dear natural birth club

the face of a proud mama (even if i was kicked out of your club)

Dear Natural Birth Club,

You know, I thought I would have easy access into your club. I was the no-interventions-thank-you, diving-in-the-birth-pool, I-am-mama-watch-me-push sort of woman.

Not that I think pushing makes me more of a woman. (But is that what you think? Cuz sometimes you make other mamas feel that way.)

But you gotta understand, my son had other plans for our special day; he had some ideas of his own about how to spend his birthday.

Apparently no matter how empowered and ready this mama felt, baby boy just wasn’t keen for a squeeze through that tunnel. 

My boy is a strong lad. You know the type… the kind that wants to set himself apart from the crowd, the kind that’s got a mind of his own, the kind that’s—perhaps—a little bit like his mama.

And by that I mean breech of course… just like you-know-who way back in the late 70's.

Let me remind you - I wanted to join in your club. I had every intention of acquiring membership.

But intentions weren't enough.

My husband and midwife and I had grand plans. Hubs came dressed in his boardies, I came with the perfect playlist prepared… and baby boy blue came upside-down. (Or, uh, right-side-up?)

I might have made it into your club had I gotten a late term ultrasound… but let me remind you that out of the hundreds of babies my dear midwife has delivered (bless her precious heart) I was her one mistake (and her partner’s mistake, and about four other midwives who also checked me along the way). All of those sweet souls felt my boy’s head just where it belonged – engaged and read to go.

Except for the fact that it wasn’t.

{My boy had one bony bum… enough to fool ‘em all I guess.}

The reality is, some mistakes have a whole lot of implications. And you can’t very well turn a baby when mama’s already twelve hours into labor, now can you?

So really, doesn’t it count that I wanted to be “one of you”? Doesn’t it count that I thought like you and practiced like you and dreamed like you… for nine long months and twelve long hours?

Or does the fact that I now have a big old beautiful scar on my belly forever exclude me from your club?

Will I always be an outsider because I didn’t push?

Yes, Natural Birth Club, you’re incredibly exclusive. And maybe you don’t intend to be, but you’ve gotta know… that sometimes in your enthusiasm you make those of us who never quite made the cut feel a little bit… left out. Or even worse, lessor.

Disagree with me if you want, but I’m of the opinion that sometimes you can be a little bit snarky, a little bit snobbish, a little bit exclusive. Please don’t act all superior just because your birth plan went according to… plan. 

But let me give you the benefit of the doubt. You probably don't even mean to do it - you're most likely just trying to advocate for women to know their options... But in your zeal please remember us wanna-be's... and even those who deliberately choose otherwise. We all have our reasons.

{I’m tough too, you know. You try recovering from major surgery, constantly suppressing laughter—oooouch—at your husband’s unceasing dad jokes, and caring for a newborn all at once.}

So really Natural Birth Club, you and I – we aren’t all that different. We both wanted what’s best for our babies and what’s best for ourselves. It’s just that my road there (to happy baby-on-the-outside land) had a bend in it that yours didn’t.

I’m just sayin.

Be nice. Give me a hug. Let’s be friends. We've got more in common than you think.

Sincerely,
an initially-disappointed-yet-extremely-grateful-and-proud
mama who sometimes feels just a little left out

p.s. I formed a new club: The Mamas Who Gave Birth Club. It’s a little more all-inclusive… and you’re absolutely welcome to join if you wish. No membership dues or initiation stunts required.

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adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission