are you pregnant? link up your bump!

I have lost track of how many of my blogging friends are pregnant - there are just so dang many!

To celebrate all of the beautiful babies of 2011 (and their mamas!), I thought we could do a link-up! All you need to do is link-up your blog below and then visit whoever you'd like. (Everyone loves to have buddies to journey through pregnancy with, right?!) Just link-up your blog's url, don't worry about linking to a specific post (unless you'd like to). That way your visitors will get whatever is fresh!

I've left lots of space in the linky for you to enter your title... so when you do so, enter your name, blog title, AND your due date so you have the option to visit people who are going through pregnancy at a similar stage as you.

Feel free to let your other expecting bloggy friends know about this link-up too - I will leave it up until the end of the year. Let's see how much of the pregnant sector of the blogosphere we can round-up!!

Also, while we're on the subject of pregnancy and babies... here are a few of my best pregnancy and birth posts from the archives in case you are new here, or in case you'd just like a refresher:

• A practical and helpful post: A girlfriend's tips and tricks for mamas-to-be
• A mushy and sentimental post: Birth is holy, treat it as such 
• A snarky and sarcastic post: Dear Natural Birth Club
• An all-in-one post: 100 things you've just got to know {about pregnancy, birth, and becoming a mom}

Alright my beautiful mama-to-be friends, happy linking! Here's to healthy, happy pregnancies... and lots and lots of amazing, adorable babies in 2011!! 

glowing with you,

p.s. Feel free to right-click and copy the image url from above if you'd like to use the image in a post. I'm not going to make a button at the moment! :) And if decide to write a post, please make sure to leave the link in a comment and let me know so that I don't miss it!!

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

Please leave your name, blog title, and due date:

example: Adriel @ the mommyhood memos (due Oct 7)

celebrating my first momiversary: the year that my life was turned upside down… and came out rightside up

Your child’s first birthday is a big deal. You may have had a celebration at his birth or at his baby dedication… but celebrating his first birthday is just, well, different.

It’s big.

There’s something about turning one that really reinforces the feeling of transition from babyhood to toddlerhood. Maybe it’s the determined attempts at walking or talking. Maybe it’s the fact that he will now be joining the ranks of people who don’t count their age in months. (I just did the math and I am 399 months old.)

Or maybe it’s the fact that he survived your first year of parenting.

I’m so happy to be celebrating Levi’s first birthday on Saturday. But I’m also excited to celebrate my momiversary.

Everyone says that being a mom is the hardest and best job in the world… But for those who’ve yet to have children, no doubt it can be tiring to always hear about all the challenges.

Yes, sleep-ins have all but vanished.

Yes, I have been pooped on, peed on, sneezed on, snotted on, spit up on, and thrown up on.

Yes, the family expenses have increased… as have the laundry and the dishes.

Yes, things move a lot slower with kids (meals, errands, etc.).

Yes, sometimes my time, my body, and my brain does not feel like my own.

And yet there are so many wonderful things that far outweigh the lack of sleep and the ring of crying in your ears.

Like the fact that you learn how to love more completely.

And you start to see the world with more wonder.

And you think more consciously about your values.

And you live more purposefully.

And then there are the other things, the baby things:

Sweet baby breath on your cheeks.

Those precious newborn coos... music to your ears.

The first laugh, sending excitement shooting through your veins.

Hearing “mama” for the first time as your heart melts into puddles around your feet.

Those first slobbery kisses... no, all of those slobbery kisses.

Hugs and cuddles... and glances up from your child, which say without words that you're the most beautiful person he's ever laid eyes on.

The feeling of being loved unconditionally and trusted completely.

There are so many good things. So many life-altering good things.

The highs are epic. The lows are crushing. But the ride is absolutely thrilling.

During this last year I have cried harder than I ever have in my life. There has been sobbing in the shower, breakdowns in the kitchen, and desperate wails of “why” and “help me God” in the nursery.

Being a mom has pushed me to the limits of what I’ve experienced so far in my thirty-three years.

I’ve felt crushing insecurity at times and steady confidence at others.

I’ve been exhausted and exhilarated.

I’ve been confused and I’ve questioned.

Sometimes I’ve trusted my gut. And other times I’ve floundered.

I’ve spent hundreds of hours reading books and the internet looking for answers and help and tips and ideas.

I’ve patted that tiny baby bum a thousand times to help him fall asleep.

I’ve rocked him in the night and held him through teething and illness and growth spurts and needles.

I’ve swelled with pride and joy, and I’ve stood in awe.

I’ve sang thousands of lullabies and read thousands of stories.

I’ve nursed and I’ve nurtured.

I’ve danced and I’ve paced.

I’ve prayed.

I've laughed.

I’ve watched and listened and savored and recorded.

I've felt like an amateur and felt like a pro.

I’ve filled my hard drive and the facebook feed with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of photos.

I've sought advice... and sometimes given it. 

I've sought validation and I've sought empathy. 

I've sought encouragement and I've sought affirmation. 

I’ve been amazed and overwhelmed, grateful and relieved.

I've learned sacrifice. I've earned wrinkles.

I've acquired a few badges of my own.

I've found a depth of strength that was yet unlocked.

I've. Given. Birth.

I’ve seen Grace. I’ve touched Love. I’ve tasted Mercy. I’ve found Forgiveness.

I've been humbled. I've grown up. 

I've become more of who I am meant to be.

I've. Had. Fun.

Becoming a mom is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s helping me to see myself and see the world and see God in a whole new—more glorious—light.

So here’s to the tears! The joys! The questions! The lessons! The heartache! The breakthroughs! The love! The affection! The learning curve! The discovery! The process! The growth! The reality! The dream!

Here’s to motherhood! Here’s to parenthood!

Happy first momiversary to me!

My heart is so full that... It. Might. Burst.

I will never forget this first year of motherhood… the year that my life was turned upside down… and came out rightside up.

Dear friends, on Saturday night after the streamers are taken down, the cake is cleaned up, and Levi is tucked safely into bed, my husband and I will be clinking our glasses and toasting with close friends. We’ll celebrate the fact that Levi has not only survived our first year of parenthood, but he has thrived... and so have we.  How did you mark your first momiversary? 

almost bursting and entirely blessed,

{Photo Credits}
Photo of Adriel and Levi: Tiffany Lausen, Red Owl Photography 
Photo of Levi clapping: Sue Stendahl, Stendahl Photo Services.


adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011 
do not reproduce without written permission

waning about weaning (when did you stop breastfeeding?)

I was one of the lucky ones.

Long before having Levi I had decided that I wanted to try breastfeeding. I had done a bit of reading about it and talked to a lot of other moms about their experiences. I would have considered myself pretty well-informed on the subject, and I was very well-prepared for the fact that it might be extremely difficult… and painful. 

Actually, I had heard so many horror stories that I thought there was no way around it.

I thought to myself, “If I can just make it through the first six weeks it will get easier and it will be so worth all of the pain and trouble.” I would prepare for the worst and then grit my teeth with sheer determination until it got easier. (I know, I know. You’re already snickering here… Classic first-time-mom response right?)

And then I gave birth… And tried breastfeeding… And from the first moment it was…

Easy.

Imagine my shock! 

Imagine my relief! 

Imagine my joy!

I know that my experience is not the “norm” unfortunately, but for me breastfeeding was as natural and easy as anyone could ever hope for. (And after my unexpected c-section, I think it was grace to me… I'm not sure if I could have emotionally handled breastfeeding dramas at that point in time.)

And aside from the standard clogged duct here and there (yeah, that’s painful!) it has continued to be easy and hassle-free up until this day.

My plan has always been to breastfeed until Levi is twelve months old so that I wouldn’t need to wean to formula and then over to cow’s milk. I figured that if I could make it to his first birthday then I could easily wean straight over to cow’s milk and that would be that. Easy peasy.

It is now 24 days until Levi's first birthday and I’m faced with decision-time. 

And--although I'm normally an incredibly decisive person--I find myself... waffling on this one.

Do I really want to wean? Is this the right time? If I do, will I regret it? If I don’t will I resent it?

I’ve loved the convenience and ease and experience of breastfeeding and there’s a small part of me that wants to hang on. (Oh, the simplicity when traveling and the unrivaled ability to quickly comfort a sick or teething baby!!!)

And yet there’s another part of me that is more than ready to say good-bye to sharing my body in that way (yes, I sometimes feel like it’s “milking time” at mama’s bar *moooooo*). And I’m also ready for the freedom of not being bound to feeding times. (I still nurse at wake-up and bedtime and 1-2 times during the day… and have never really gotten into the swing of pumping much.) And then there’s the wanting to have my hormonal balance back to normal… for many reasons.

I’ve read what the experts say – there’s really no ideal time to wean… other than when mom and bub are both ready (and when there’s no major changes or sickness happening).

So the question is, am I ready? Is Levi ready?

Never mind cultural norms. Never mind convenience. Never mind what I thought I “should” do. Never mind age or months or measured out food.

Are we ready? And if we are, then how long do I give us to go through the process? A week? A month? A couple of months?

I’m not expecting anyone to answer these questions for me. It’s our decision, it’s personal, and I’m more than comfortable with that.

But what I am wondering is how you experienced weaning? Did you lead? Did you let your baby lead? Was it a combination? What it for medical reasons or going back to work reasons or emotional reasons?

Did you just know when it was time?

Would you go back and do it differently if you could?

Dear friends, I’d love to hear your experiences with weaning? Did you waiver a little like me? Or was it a cut-and-dry decision for you?

waning just a little,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

birth is holy, treat is as such | a letter to my pregnant self

Dear Adriel,

You are becoming a mom. Finally, after 32 long years your dream is coming true! And guess what? It’s going to be even better than you imagined.

I know that right now it seems like pregnancy will never end… but enjoy these last days. Soon—when he’s not all tucked up safely inside of you—you will have to share that precious boy with the world.

Don’t stress about him coming too early or too late. I know you’re concerned about your parents flying in from overseas and being there for Levi’s big debut… But your clever little one will actually be one of the few babies that decide to come on his due date. Isn’t that fun?

{What you couldn’t have known then.}

As his birthday approaches, I want to tell you a few things that I’ve learned since then. I hope you’re taking notes, because this stuff is good.

First of all, I know you’ve heard it a thousand times… but seriously, hear it one more time: life is about to drastically change. Don’t worry, you’ve prepared as best as you possibly can. But just know that you can’t fully prepare for the best parts of life… like this one.

{You were made to give birth.}

The day of Levi’s birth is going to be so incredible. It will be hard work, but you will sail through it. You are much tougher than you sometimes give yourself credit for. In fact, most all women are. You were made to bear children… and soon you will get to see that in reality. You have nothing to fear, nothing to be anxious for.

{There will be a change of plans.}

I’m sorry to break it to you, but Levi’s birth will not be un-medicated, or in the birthing pool, or most of the ways you’re imagining it right now. You know that little inkling that he might be breech and you could possibly end up having a C-Section? Well, let’s just call that a mother’s intuition, because…you’re right.

Of course you won’t discover this until twelve hours into labor, but don’t be afraid. You’ll handle it beautifully, with grace and confidence. God knows that you can handle it; He’s promised to never let you go through anything you can’t handle, remember?

{Remember to look beyond yourself.}

In those moments when you’re first told the news, remember to tell your midwife that you love her and you’re not mad at her for misinterpreting Levi’s position correctly in time to move him. She will be feeling incredible disappointment and failure in that moment… and she, too, will need some reassurance and encouragement.

She’ll later tell you how much your sweet attitude and response meant to her. Because as much as everyone tells you this day is about you and your sweet boy, the reality is that many others around you will also be effected by this miracle of life and how you bring your son into the world. Birth is holy, treat is as such.

{first night together... a few hours old.}

{Prepare to behold glory.}

The surgery itself will go quickly and smoothly and the doctors and their teams will do just as great as your midwife would have done. It will be different, but no less amazing. They’ll take wonderful care of you.

More importantly, be prepared to meet the most gorgeous being you’ve ever laid eyes on. (And on that note, no need to worry about your baby being cute or not… He is seriously as cute as they come... everyone says so.) 

{a few hours old.}

You will look at his face and finally know:

This is what glory looks like.

{one day old and still in the hospital.}

And even though you won’t get to hold him straight away like you had always envisioned, when you do finally hold him any of the disappointment from the change of plans will feel small and petty as it melts away in the wonder of that moment.

{Be anxious about nothing.}

And about breastfeeding... Yes, you’ve heard all the horror stories and you’re prepared for the worst. Your willingness to try as hard as you can and your commitment to persevere through those first few difficult weeks as you try everything in your power to make it work is noble and wonderful...

But guess what?

You are one of the lucky ones who finds breastfeeding a breeze. So let’s just forget those worries now. No need for them. During those first moments of holding your dear son on your chest, he will easily find his way and begin nursing naturally. It will be as if you’ve always been together.

The ease of breastfeeding will be grace to you amidst the mixed emotions that come with your unplanned surgery. Enjoy it and give thanks for it.

{Let yourself be taken care of.}

Now about going home... You’re going to need to stay in the hospital for five days due to a mild infection. As much as this doesn’t sound ideal to you right now, please know that it is. We all know your inclination to try and be superwoman, but this is not the time. You really do need to take it easy and let others take care of you. Being in the hospital will gently force this upon you. This, too, is grace to you. Embrace it and enjoy being served. Receive.

You do need to be warned, however, that in Australia husbands aren’t allowed to stay overnight with you in the hospital. I know this is different to home, and it is understandably hard, but you can handle this. During those five long nights you will enjoy some precious moments with your son, just the two of you. Do you best to look on the bright side. Your homecoming day will come soon.


{Don’t stress about your recovery.}

You know what they say about recovering from a C-Section, and so it’s no surprise that you will be frustrated by the prospect. But this is another area that’s not as bad as you might have been led to believe. Within a few days of being home you’ll be ready for some short day trips, and by week three you’ll be able to drive again. Yes, there’s some lingering pain and you have to be careful, but you most certainly won’t be an invalid and you won’t even be housebound… so let’s just dispel that fear right now so that you can enjoy the afterglow of your son’s birth.

{Love: madly, deeply.}

Be prepared to love like you’ve never loved before. You are going to have moments where you’re singing to that little boy, or even just looking at him from across the room while someone else takes a turn holding him… and it will feel as if your heart will explode with a deeper love than you’ve ever experienced.

You’ll begin to understand the love of God in a deeper way, you’ll fall in love with your husband in a more profound way, and of course you’ll love your little boy enough to honestly want to give your life for him if need be.

It’s a fierce, strong, solid love that’s decorated with sweetness and laughter and more kisses-on-the-toes than you ever dreamed possible. It's a love that will drive you to miss him when he's tucked up safely sleeping. A love that cause you to gaze at his photo when you can't look at his face before you. A love that feels eternal and timeless and extravagant and pure. A love that begins to define you anew.

{You will step onto a roller coaster.}

But along with those highs there will be things that stretch you at the core of who you are as a woman. Insecurities will be revealed that you don’t even realize are lurking under the surface of your smile. There will be moments when fears that are new and foreign to you will seem to come out of nowhere and corner you in the dark.

You need to know that you can handle all of it. You are as ready as you’ll ever be. With the help of your husband and God and the loved ones around you, you will learn to ask for help, you will learn humility, you will learn patience, and you will learn to trust yourself more than you ever have yet.

{Having a child will grow you.}

As magical as it is, being a new parent is difficult. There will be times when you don’t know what to do and times where you second guess yourself. In those moments you need to try and remember that you’re the mom… you really do know what’s best, even if your emotions are telling you otherwise. You might sometimes feel like you’re grasping at straws, but the good news is that you and your son and your family will all learn and grow together.

I also want to warn you about the times when you’ll want more than anything to trade jobs with your husband. There will be days when you want to call in sick… or at least take a lunch break or sign off at 5:00pm. Those days are especially difficult because the reality is that you simply can’t.

But the sooner you figure out how to get some time for yourself to refresh and recharge, the better you’ll be able to handle those days. You’ll work it out. Just be deliberate. And in the meantime, know that having those days and those thoughts doesn’t make you a bad mom.

{You are the expert.}

And lastly, I can’t emphasize this enough… Every child is different just as every mom is different. Trust yourself. Go with your gut. Listen to your intuition. If something doesn’t work, just try something else. There are no “rules” that you have to go by.

Parenting is—and should be—fluid and organic. One lesson learned will flow into the next. Listen to the advice from others, read the books and websites that you need to, but when it all boils down, remember that you’re the mom and you know what’s best.

{Wash your brain in this truth.}

You’re a great mom. You’re a great mom. You’re a great mom. This needs to be your new mantra.

Make sure that you don’t try to be perfect or you’ll make yourself feel miserable in your failed expectations. But do remember that perfect has nothing to do with great.

Sear it into your mind… carve it into your heart… write in on your hand… post-it note it around the house if you need to: You’re a great mom.

Love,

me xx

Dear friends, if you could deliver a letter to your pregnant self, what would it say?

love,

| Originally published on Ingenue Mom on September 3, 2010 as a guest post. |



adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

what we wish others knew about being a hard-working mom

{This post is part of the Moms Who Work series.}

Have you ever been misunderstood? 

I know, I know… loaded question. Let me make that question more specific…

Have you ever been misunderstood in your role or decision to work full-time away from home? Or be a stay-at-home mom? Or any other scenario you’ve chosen in regards to your work?

Even though I’m still relatively new to motherhood and staying home with my baby (most of the time at least), I’ve already had many opportunities for people to ask me the question, “What do you DO all day?”

No doubt they mean well—and they truly are curious and want to understand—so I try my best to answer politely in hopes that I can give them the little glimpse that they’re hoping for. But even with my best efforts I don’t think that anyone can ever really understand what a SAHM does all day until they’ve tried it themselves for a period of time.

I, for one, had no idea the amount of time and energy it takes to look after young children full-time, and then try to also keep house, do the shopping, plan meals, maintain some part-time volunteer work, have time for friends, stay well-connected with my extended family, and keep my relationship with my husband thriving. (Not to mention trying to fit in things for myself like prayer, exercise, reading, and other hobbies.)

Even as someone who babysat from the time I was ten years old, nannied infant twins full-time, and then worked in early childhood education for four years, I was still in for a rude awakening in regards to what it’s like to stay home full time with a baby of my own.

Oh. My. Goodness. I have seriously never worked harder in my life. Nor have I ever had to be so deliberate about not losing my marbles.

I desperately wish there was a way to adequately communicate what it is like to those who would like to know. (Let me know if you’ve discovered it.) 

There's also a good handful of other things that I wish people could understand... like why I'm home all day but some days seemingly get absolutely nothing done. Or why it was much easier for me to get my daily dose of Oprah while I was working full-time than it is now that I'm home. Or why cooking a nice dinner after getting home from working all day felt easier than it does now that I'm home and have the opportunity to start preparing even earlier.... I'll stop now, but my list goes on... 

In saying that, I also realize that as a SAHM I can’t fully understand what it’s like being a full-time working mom away from home. Of course that position comes with a completely different set of challenges, not to be downplayed or brushed over. No doubt working moms wish us SAHMs would have better insight into what it’s like for them.

We could all use a little understanding. We could all use a little empathy. After all, ALL moms work hard.

I asked readers what they wished other people knew about the position they are in, whether they are a SAHM, a working mom (away from home), or a work-at-home mom.

Here’s what you had to say…

A Little R&R said... 

I wish they would take seriously what I do. Some people think you work in your PJs and are not professional. I am just as professional as the lady in an office...it’s just my office is in my living room.

(A work-from-home mom.)

Mandy said...

I wish others understood just how much work goes into being a full-time mom. People often say to me, "Oh you’re lucky, you get to just stay at home all day and have fun". And yes, that is true to a certain extent. But it’s not always as glamorous as people make it out to be. There are times when it is just down right frustrating. “A screaming baby, spit up everywhere, a messy house, the dog threw up on the carpet, I have to pee, when was the last time I showered?, oh great someone is knocking at the door and I'm nursing, Ah, I can't reach my phone and I really need to take this call, explosive diapers, more crying..." and the list goes on. It's truly, truly a mess sometimes. But a beautiful mess, and one that I'm so grateful for. 

(A stay-at-home mom who also does photography part-time.)

cooperl788 said... 

I wish that others understood that even though it's a choice to stay home, that I still feel frustrated with my choice, just like every person. I really wish others would understand that I'm busy all day - I don't sit at home and watch soap operas all day. I'm cooking, cleaning, growing my child's mind – homemaking! 

(A stay-at-home mom.)

Baby Boberg & Parents said... 

That I'm still working hard. I'm not just sitting on the couch watching soaps and eating bon bons. I have a lot to get done everyday and that all has to be balanced with taking care of a child that demands all my attention. 

(A stay-at-home mom.)

Kristen T. said... 

It's not a competition! I'm not in a "who is the best mom" competition with stay-at-home moms. Just because I brought in Rice Krispie squares, and you made perfect, uniquely decorated cupcakes -- I'm not a bad mom! 

(A full-time work-away-from-home mom.)

Maryline said... 

Others don't often realize the time I have left to myself is close to zero. I need to sacrifice sleep to fit in the exercising, the blogging, etc. 

(A full-time work-away-from-home mom.)

HRH Mommy said... 

In the Netherlands (where I'm from) moms work and the kids are in day care. The responses I receive from both family and friends are less than supportive when I mention that I'd prefer to be a SAHM. I have a Masters Degree and therefore am expected to work and make $$. After I became a mom that all changed for me. Being a mom is so much more rewarding than the $$ any job would pay. Luckily my hubby is all for me being a SAHM, though at the moment I will be returning to work, simply since things have been slow (hubby is self-employed) and we need the extra $$. 

(A part-time work-away-from-home mom.)

Making It Work Mom said... 

I guess that I just want everyone to understand that I am always doing the best that I can. That I am constantly trying to manage everything. I don't work because I don't like to be a mother, but I do enjoy my job. 

(A full-time work-away-from-home mom.)

KDC Events said... 

Just because I am not at the office and at home, does not mean I am on vacation, having a day off or eating bon bons! I am working just as hard, if not HARDER!!! 

(A part-time work-away-from home mom and part-time work-from-home mom.)

Nya's mom said... 

Umm. I wish that others understood that in choosing to return to work, I did not choose work over my daughter. Both in my real life and online, when I was in the stage of figuring out whether I would return to work, I received some responses from stay-at-home moms who implied that in returning to work, I would be, essentially, putting my self interests over those of my daughter. That hurt!   (A part-time work-away-from home mom and part-time work-from-home mom.)

Further reading in this series:

• All moms work hard  
• How to be a stay-at-home mom without losing your marbles 
• Mom on a wire: finding balance and sanity in a home with two working parents
• You have spoken: the best and worst of being a working mom (away from home)
• How I became a pediatrician turned stay-at-home mom
• The pros and cons of being a work-from-home mom
• From home to work or work to home: speaking up about the transition process
• Back to work: tips for how to prepare for the transition after maternity leave
• Are stay-at-home moms 1950ish? (readers speak up about the best and worst of being a SAHM)
• 4 ways single moms are thriving 
• 8 tips for running a business as a work-from-home mom 
• Mom hat, student hat: important tips for studying moms 
• Hey honey, why don't you stay home with the baby while I go back to work?

Dear mommy-friends, can you relate to these moms? What do you wish other moms understood about what you do? Or how about those who aren't moms... like your husbands, bosses, coworkers, single or childless friends, or relatives? And lastly, what can you do to be more gracious and understanding toward other moms who are in a different position than you are?

working at being more gracious,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

are SAHMs 1950-ish? {readers speak up about the best and worst}

[This post is part of the Moms Who Work series.]

Hey you! Moms! 

It’s not easy being you!

A while back I asked readers what you thought about the joys and trials of being a stay-at-home mom... ya know, the kind of mom who works long, hard hours but gets no holiday leave, lunch breaks, or paycheck?! {wink}

Here’s what you had to say...

The best thing about being a SAHM:

Queenie said…

You don't miss anything, you are with them so much you really get to "know" them, more opportunities for influence, no stress of trying to meet expectations of another job in addition to maintaining your household.  

Cameron said…

You don't miss anything, you get to be there for all the milestones & all the fun little things that happen during the day. You know that you are the one helping them grow & learn. Your day is more flexible because you can run errands or go to lunch with friends or have a play date or just stay home all day if you want. [Adriel's note: Since writing this, Cameron has recently joined the ranks of work-outside-of-the-home moms!]

 

Jill said…

I am new to staying at home up till the birth of Little B I was a working mom.  I think the best part is not missing anything. Making the focus on family strong and always being there for the kids.

Mandy said...

The BEST part about being at home with my son is that I AM the one that gets to teach him and help him progress. I LOVE being here to see every single little thing, every milestone. There is nothing more rewarding than watching your little one discover this big world around him. 

cooperl788 said...

Being a SAHM means that I can take care of my own family the way that I want to. I'm home to take care of the errands and chores that my husband and I used to fight over every weekend. When he gets home, he can enjoy spending time with me and his daughter, without having to worry about cleaning or running over to the grocery store. It's a low-stress life for us to have me stay home. Maybe it's a little 1950's, but it works for us. 

Baby Boberg & Parents said...

The best part about being a SAHM is that I get to make my own schedule. I don't have to listen to a boss tell me to be here or there by a certain time.

TV's Take said...

In Feb 2010 I decided to stay at home w/my daughter and work very part-time. I have more time to clean, shop etc.

HRH Mommy said...

Having the privilege to see my sons grow up. Be there with them, for them and being able to create a bond that I would not be able to create if I were out of the house at a job. 


For me...
The best part of being a SAHM is that I get to be the primary carer, teacher, and nurturer for my son. I love that I get to be the one who most influences him in the foundations of his life (along with his dad). And being home with him most of the time means I get lots of precious moments, can take a million photos, and can have a little bit more flexibility with how I divide my time. And as simple as it sounds... I get to look at him more. (I love that, and miss him when I'm away.) As hard as it is sometimes, I feel really blessed to be able to stay at home while my baby is still so little.

The hardest thing about being a SAHM:

Queenie said…

The hours aren't 9-5 and you don't get a lunch break.  You can't call in sick and even vacation time is spent doing pretty much what you do every day.  It's easy to get caught up in the mundane details and it's VERY easy to lose sight of who YOU are as a person outside of your children.

 

Cameron said…

Sometimes you can really caught up in the mom stuff & it can get overwhelming - like Queenie said - there aren't breaks.

Jill said…

For me right now is just figuring out how to get it all done in one day and not get really caught up in all the mom stuff. Learning how to do things for myself. I found it a little bit easier to stop and pick something up for myself or do something for myself when I was on my way home from work and then I would get home and shift into mom mode.  Now I am in mom mode all the time.

Mandy said...

I think the hardest part about being a stay at home mom is that I don't get as much adult social interaction. Sometimes I miss having those every day casual adult conversations. (BUT blogging and meeting all of the other people/mommies out there really helps. I love that I can turn to blogger and find so many people I relate to. That inspires me.)

cooperl788 said...

It's a struggle to come up with new ways to entertain Georgia, to keep her engaged in something that will stimulate her mind and help her learn about the world. I try to keep the tv off, but we find ourselves slipping into Blues Clues and other things as the afternoon wears on. Also, when you're trying to eat healthfully, it's really hard to have all the food at your fingertips all day. I have to make a huge effort to keep our fridge closed after mealtime.

Baby Boberg & Parents said...

The hardest part about being a SAHM is that I have to realize things may not always go according to my schedule. Things come up. I get sick. Baby gets sick. 

TV's Take said...

The mental solitude is what frustrates me… I also have more time to over analyze situations that I would not have otherwise done while working. Being a SAHM is a different kind of hard than a working mom.

HRH Mommy said...

Facing the challenges that the children throw to me. I am a group person and function best if I can talk and discuss situations with others. There are many instances where I am the only one making the decision, figuring out how to go about doing something, simply because David is at work and no one else is around who I can discuss a situation with in that very instance. Yes, I can talk to my friends over the phone, at play dates, etc., but it doesn't do much in the moment that a certain situation comes up.


For me...
I think the hardest part is working long hours and always feeling physically worn-out. I had no idea how exhausting it would be to have a baby. People "warn" you, but you really have no idea until you're experiencing it for yourself. Some days I feel like I will never get a moment to myself. When Levi is sleeping I try to get things done that need more attention than I can give when I've got one eye on him, so even the quiet nap times are usually packed full. I can handle that, but then at the end of the day, I'd love to "sign off" and have a transition. I sometimes envy my husband because--even though he comes home and continues to "work" by helping with the baby, dinner, or whatever--it's at least a change of work. (I know, I'm super lucky to have him!) But when you're a SAHM the type of work you do never changes and so you constantly feel like you're working overtime - 13 hour shifts... Every. Single. Day. Seven. Days. A week. I miss the change of pace that 8:00am, 12:30pm, 5:00pm, and Friday used to bring, and the ability to feel like I'm switching gears throughout the day and week.

What I wish someone would have told me before I became a SAHM:

Mandy said...

I wish I would have known that it's exhausting entertaining a baby all day! Ha ha. Seriously, it tires me out! By the end of the day, I'm more ready for bed than my baby is!

cooperl788 said...

I wish I would have known how lonely I would get without the adult interaction of a full-time job. By the time Jeremy gets home at the end of the day, I desperately want to just have some adult conversation. I also wish someone would have told me how frustrated I would get at my own child. Nobody wants to admit it, but raising a kid can be really crazy-making!

Baby Boberg & Parents said...

I wish I'd known that some days can be a bit lonely. That while having conversations with a 6mth old can be quite funny they are a bit one sided and not always very helpful.

HRH Mommy said...

Before becoming a mom, you hear often "being a mom is the hardest and the most rewarding job there is". I never knew exactly what that meant "the hardest job". Really? How could that be? Now a mom, I totally get it. It truly is the most difficult and most rewarding job there is, but I would add to that at 5:00 a mom cannot leave work behind and shut the door behind her. The job of being a mom is a 24hr/day job and requires attention and focus at both 3am and 3pm.

Tiffany Larson said...

You may change your desire to work or not work over the years so prepare yourself financially to be able to make those changes. Don't start working and adapt your lifestyle to your new income because you may find once baby #2 or #3 rolls around that staying home is the better option for your family. That's what happened to us and fortunately it worked out for me to stay at home but I have other friends that cannot afford to stay at home and would like to.

In closing:

Well, you have spoken and the verdict is in: Being a stay-at-home mom—like any type of working mom—has its highs and lows, perks and challenges.

If there’s one thing all moms know is that being a mom is not a walk in the park! It’s more like a roller coaster – filled with ups and downs... and certainly thrills.

There’s much to consider when deciding to stay home with the kiddos or not – what’s best for the kids, where the mom will thrive most, how the family budget will pan out, and the overall marriage and family dynamics (just to name a few).

Here’s to the freedom to choose what’s best on a case-by-case, season-by-season basis!

Moms. Work. Hard. All of ‘em!

For further reading in this series:

• All moms work hard
• How to be a stay-at-home mom without losing your marbles
• Mom on a wire: finding balance and sanity in a home with two working parents
• Readers speak up about the best and worst of... being a working mom
• How I became a pediatrician turned stay-at-home mom
• The pros and cons of being a work-from-home mom
• From home to work or work to home: speaking up about the transition process
• Back to work: How to prepare for the transition after maternity leave

Dear mommy-friends, are you a SAHM? If so, have you always wanted to be or did that desire come later in life once you had kids? Has it turned out to be anything like what you were expecting? Did you ever dream it would be so wonderful and/or so hard? What is your “best and worst” of being a SAHM? What do you wish someone would have told you in advance? And… do you think being a SAHM is 1950-ish??

happy to be home,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission