine photos I want to capture on Levi's big day. I think about how my husband and I want to celebrate our own milestone along with Levi's. I pray. I give thanks. I write a lovesong for my boy. I look back through hundreds of photos and video clips and bawl my eyes out. Not because my baby is growing--I'm glad he's growing and developing and progressing--but because life is short and I'm thinking I want to squeeze it a little bit more.

I've tried to relish, enjoy, savor, record, and live in the moment as much as I was able this last year. I wish I had done that more. There will always be more. But I also realize that I did my best. I gave it my all. I could not have done better.

In twenty-four hours time I will commemorate that moment... the moment I shared my first-born with the world:

5:46pm, Friday, January 29, 2010.

just arrived at the birthing centre after 12 hours of labor at home...
receiving the news that levi is breech.

this is me with my brave face while being prepared for the operating theatre.
although i was a little teary and disappointed, i was genuinely at peace... and very excited.

{first look}
he was the most beautiful thing i had ever beheld.

{first touch}
my heart still aches a little looking at this photo.
if a hand could convey longing, love...
i'm grateful at least, that ryan got to hold him straight away.

{first hold}
at last he was mine. my heart exploded a thousand times as he nursed and nuzzled. it was magic.

{first hold}
beaming with pride and joy as i looked at my husband
and midwife with levi snuggled up to my chest.

being wheeled into the maternity ward to introduce levi to my parents and emma.

emma, my mom, and my dad were all there from the beginning until the end....
they were so happy to welcome our miracle when we finally came out from surgery.
although plans changed, we couldn't have shared this time with anyone more special.

my precious angel just hours old. the most beautiful and perfect newborn i've ever seen.

although i was dog tired, i didn't want to go to bed that night. i didn't want it to end.

our extremely happy family - healthy and head-over-heels in love.

room 50. our room 50. i'm so glad for this place.

Dear friends, I didn't really mean for this to turn into a birth story, but I suppose in a sense it's turned into a version of one... minus the detail. Writing about it again now, a year later, is comforting... almost therapeutic. I have so much to remember, so much to celebrate. I knew I'd be a mushy mess this week, but I'm surprised at how I'm enjoying the mush. It's all part of the process, isn't it? It's all part of the process of growing, moving on, moving forward...

turning the page,


P.S. Thank you if you read my post yesterday and prayed for Levi to get well. He's doing sooo much better today and we should be in the clear for his party tomorrow!! *bigsighofrelief*

on saturday...

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

dear natural birth club, P.S.

A while back I wrote a post called Dear Natural Birth Club. To date it’s one of my most-clicked, most-forwarded posts.

Probably because it’s a little controversial. And it's also a little sarcastic. (It was never intended to be a serious dig… just a stir-the-pot-and-get-you-thinking sort of post.)

And probably because it touches something close to the heart of every mother – childbirth.

I got some wonderful and insightful comments from this post and wanted to share some of them with you to keep the conversation going.

A tiny bit of background in case you haven't read my original letter: I had planned to have a water birth without medication, but ended up with a C-section because my little munchkin was an undetected breech. And you know what? I’m okay with that. Sure, I had to deal with some feelings of disappointment and the emotions that come with unmet expectations, but I really was over-the-moon about the birth of my firstborn and the fact that it was a low-stress, smooth birth (all things considering). Because of course I knew that a birth plan is just that: a birth plan... And things don't always go according to plan, now do they? {grin}

And yet in the months after my birth, I kept feeling as if I was hearing so much negativity about births like mine. Not mine specifically; just those like mine. And well, that made me... a little ticked off. 

Because we all know that a healthy birth is a successful one. (God knows, many women aren't as lucky as we are to have the care and expertise that we are offered in our hospitals and birthing centers.) 


Who are we to judge each others' choices and experiences?

So the hot topic: To give birth with drugs and interventions... or to give birth naturally? 

It is a sensitive issue isn't it? And one we don't always have a choice about.

Of course it’s not the only parenting hot topic. There’s also breastfeeding, sleep training, discipline methods, staying home or working outside the home, and so many other parenting preferences and choices! Ohmygoodness.

If you haven’t read Dear Natural Birth Club, you may want to visit first here. But even if you don’t, the comments below speak for themselves. (Please note that this is only a selection of the comments from that original post. Although I greatly appreciate all comments, these are the ones I thought relevant to a follow-up post.)

Thanks to my readers for some wonderful contributions to the discussion.... I love your insight, expertise, opinions, and thoughtfulness.

Hannah said...

LOL, I am so going to join your group. I also had every intention of joining the "pushed", even though I did push for four hours with my first. I didn't get to join with either of my boys, they too had their own plans on how they were coming into this world.

Livy said...

I did have a sorta-natural birth. If you count pitocin + no pain meds. I just did it that way because I was more scared of an epidural than pain. I don't tell everyone. Only if they ask.

It doesn't really matter how our children got here, only that they DID get here and safely at that.

I am learning more and more as I go how many different clubs there are in mommyhood. We can never do everything "right." I am trying to not care and just do things the way I feel.

Mandy said...

I know how you feel!! I was one of those that intended to join the natural childbirth club as well. And although I was able to deliver vaginally, my son had plan to make it a bit harder and almost impossible to do so. One thing I've learned about childbirth, is that it rarely goes according to our plan. It's unpredictable and all we can do is be proud of ourselves, regardless of the way it went. We have our beautiful babies to show for it, right?

Amy Sullivan said...

As an unintentional member of the Natural Birth Club (way, way fast birth...didn't even make it to the hospital), I'd like to say it's not as fab as everyone claims.

Emily @ Finding My Aloha said...

I totally feel ya on this one! I am a card toting organic lifestyle person. I have been living green long before it was cool. However, never once did I ever think I wanted to have a natural birth. It grossed me out and I cannot understand why people would intentionally put themselves through pain. I have heard all the arguments and I STILL don't get it. I have an inherent problem with the argument that it is a rite of passage. You have got to be kidding me! Like pregnancy, birth, 10, 12, 2, 4, & 6am feedings, spit up, uncontrollable crying, hormones, and all the other "joys" of motherhood isn't rite of passage enough. I do not understand why people make this all such a big deal. We are all moms, thats all that really matters. Thanks for sharing. It sure is a hot subject.

Maryline said...

I know exactly where you are coming from, a girlfriend of mine felt so disappointed she had a C-section when she really wanted to push. But today? She's the same happy mommy she would have been.

Truth is it does not matter. It's like the natural birth club -- who hands out the medals again? Now come on, give yourself a pat on the shoulder and go on. Good work momma.

Anna said...

I am not a part of that club as well. Disappointing. Yes. Felt like a failure in my first job as a mom. However, on the flip side, I now have 3 healthy children all delivered via the zipper. They are turning out very well, so I have succeeded in many other areas. 

cooperl788 said...

Getting the baby out, however way it happens, is hard work and not something to feel superior about

Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) said...

It is so very true, we all give birth...it may not always turn out as planned, but no one way is better than others. I can certainly understand your disappointment and heartache having planned and dreamed this day for 9 months.

I like your club: The Mamas Who Gave Birth and I think it was clever and well written...Congratulations and I think you're an amazing Mama!

The Planet Pink said...

I don't understand why we have to belong to a club at all *shrug* But if we have to, I'm a member of both. The natural birth club x3 (does that make me president?) and the line across my belly club x 1. I can safely say (since I go to both meetings) that with the exception of the vocal minority (which ALWAYS try to speak for the entire group), both clubs are greatly misunderstood by each other. And I can also confidently say that unless you are a part of both clubs, you will never fully understand the other side. My suggestion is to assume positive intent and move on. In fact I think I shall resign my membership to both and just be me....

Amy said...

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes moms can make each other feel bad for not doing this or that...without meaning to. I feel confident that what I did/do is OK. I am a wimp, so I went for the epidural the 1st time. Second time? Baby came WAY too fast and I had no choice but to go au natural. Both times all that mattered was the cute little guy who came out of it.

LauraCYMFT said...

Tsk! Can't stand there are so called clubs like these! Does it really matter how baby is born so long as both baby and mother are healthy and well afterwards?!

~Lisa~ said...

I was a breeched baby and I tell you what, it is harder to have a c-section than a natural birth.

hannah said...

Congratulations and welcome to the C-Section Club! You've expressed some things I have felt too as a c-section mommy (placenta previa for me instead of breach).

I have felt many of the same things you've expressed, although it's definitely from my own judgment of myself rather than that of others. Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to be the perfect mom because I feel like I couldn't do the first thing I should have as a mom--just get him out. Remember that giving birth, having major surgery, and the combination of the two are things you have to recover from mentally and emotionally as well as physically!

Laura Elliott said...

I've never really thought about myself as part of a club, I'm just me.

I wanted a natural birth without drugs, I got the natural part in the sense that I didn't need a c section but I had every drug I could - pethidine, gas, epidural. In the end all that mattered was that we were both healthy.

I tried breastfeeding but it drove me and my daughter to tears. Probably should have stuck it out longer but I was struggling so much. I swapped to formula and from there it all got a whole lot easier.

I stayed at home for a while but I felt like I had cabin fever. Sometimes I feel guilty because I didn't cut it as a stay at home mum. I loved going back to work and I now work four days per week.

There are so many choices. Everyone has their own unique story. At the end of the day a baby is born and that is a wonderful and beautiful thing.

Thanks for the post as it got me thinking and it has reminded me to be careful to not put people into categories and make them feel like they don't fit in.

KimD said...

From the first day I found out I was prego (on my birthday) I knew that 1. no breastfeeding 2. oh heck yeah pain meds 3. I'm not giving up coffee for 9 months. Ooh some heads are spinning now!!!!) I went to the hospital the night before my scheduled induction to make sure I wouldn't miss that epidural window of opportunity! 

Justine said...

Hi Adriel, I didn't realize there was such a divide between the two camps of mamas. I am not even sure why there would be one. But I guess life is like high school over and over again regardless of where you are in life. Cliques, groups, haves, have-nots - we do the best we can to navigate around these I suppose. 

Lynda said...

Thank you Adriel. After what happened with my births and my chronic low supply, I say eff all the clubs. I don't want to be a member, even honorary, of any of them. I have some amazingly supportive, like-minded friends. I think that's all that matters.

Enjoy Birth said...

I love your post. It helps remind us moms to be less judgmental of each other! Each birth is unique and special.  I am sorry you didn't get a chance to have the birth you hoped and planned for, but so happy that you are glad about your birth. You actually helped me remember it is mom and baby who help shape a birth.

Jill L said...

Hey, the fact that you had a baby makes you a supermom :) I pushed Eva out, but had to get an epidural just about one or two hours before the pushing began, I have a very low threshold for pain and pass out because of it (I actually have a medical condition related to this, neurocardiogenic syncope). Actually, by the grace of God, I didn't pass out during labor, but when I started to get very close to it, I decided drugs were better than me passing out all the time which would just complicate things. So, I to did not have Eva "naturally", however, for my body make up, I think I actually am a superwoman. I'm quite proud of myself for how long I did make it naturally with labor.

How you feel about your labor experience is how I feel about my breastfeeding experience. I still find myself sometimes struggling with the fact that I had to give it up.

Anonymous said...

You ALL belong to a club I wanted to join and couldn't . . . I am an infertile mom and now proud adoptive mother of FIVE, all girls (25, 20, 13, and 6 year old twins) . . . there were many times I felt like I had been black-balled from YOUR club. Not so much anymore, but please respect that we are ALL moms: those who foster children, those who adopt, those grandparents who raise their grandkids. We all need to stick together!!!

{In closing.} 

Isn’t this a great variety of perspectives? And really, when you boil it right down... we all have the same message: have your baby in a healthy way, don't judge others or be exclusive, and don't be insecure about the way your own birth(s) unfolded. Of course I’m totally oversimplifying here... but you get what I'm saying.

And this is why clubs are dangerous: they make it “us and them” when really there is nothing more unifying than having a shared experience like childbirth anyway. Or to take that a step even further: to have the shared experience of parenthood full stop.

Dear friends, isn’t this a hot topic?! Would you care to add to the conversation about your experience becoming a mom... whether it be with or without drugs, or with or without pushing? Or even with or without giving birth?

grateful to have given birth at all,
simply grateful to be a mom,

 

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

four healthy mamas and four healthy babies... and many not so lucky

Last year three of my friends and I all planned to have our babies naturally with the assistance of a midwife through our local birthing center. All four of us ended up needing to be transferred to the hospital and having medical interventions for four difference sets of reasons.

As difficult as it was in each case, we emerged with four healthy mothers and four healthy babies.

I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if we did not have access to the amazing health care that is available to us in Australia.

What if we had labored—just a two-hour plane trip away—in the neighboring nation of Papua New Guinea?

Would we still have four healthy mamas with us today?

And would those four healthy mamas still have four healthy babies?

Imagine this scenario:

“The floors are crowded with women waiting to have their babies, or cradling the ones they have just delivered, because there are not enough beds. In the delivery room, flimsy curtains afford no privacy or dignity. The toilet is a bucket by the bed. The vinyl mattresses where they labour are worn through, soiled foam bursting through the cracks." (Source: A mother's life, by Jo Chandler, The Age, September 7, 2009.)

{Mothers in PNG sit on the floor after delivery due to a lack of hospital beds. Photo credit: Jason South}

That is part of the reason why my husband and I have been volunteering with an organization called YWAM for the last 10 years... Because knowing that 1 in 7 women in rural PNG die in childbirth is just not acceptable… Because the resources are out there and just need some redistribution... Because we believe that willing people (both skilled and unskilled) can make a difference—very practically—in other peoples lives.

As we work to reduce infant and maternal mortality rates in Papua New Guinea (as a part of the Millennium Development Goals), we reach out into neighboring nations to bring primary health care, dentistry, optometry, and mother and child health care.

Here is a personal story (first published here) from one of our volunteers—RN/Midwife Jenny Sutherland—in August of this year:

Yesterday we were halfway through our morning clinic when word came that a woman in a neighbouring village had given birth to one twin, but the second was not coming.  A small team of us arrived there with some difficulty, as we climbed up slippery logs and made our way into an incredibly poverty-stricken shack, where this labouring woman was on a bamboo floor, upon which we had to choose our steps wisely or fall through.

She had not a thing under her and her newborn baby girl was semi-wrapped in a dirty looking cloth nappy. The umbilical cord tied was tied with bamboo, but the baby was looking well. The woman had been pushing since the morning before, with Twin 1 born at 1am. When we arrived the unclamped cord was hanging out.  Due to finding it difficult to find a fetal heartbeat on the unborn twin and given the mother's deteriorated condition, we decided to transport her to a local clinic, not certain whether either of them would live through this.

We carried the woman on a stretcher through calf-deep mud and onto the Zodiac (which is used to carry patients to and from the YWAM Medical Ship).  The voyage took 4 hours and despite the difficulties, this woman never whimpered once.  Frightened and exhausted, she had seemingly no interest in the baby she had birthed and had not fed her yet.  We encouraged her to feed the baby girl on the journey though, and to our delight she had a great feed and slept the rest of the trip, sheltered by some donated birthing kit bunny rugs, a cloth nappy and the strong arms of one of our manly engineers whose heart was taken for this baby girl!

We arrived at the clinic and were amazed to hear the healthy heart beat of the unborn baby. After bringing on labour again, with one push, out came a healthy baby girl! The labouring mum finally smiled - her life saved and two sweet baby girls safe in her arms.

Dear friends, have you ever stopped to think about the fact that we are blessed with incredible health care facilities and trained professionals, unlike so many women throughout developing nations? Is your birth story one that may have turned out differently if it weren’t for the resources available to you? When's the last time you stopped and gave thanks that you and your baby are simply alive?

counting my blessings,



P.S. If you’d like to know more about our work and how you can get involved in making a difference to the people of Papua New Guinea and beyond, please check out YWAM Medical Ships or email me.

I decided to jump back on the bandwagon. 
Would you care to vote for the Memos?



Have you registered your blog here yet?

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

hey you, pregnant lady! these tips and tricks are for you. (part 2 of 2)

Like I said yesterday, I’d never actually say “hey you, pregnant lady!” in real life… but somehow, on the computer screen it works. (Well, in my mind at least.)

But if you’re pregnant, and especially if you’re pregnant for the first time, I’m writing this post for you! Hopefully I got your attention.

If you missed part 1 of this post, you can read it here.

And now, for the rest of my tips for first-time-expecting-mamas-to-be:

12. Give yourself some grace. 

Some days, as a new mama, you will feel incredibly accomplished. Other days you will feel like it’s a struggle just to find time to shower… much less cook, clean, run errands, and whatever else you want to do. Especially during your “fourth trimester” (the first three months post-partum) give yourself time to find your groove. Do what you can, but give yourself grace for what you can’t.

13. Be prepared to be hormonal. 

Unfortunately the emotional rollercoaster doesn’t stop as the pregnancy gives way to birth. Your hormones will still be raging for a while. If you have really high highs and low lows for a period, don’t be alarmed. You might cry easily or anger easily, but this will also pass with a bit of time. (Case in point: When my baby was a few weeks old I was singing "You are my sunshine" to him as I changed his diaper. When I got to the line "please don't take my sunshine away" I burst into tears. My husband walked in to find me a blubbering mess and asked me what was wrong. "I just love him a lot {muahhhhh}" I responded as I continued to cry my little eyes out.) Apparently that's normal. {grin}

14. Reach out to others. 

You have a lot to process right now as your life changes. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others and make sure you keep talking. Talk through your emotions and your expectations. Talk through your fears and anxieties. Talk about your joys and talk about your challenges.

15. Be honest with yourself related to the “baby blues.” 

If you feel like you have the “baby blues” then take it seriously and find out more. Research or talk to your health care provider to see what’s normal and what’s more serious. There’s no shame in having the “baby blues” or even in having depression, so if you suspect you need help, then get it. You’ll be a better mother for it.

16. Don’t try to get your old body back, aim for your best new body. 

Even as a thin person who didn’t gain a ton of extra weight during pregnancy, I still needed to realize that my body will never be the same. There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s the progression of life moving forward. Don’t live in the past and spend time dwelling on what used to be... Instead spend time making the most of where you’re at and where you’re going. (And enjoy those big boobs if you’re normally a size B like me… they don’t last forever either!)

17. Write baby milestones down on a calendar as they happen. 

We all love to think we’re going to capture everything in a baby book or a blog, but sometimes we don’t have a firm grip on the reality of the work that will be. Write your baby’s milestones on a calendar that you can refer back to when filling in the baby book. As much as you think you won’t… you will forget. (And it sure beats scrolling back through months of your facebook status updates to try and remember what happened when!)

18. Early on, establish goals for you time and husband time. 

Even if these aren’t set in stone, at least have them in place and try your best to follow-through. You’d be surprised at how quickly a month can go by without having taken time out for yourself or for a date with your husband or your girlfriends. Be as deliberate as absolutely possible to prioritize these. You’ll be a better (saner) mom because of it.

19. Don’t be ruled by your insecurities. 

Becoming a parent inevitably unearths fears and insecurities. Instead of being alarmed by this or feeling like it disqualifies you or makes you a failure, realize that having them exposed is part of the process of dealing with them. Give yourself some grace, learn, grow, and rise above them.

20. Cuddle your baby as much as you want. 

He will only be tiny once (and not for very long), so don’t be too eager to start schedules and routines and rules. Just snuggle in together, let him sleep on your chest, and do as you please… especially for the first couple of weeks. Both you and your baby will be happier for it.

21. Take a million photos. 

You will never get this time back. Take as many photos and video clips as you want. In fact, take more than you want. You can always delete them later. If your husband forgets to take some with you in them, order him to do so. I’m so glad to be in lots of the photos from the first few days… I really was there at the birth and I have photos to prove it! {grin}

22. Remember that you can only do what you can do. 

No parent is perfect, but the parent who loves deeply, commits whole-heartedly, faces challenges with dedication, and cares for their child the best they know how… that is what qualifies you for greatness in parenting. You are the best mom your baby will ever have so don’t sell yourself short and don’t get trapped by lies that tempt you to think you’re not “good enough” or “competent enough” or “anything-else enough”. This must become your mantra: I’m a great mom, I’m a great mom, I’m a great mom.

Dear mommy-friends, if you are an expecting mom, did you find this two-part post helpful? And if you’ve already had your babies, what’s the best advice that you were given as a first-time-mom and/or advice that you now give to other expecting moms?

learning more all the time,

Have you registered your blog here yet?

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

hey you, pregnant lady! these tips and tricks are for you. (part 1 of 2)

Never-ever would I say, “hey you, pregnant lady!” in real life… but it did get your attention, didn’t it? Now before I go further, let me say congratulations on your pregnancy! What a wonderful time it is.

I was recently asked to write about things I’d tell a first-time-mama-to-be and—since I love this subject—I am thrilled to do so.

A few things you should know about me going into this: I love being a mom. I loved becoming a mom. I was one of those ladies that absolutely loved being pregnant. From my perspective, it’s such a special time with your baby… before you have to share him with the rest of the world.

Being pregnant, giving birth, and having a newborn is a big deal. Here is some of what I learned in the process:

1. Get educated about giving birth.

Explore your options for giving birth, listen to birth stories, ask moms what they’ve learned (things that helped and things they regret) and ask your doctor or midwife lots of questions. The more you know about birth, the less room there will be for fear. An educated woman is an empowered woman, and birth is no exception.

2. Research parenting philosophies, but remember that you’re the expert.

You will probably naturally be drawn to one end of the spectrum more than the other when it comes to things like sleep training vs. co-sleeping, feeding schedules vs feed-on-demand. But take a look at both camps and then make your own decisions. What works for one family will not be right for the next. Don’t be afraid to do what you feel is “right” and don’t waste time defending your decisions to those who oppose. For every opinion there is an opposite! Remember that there are no rules when it comes to caring for your child in areas like feeding and sleep. Once you decide then be consistent. Children, even babies, learn quickly what to expect and it’s hard on them if you’re all over the place. In saying that, if you’ve been trying something for a while that’s not working, change your approach and find what does.

3. Don’t be presumptuous and don’t judge.

Do yourself a favor and try to not be too presumptuous or too judgmental of what you see other parents doing. You will be surprised in a few months time when you find yourself changing your stance or approach on different things. Remember that parenting is not easy and all you can do is your best. It will change as you learn and grow in the midst of it. Appreciate other parents for their strengths and try to learn from what they do that works, rather than judge them for what you see that you don’t like.

4. Realize that you have expectations that you may not be aware of.

We all have expectations… but some of them lurk under the surface and only appear in our conscious minds when they are not met. This is fine, in fact normal, but just knowing that you’ve probably got some expectations that you can’t articulate will help when you’re faced with the ones that aren’t met. (Knowing is the first step toward processing.)

5. Have a friend rally friends to prepare you dinners post-partum.

Not doing this is a regret of mine. Especially since I had an unplanned c-section, having this kind of support would have been so good for us. Since my husband is a rockstar, he did all the cooking and taking care of the house… but he was exhausted too. In hindsight I wish we had organized some outside help from friends to give both my husband and I some extra support. (And don’t think you’ll be up for asking when the baby comes – do it in advance.)

6. Have your husband ask for extra leave in the event you end up in surgery.

This is another thing that I wish someone had suggested to me in advance. I had planned on having a natural water birth, and then while in labor had to be transferred to surgery for a c-section. I ended up staying in the hospital for five days (husbands aren’t allowed to stay overnight here) and so by the time I was released we only had a week together as a family at home. I wish my husband would have asked in advance for an extra week paternity leave in the event of an unplanned c-section. Not only would the family bonding time have been really wonderful (especially as first-time-parents), but I really could have used the extra help and support physically and emotionally as I recovered from the surgery.

7. Have a plan for your birth and communicate your desires.

Think through your goals and priorities and discuss them with your husband/partner and your medical providers. Don’t assume that in the thick of labor they will be able to read your mind (and don’t assume you’ll be able to communicate clearly then either). Include contingencies. (For example, I wish I had stated that in the event of a c-section, I still wanted to hold my son for a few minutes before they took him off to be weighed and checked. I didn’t get to hold him until about an hour after he was delivered, and medically there was no reason for this.)

8. Be nice. 

Yes, your D-Day is about you and your baby, but don’t forget that you’re not in this alone. Make it a goal to be nice to your husband. Just supporting you is exhausting and emotional, and don’t downplay his role. Appreciate him. Appreciate your support people. Appreciate your doctor, midwife, and the nurses that take care of you. Birth is monumental for everyone, and a little kindness and gratitude will go a long way.

9. Write your birth story as soon as possible. 

Even if it’s unpolished and doesn’t sound pretty, write your birth story as soon as you possibly can. Write the details that you think you’ll never forget… because most likely you will. You can always edit your story later on, but just having some of the play-by-play written out will make it far easier when you do want to make it sound “pretty”.

10. Help your body heal. 

Remember that although giving birth is totally natural and wonderful, it is also a massive strain on your entire being. Be patient, rest when you can, and nurture your body with lots of water and healthy food. Oh, and keep taking your prenatal vitamins, especially if you’re breastfeeding.

11. Let people take care of you, and if they don’t, ask them to. 

No matter if you have an “easy” or a difficult labor and delivery, giving birth is hard work and your body has gone through so much. Take the time you need to recover, and get as much help as you can. You have years to prove yourself as supermom… now is not the time.

TO BE CONTINUED… part 2 of 2.

Dear mommy-friends, please check back tomorrow for the second half of this post!

from one new mama to another,

Have you registered your blog here yet?

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission