celebrating my first momiversary: the year that my life was turned upside down… and came out rightside up

Your child’s first birthday is a big deal. You may have had a celebration at his birth or at his baby dedication… but celebrating his first birthday is just, well, different.

It’s big.

There’s something about turning one that really reinforces the feeling of transition from babyhood to toddlerhood. Maybe it’s the determined attempts at walking or talking. Maybe it’s the fact that he will now be joining the ranks of people who don’t count their age in months. (I just did the math and I am 399 months old.)

Or maybe it’s the fact that he survived your first year of parenting.

I’m so happy to be celebrating Levi’s first birthday on Saturday. But I’m also excited to celebrate my momiversary.

Everyone says that being a mom is the hardest and best job in the world… But for those who’ve yet to have children, no doubt it can be tiring to always hear about all the challenges.

Yes, sleep-ins have all but vanished.

Yes, I have been pooped on, peed on, sneezed on, snotted on, spit up on, and thrown up on.

Yes, the family expenses have increased… as have the laundry and the dishes.

Yes, things move a lot slower with kids (meals, errands, etc.).

Yes, sometimes my time, my body, and my brain does not feel like my own.

And yet there are so many wonderful things that far outweigh the lack of sleep and the ring of crying in your ears.

Like the fact that you learn how to love more completely.

And you start to see the world with more wonder.

And you think more consciously about your values.

And you live more purposefully.

And then there are the other things, the baby things:

Sweet baby breath on your cheeks.

Those precious newborn coos... music to your ears.

The first laugh, sending excitement shooting through your veins.

Hearing “mama” for the first time as your heart melts into puddles around your feet.

Those first slobbery kisses... no, all of those slobbery kisses.

Hugs and cuddles... and glances up from your child, which say without words that you're the most beautiful person he's ever laid eyes on.

The feeling of being loved unconditionally and trusted completely.

There are so many good things. So many life-altering good things.

The highs are epic. The lows are crushing. But the ride is absolutely thrilling.

During this last year I have cried harder than I ever have in my life. There has been sobbing in the shower, breakdowns in the kitchen, and desperate wails of “why” and “help me God” in the nursery.

Being a mom has pushed me to the limits of what I’ve experienced so far in my thirty-three years.

I’ve felt crushing insecurity at times and steady confidence at others.

I’ve been exhausted and exhilarated.

I’ve been confused and I’ve questioned.

Sometimes I’ve trusted my gut. And other times I’ve floundered.

I’ve spent hundreds of hours reading books and the internet looking for answers and help and tips and ideas.

I’ve patted that tiny baby bum a thousand times to help him fall asleep.

I’ve rocked him in the night and held him through teething and illness and growth spurts and needles.

I’ve swelled with pride and joy, and I’ve stood in awe.

I’ve sang thousands of lullabies and read thousands of stories.

I’ve nursed and I’ve nurtured.

I’ve danced and I’ve paced.

I’ve prayed.

I've laughed.

I’ve watched and listened and savored and recorded.

I've felt like an amateur and felt like a pro.

I’ve filled my hard drive and the facebook feed with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of photos.

I've sought advice... and sometimes given it. 

I've sought validation and I've sought empathy. 

I've sought encouragement and I've sought affirmation. 

I’ve been amazed and overwhelmed, grateful and relieved.

I've learned sacrifice. I've earned wrinkles.

I've acquired a few badges of my own.

I've found a depth of strength that was yet unlocked.

I've. Given. Birth.

I’ve seen Grace. I’ve touched Love. I’ve tasted Mercy. I’ve found Forgiveness.

I've been humbled. I've grown up. 

I've become more of who I am meant to be.

I've. Had. Fun.

Becoming a mom is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s helping me to see myself and see the world and see God in a whole new—more glorious—light.

So here’s to the tears! The joys! The questions! The lessons! The heartache! The breakthroughs! The love! The affection! The learning curve! The discovery! The process! The growth! The reality! The dream!

Here’s to motherhood! Here’s to parenthood!

Happy first momiversary to me!

My heart is so full that... It. Might. Burst.

I will never forget this first year of motherhood… the year that my life was turned upside down… and came out rightside up.

Dear friends, on Saturday night after the streamers are taken down, the cake is cleaned up, and Levi is tucked safely into bed, my husband and I will be clinking our glasses and toasting with close friends. We’ll celebrate the fact that Levi has not only survived our first year of parenthood, but he has thrived... and so have we.  How did you mark your first momiversary? 

almost bursting and entirely blessed,

{Photo Credits}
Photo of Adriel and Levi: Tiffany Lausen, Red Owl Photography 
Photo of Levi clapping: Sue Stendahl, Stendahl Photo Services.


adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011 
do not reproduce without written permission

so this is what it feels like to have someone call you 'mama'?

Today I reached a new high as a mom. My boy... my sweet little baby boy unmistakably said my name.

It's hard to imagine that this little boy:

has turned into this little boy in just under six months:

It feels like he just arrived... And yet it feels as if he's always been. {I'm so a mama in love, aren't I? *gush*}

During the last week I've noticed Levi starting to say "ma-ma-ma-ma". As fun as that is, it has definitely been random - just another sound to add to his growing little vocabulary along with: "blah blah", "da-da-da", "ga-ga-ga", and lots of other little baby chatter cuteness. I figured it would be a while before he would say  'mama' (or anything else) with any level of comprehension.

And besides, I was fully prepared for 'dada' to be his first "real" word. After all, we've been practicing.

In saying that, there were a few times during the last day or two that he said "ma-ma-ma" while looking at me... a bit differently... as if he knew.

I've wondered... {could it be?} but then quickly dismissed the thought not wanting to live in false hope.

But tonight was different.

My little teething boy was crying in daddy's arms, and--in a moment that will forever be burned into my memory--he looked over at me with longing in his eyes and arms outstretched and said, "ma-ma-ma-ma-ma".

Still hesitating a little in my heart to believe it (in case I was just projecting my hopes onto him), I took him in my arms and held him close.

Immediately he stopped crying.

Ryan and I looked at each other. "I think he just said my name," I murmured to Ryan, almost afraid to speak at full volume for fear of the burst of my bubble.

"He sure did," grinned Ryan. {Oh how sweet those three words of confirmation were!}

And since daddy is usually the one with the unfailing touch (unless it's boob time of course), I was even more shocked and surprised and in awe all mixed up together. My heart was melting in puddles all over the floor and my eyes were filling with 32 years worth of mama-in-waiting tears... Oh, the magic of that moment.

So this is what it feels like to have somebody call you 'mama'?

I never thought my name could sound so sweet. {Say it again dear baby boy.}

I like it. I really, really like it.

Dear mommy-friends, what are your most precious mommyhood moments... your mama highs thus far?

Love us? Vote here!

dear God, thank you for sweet baby milestones.

{Apparently little boys can learn new tricks over night.}

{We woke up this morning to see that our 4.5-month-old is now a sitter-up-er-er.}

{I think he was as surprised and pleased as we were.}

{Linking in with Simplicity's photo challenge: white}

hang on for the ride

Four-and-a-half months of babyhood. This has got to be the most fun age of infancy so far. But oh my goodness, what a time of contrasts. It’s also by far the toughest!

How can the highs be so high and the lows be so low? I remember a line out of the Steve Martin movie, Parenthood. It went something like this... Would you rather spend your life on a ferris wheel or a roller coaster? I always said I’d choose the roller coaster – though less predictable, it’s so much more fun! (I think it's been about 20 years since I saw the film... was it granny that said it??)

Well, my preference for roller coasters is certainly being put to the test right now. Let this serve as a reminder to myself to hang on for the ride!

The fun things we’ve experienced:

• The screams of delight when playing peek-a-boo.
• Being able to “toss” baby in the air a little.
• Baby “singing along” to his favorites.
• Toes in the mouth!
• Splashing in the bath.
• Discovering cause and effect.
• More cuddles than ever before – laying his head on my chest and snuggling in even when he’s not tired. (SO sweet!)
• Baby chatter in full effect! (Levi’s fave word at the moment is “bla, bla, bla, bla” and he almost always says it in fours. So cute!)
• The baby chub is well and truly developing… love the little leg rolls!
• Adorable longing looks at mommy and daddy as we drink out of cups and eat “big boy food”.
• Mommy and daddy are the funniest people alive – especially when we’re dancing and making faces.

The tough things we’ve experienced:

• EARLY TEETHING. (Really? Ahhh!)
• Busting out of the swaddle and nighttime disturbances.
• The 45-min short nap rears its ugly head... again.
• GROWTH SPURT.
• Fussier (due to teething? developmental spurt? growth spurt? all of the above?!)
• Clingier and wants to be held far more.
• Wants to be entertained more.
• Can we say SLEEP PROBLEMS?!
• Four month immunizations. Ouch.
• Oh yeah, and let’s not forget TEETHING. I already listed that? Ok, how about a third time: TEETHING.

As much as these last few weeks have thrilled me, they have also frustrated me like never before! Just when I thought I was getting the hang of this whole thing, the child goes and changes it up on me! Schedule? Nailed it... Until four months that is.

At least I know I’m not alone. Two of my favorite baby resource sites – www.babywhisperer.com and www.babywisemom.com are absolutely filled with questions from mommies trying to navigate through the 4-5 month period. And honestly, if this period wasn’t so much fun (the giggles! the play! the slobbery kisses!) I’d just want to fast-forward through it.

Thank God I have a great husband who has been there not only to back me up, but to contribute proactively in so many ways. And thank God that he’s patiently letting me debrief each day and talk through the latest baby-rearing problems without rolling his eyes and saying, “here we go again.”

Another thing that is helping me to navigate this phase is a great resource on baby development that I found: a book called The Wonder Weeks (by Hetty van de Rijt and Frans Plooij). In it the authors describe the "eight predictable, age-linked leaps in your baby's mental development characterized by crying, cranky, clingy, a change... and the development of new skills." These eight pivotal weeks in babies’ development during their first year come at weeks 5, 8, 12, 19, 26, 37, 46, and 55 and are described as “magical leaps forward” in babies’ development, that also come with fussiness in the weeks which surround them.

And... so far, they’ve been right on track for our household!

Levi will be 19 weeks on Friday, and I just keep reminding myself that the challenges we’re having now are leading to some great new developments in his little world. I just need to be patient and help him through it.

The Wonder Weeks describe the fussy period, which is generally during weeks 14.5 to 19.5, with week 17 being the especially stormy week... and then the big developmental jump that happens during the 19^th “wonder week.”

Here’s how the Wonder Weeks describe this period for baby:

• He may have trouble sleeping. Check.
• He may become shy with strangers. Not really.
• He may demand more attention. Check.
• He may always want to be with you. Check.
• He may be moody. Check.
• He may cry more often or be cranky. Check.
• He may want more physical contact. Check.
• He may lose his appetite. Don't think so... maybe sometimes?
• He may have pronounced mood swings. Check.
• He may want more physical contact during nursing. Check.

For us, that's eight out of ten!

And all of that makes for some hard parenting work! Oh yeah, and they also say that this fussy period lasts longer than most of the others, which is why mothers can often wonder what in the world is wrong with their babies or what’s gone wrong with their mothering. (*sigh*)

They also describe some common things that mommy may be feeling during this period:

• Mom may (still) be exhausted.
• Mom may feel trapped and confined by baby’s demands and feel as if baby is calling the shots, even when you’re trying hard to maintain parent-led care.
• Mom may feel resentful and wonder why baby won’t respond to your care and attention.
• Mom may begin to wonder what “spoiling” your baby means and if you can somehow teach your baby that mother has feelings too.
• Mom may have little surges of aggression when baby won’t stop screaming (which are normal, but of course must not be acted upon).

Check. Check. Check. Check. And check.

The encouraging part of all of this is... that millions (billions?) of mommies throughout history have survived these little stormy periods... and so can we—so can I. In fact, I bet if most of us were to ask our own mothers, they wouldn’t even remember our four-month fussiness and it’s all just faded into the background leaving them with only memories of our sweet chubby checks, soft little bottoms, and adorable baby chatter.

But in the midst of it, those days can feel like weeks and the weeks feel like months! Thank God that in his wisdom he gave us the fun elements of this age to help balance things out. (Because really, babies are just SO FUN at this age too.)

And, it does help to know that all of this precedes a wonder week!

The Wonder Weeks describe what happens around this particular developmental leap:

• Dramatic increase in babies’ brain waves and sudden increase in head circumferences.
• Rolling over from tummy to back and back to tummy.
• Raises himself as if to try and start crawling and slides around the floor.
• Easily sits up straight when leaning against you and attempts to sit up straight by himself by leaning on his arms (succeeds briefly).
• Enjoys moving his mouth – puckering, siticking his tongue out.
• Transfers objects from one hand to another, even without looking.
• Studies and touches your mouth when you speak.
• Pulls a cloth from his face by himself.
• Tries grabbing things out of his reach.
• Stares in fascination at repetitive activities (brushing hair, slicing bread, etc.)
• Searches for you and turns around to find you.
• Holds a book in his hands and stares at pictures.
• Responds to his own name.
• Genuinely understands a few words.
• Responds appropriately to scolding or approving voice/tone.
• Makes new sounds and strings “words” together.
• Stretches his arms out to be picked up.
• Smacks lips when hungry.
• Opens his mouth and moves his face toward food.
• Pushes (or turns) away when he’s finished eating.
• Gets grumpy when impatient.
• Screams in frustration if he fails to do what he’s trying.
• (And lots more, but this list is already long enough!)

Then, what we can do to help:

• Let him explore objects.
• Help him do things he’s attempting but not yet successful at (rolling over, sitting, etc).
• Mix up the playthings – not only toys but every day household objects.
• Give him time to examine things as long as he’s interested. Don’t rush to intervene.
• Position your baby to observe you doing different things around the house.
• Play games like peek-a-boo and read stories.
• Spend time in front of the mirror.
• Talk to your baby as often as possible.
• Use short, repetitive sentences.
• Find a variety of ways to incorporate music into your play.

The Wonder Weeks authors also exhort mommies to remember that as much as you think your baby is a handful, he probably thinks you are too. He doesn’t understand why you can’t understand him and finds this very frustrating! And... they say that if you can just hold on, around week 21 a period of relative calm usually emerges. (I can see the light!)

So, this is the latest and greatest in the world of baby development... phew.

As hard as these last two weeks have been in our household, they’ve also been so much fun! We’ve had big swings from lots of giggles and laughter and delight... to lots of crankiness, crying, and frustration. (And this goes for both baby and mommy!)

High highs and low lows.

But really, when you boil it all down... this little stormy period will be well worth it to see my sweet boy emerging with a whole new bag of tricks in the weeks to come. And, as the old expression goes – this too, shall pass. And—as difficult as it is—I don’t want to miss it!

My babe is growing FAST and I’m still trying to soak it all in – tears, giggles, and all.

Oh mommyhood, no one promised you would be easy... but you certainly are worth it. (*sigh*, again.)

P.S. It really is a wonder... Just this morning Levi sat up by himself and lasted nearly a minute before toppling over. (And then repeated this several times after being propped up again.) He certainly didn't do this trick yesterday. Last night must have been a BIG night in his little world!


[Material summarized from The Wonder Weeks by Hetty van de Rijt, Ph.D. and Frans Plooij, Ph.D. © 1992, 2010, Kiddy World Promotions B.V.]


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tantrums, teething, and turning points... oh my!

mile•stone (mīl′stōn′) 

noun

1. a stone or pillar set up to show the distance in miles to or from a specified place.

2. a significant or important event in history, in the career of a person, etc.; a turning point.

I have a love-hate relationship with baby milestones.

When Levi was just 12 days old he rolled over for the first time. I was completely shocked and would have thought I imagined it had my husband not been right there witnessing it with me.

Two days later he did it again.

Of course after that he didn’t do it for weeks and weeks – until closer to the “normal” time babies usually roll over. He did it very sporadically for a while, but then one day in his 13th week he rolled over 8 times in one day. Then I knew it was legitimate: my baby was a roller.

I also remember the first time he sucked his thumb.

I remember the day he graduated from accidentally swiping at things to purposefully “boxing” at them.

I remember the first time he slept through the night.

I remember when he discovered that his hands actually belonged to him... and when he discovered his funny little toes.

I remember his first actual tears. (That was a tough one.)

I remember his first smile... the first giggle... the first outright laugh.

I remember the first time he cried a very identifiable “angry cry”... and his first little “tantrum”.

I remember when he started loving story-time and when he learned how to fall asleep on his own without being rocked or nursed.

I remember when he started grabbing and pulling things into his mouth... and when he learned he could not only take his paci out of his mouth, but put it back in again.

I remember when he started lifting up his legs and bum in anticipation of his diaper being changed… and his first time sitting “by himself” in the Bumbo.

And then there was teething.

This is Levi’s newest milestone.

After a very fussy week with the worst night time sleep we’ve had in his whopping 4-month-long life… we discovered it – a tiny white something barley sticking out of his top gums. That night we used teething gel and, sure enough, he slept normally again. The evidence was in. The verdict was then official: my little darling was teething.

As exciting as these little milestones all are (and of course there have been a hundred more), they also mean that little bubby is not as little any more.

They mean that my sweet boy is becoming more and more of his own little man, and less and less of that dependent little babe that snuzzled into my neck and fit easily into the length of my forearm.

Watching our children grow and develop is so exciting. We have our proud moments. We have our amazed moments. But we have our sad moments too.

Although I was excited to realize the cause of our little one’s restless, cranky week, I was also disappointed. Even though I already knew it, it drove home the fact that he certainly was no longer a newborn… and even his infancy is fast disappearing before my eyes.

I’m not ready to say good-bye to my little gummer yet.

This week was my fourth time to go through his dresser drawers and pack away tiny little onsies and baby jeans that he’s long outgrown already. I unpacked more of the clothes that, just weeks and months ago, looked so big and seemed so far away.

As stir-crazy as I go sometimes being a stay-at-home-mom, it’s in these moments that I’m reminded that I’m right where I want to be. This time goes so fast and I want to be around as much as possible so that I can burn all of it into my mind and onto my heart.

So yes, we’re now onto teething.

I’m glad my little gummer is doing so well. I’m glad he’s healthy and growing and developing (fast!) into a more “mature” baby.

But I’m also sharply reminded that once a milestone has passed... there’s another one right around the corner... and there’s no turning back. And with each milestone—each turning point—the distance from that sweet birthday gets farther and farther away, and easier and easier to forget.

Dear God, help me to take it all in. Help me to enjoy these precious moments with my little baby boy while I have them. Help me to record and remember. Yes God, help me to take it all in.




p.s. This was the first time that Levi ever boxed – one of my favorite little milestones. As small a feat as this seems now, I remember at the time thinking he was so clever. He was nearly three weeks old and I just happened to have the camera rolling. Perfect timing.

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