10 simple ways to lend a hand to stranded moms

"auntie" katie - my sanity while ryan was away.

Recently my husband was away on a work trip for nearly four weeks. It was not easy. During that time there were several things I was wishing for… and while it’s still fresh in my mind I wanted to share with you ten ways to help a mom who's going at it alone.

1.  Invite her over for dinner. Cooking dinner for one adult after a long day of taking care of kids can seem pointless. Spare your friend from having one too many grilled cheese sandwiches and bowls of cereal for dinner and invite her over for a meal. Do it early enough in the evening to not interfere with kids’ bedtimes.

2.  Even better, bring dinner over to her house. Either drop it off, or stay for a quick bite. Either way your friend will thank you.

3.  Mow her lawn. The last thing a busy mom can find time to do is mow the lawn. And besides, when will she be able to do it without little kids underfoot? At naptime? Nope! Not unless she wants a grumpy toddler on her hands after he wakes up prematurely from all the noise. Don’t offer, just show up and do it (unless you aren’t sure when naptimes are then, for heaven’s sake, definitely ask!).

4.  Take her kids for an afternoon play date. Don’t invite mom along, just give her some time to herself. Whether she has some errands to do or just wants to do nothing, the gift of a few hours sans kids will be a welcome blessing.

5.  Call her if you’re headed to the store to see if she needs anything picked up. Often mid-week she'll have one or two things needed from the store (milk!) that hubs would normally be able to quickly pick up on his way home from work. But with him away, a quick 10-minute errand can take a good 45-minutes out of mom’s day. Spare her!

6.  Wash her car. Though not a necessity, having a clean car can help bring peace of mind, and yet it often makes its way to the bottom of the priority list. Grab your own kiddos (or hers) and wash her car for her. Either that or ask to swap cars for an hour and take hers somewhere to have it cleaned.

7.  Offer to babysit one evening, or arrange a trusted sitter for her. See if she’d like to have a night to go out with the girls while hubs is away without having to scramble to find a sitter.

8.  Bring over some snacks and a chick flick for a girls night in. After days and days of being the on-duty parent 24/7 she may not have the energy to go out, but would love a little company and wind-down time in the comfort of her own home.

9.  Call once or twice a week just to see how things are going and if there’s anything you can do. Chances are things are going okay and your friend may say there’s nothing she needs help with, but just giving her that opportunity speaks volumes about how much you care.

10.  Help her clean her house before hubs gets home. Offer to come over the day before he arrives and lend a hand wherever she needs it.

And a BONUS tip:

If her husband is away over a holiday, then go out of your way to make it special for her. Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, etc… but especially if it’s over her birthday or Mothers Day when she is meant to be queen for the day! Help ease the blow of missing her hubs by going the extra mile and sending her out with a gift card for a coffee and a new book or magazine to relax with while you stay home with her kids and clean her house! And then let her come home and play with her kids while you stay a bit longer and make them all a nice dinner (or order them take-out).

In saying all of this, your friend may be supermom and not need any help at all… but I doubt it. (Especially if she's used to having a partner around.) If that is the case she will be glad for your initiative and your availability even if she doesn’t take you up on any of your offers.

The most important rule of thumb is: INITIATE. Don’t wait for her to ask… ask her first! Make her feel valued and cared for and supported while she’s going at it alone.

Dear friends, have you had your partner away for any period of time more than a couple of days? What is something that would have been a blessing to you while you were solo parenting?

glad that my solo days are over for now,

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adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

mothers day for those who have lost or are longing

For me, Mothers Day is sweet. But for many, I know it is bittersweet.

For mamas who have lost a child – born or unborn…

For women who have yearned for a child and have been unable to conceive…

For single women who long to be married and start a family yet remain waiting…

For those wanting to adopt who haven’t yet been able to see that dream become reality…

For those who needed to let someone else care for their child and had to say goodbye...

For single moms of young kids who are too young to know how to appreciate mommy as she deserves…

For moms serving in the military who are deployed and far away from their babies…

For moms of teenagers who have pushed away from them...

{And}

For those who never knew their mother…

For those who have had a mother walk out on them...

For those who had a mother who was there but not there...

For those who have lost a mother…

For those who have lost a grandmother…

For those who have lost a mother-figure...

To you, I want to say Happy Mothers Day as well.

May you be comforted in your loss or in your longing. May your eyes be opened to those you have “mothered” through your love and care and nurturing, whether you have children of your own or not. And may you be filled with sweet memories of the special women in your own life who are as mothers to you, even if your own is gone.

Mothers Day is not just a day for moms; it’s a day for women.

Mothers and mother figures everywhere are deserving of our honor. You are appreciated... and I sincerely hope there's someone in your life to help you know it.

I want your Mothers Day to be sweet as well. Because you make our future, and our children's future, better.

Little hands applaud you.

Dear friends, have you ever thought about mamas and women who are hurting on Mothers Day? Newsflash: not all are getting pampered with breakfast in bed and a day of no chores. How can you reach out to one today?

in support of women everywhere,

Bloggers for Birth Kits update: 210 kits donated, 34 posts spreading the word, more than 192 links on facebook (I lost track after that!), and tons of #B4BirthKits tweets. Yay! (I can't wait for our accounts office to open back up on Monday so we can get a new count!) Thank you for lending your heart and voice and resources to this important cause for mums & bubs in developing nations.

GIVEAWAY OPEN NOW: Enter to win The Pregnancy Companion - a wonderful book for expecting moms, whether you are one yourself or know someone that would appreciate this encouraging and practical gift! Entry is quick and simple. Click here.

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

going at it alone

Since becoming a mom, I have never had more respect or admiration for single moms and military wives. How these women manage to parent their children, run their households, earn a reasonable income (especially in the case of single moms), and maintain their sanity and well-being without the support of a loving husband is beyond me.

I'm completely baffled.

Obviously, the grace is there. Obviously there is a strength in women that lurks below the sometimes seemingly vulnerable surface. And obviously we are capable of far more than we often give ourselves credit for.

That being said--as much as I admire and respect these women who are going at it alone (all or most of the time)--I never want to join their ranks.

Being a mom on your own is hard. H.A.R.D.

despite missing ryan, levi and i had a
lovely easter together with friends

I've just passed the half-way mark of Ryan being away for nearly a month. I was glad to see him board a plane to Papua New Guinea where he would join teams of volunteer medical and aid workers on our organization's Medical Ship. Knowing that he's helping bring services and education to those who need it most is wonderful and satisfying. I whole-heartedly believe that it's a privilege to be able to serve others in this way, and if it weren't for the malaria risks associated with pregnancy (potential miscarriage or stillbirth to unborn babies), Levi and I would be right there along with him.

So yes, we are glad--and proud--to have Ryan away representing our family like this.

But I'd be joking if I said that having my husband sail up rivers into remote areas and villages of PNG is all fun and games. It's not.

Not for him... or for me.

To serve is always a sacrifice which must be weighed. It looks different for those who are going as well as those who are left behind. And for us, the sacrifices associated with this outreach are worth it.

photo source: ywam medical ship

But the fact remains that it's hard going at it alone.

Levi and I are doing fine. Of course we miss Ryan terribly--our incredibly kind-hearted husband and hands-on dad--but we will see him soon enough.

In the meantime, I'm seeing how tough I am and how resourceful I can be. I'm having a small taste of a new kind of perseverance and learning a tiny bit about life for the women who are my heros:

Single moms and military wives.

Seriously, these women should all be given medals.

Being a mom is an incredible joy and honor that I would wish for anyone who desires to be one. But it's also a tough gig in the best of times. And it's even tougher when your support system is stripped back to the minimum.

Recently a friend of mine asked me why I thought it was such a big deal to have my husband gone for a month. "What's so hard about it?" she earnestly asked me.

I almost fell off my chair. (Especially considering she is a mom herself.)

I guess we each have different standards and measuring sticks to determine what is difficult and what is not... and I'm ok with that. No need to get into comparisons. But let's just say I have a million answers to that question. In fact, I'd be tempted to ask the question in return: "What's not hard about having my husband away for so long?!"

But I knew she meant well and was just trying to lend a listening ear.

Like I said, Levi and I (and bubs) are doing well. (I can certainly feel the grace factor!) But that doesn't mean we aren't counting down the days until our family is reunited.

In the meantime, single moms and military wives - I salute you! You are amazing and your children should be so proud of you. (Same goes for single dads and military husbands.)

Dear friends, have you ever had a time where you've been a mom going at it alone? Maybe for a long time or maybe just for a "short" time like me? What did you find the hardest and how did you cope?

glad to usually not be alone,


P.S. Do you have any friends who are single moms or military wives? When is the last time you offered some form of support to them or told them how much you admire all they do for their families?

Are you an expecting mom? Have you linked-up yet?

Join the Bloggin' Babes and Babies of 2011.

{"Easter" with Casey}

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

the tired monster ate my... self

My husband assures me that I felt the same way during my last pregnancy. And by “same way” I mean dog-tired, highly emotional, and basically feeling like a train wreck on thin ice.

I don’t remember it that way at all.

I remember dreaming about tiny fingers and toes, diligently looking through baby name books, and making lists of things I wanted to stock the nursery with.

This time around is different though. This time around, I have tiny little fingers grabbing at me non-stop, tiny little toes running in circles around me, and no motivation or energy to look through lists of names I already know I don’t like.

And of course the nursery is already fully stocked.

But feeling like a walking zombie who—at any given moment—is ready to turn into a werewolf and do some serious damage to anyone in my path? That I don’t remember at all.

Apparently I just don’t have a great memory. (And I don’t have a blog to go back and refer to since I didn’t start blogging until Levi was close to four months old.)

My memory fails me.

I can’t remember feeling like if I couldn’t get a nap somewhere in the day I just might keel over and die. (I’m not trying to be dramatic here… I seriously feel that way often at the moment.) I don’t remember feeling overwhelmed with exhaustion to the point of tears every other day. And I certainly don’t remember wanting to a) bite someone’s head off on a regular basis or b) burst into deep sobs of frustration at any given moment in time.

when you're this tired... even airport floors look appealing

So this is a post in which I am whining. It’s so unbecoming isn’t it? I know. (I tell my one-year-old that all the time, though he doesn’t completely understand how unbecoming just yet. And—no doubt—I’m giving him a shining example.)

I feel like I’m failing, like I’m not being my “best self”. No one is getting my best – not my husband, not Levi, not friends, not my work, not God, and not even myself. Everyone’s getting the scraps that are left-over from the savage Tired Monster that’s sucking away all my physical and emotional energy.

The tank is low folks, and the fuel light is most definitely on.

“This will pass,” my husband reassures me, and of course I know he’s right.

But in the meantime I’m having a hard time keeping it all together.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a great life. I have support. I have an amazing I’ll-cook-dinner-AND-do-the-dishes sort of husband. I have plenty of moments of laughter and amusement during my day as I watch my sweet toddler grow and discover and work his magic on me.

I’m just kind-of wanting to fast-forward another four weeks or so to that golden second trimester. (Yes, I think most of my pregnancy memories are from the glorious middle.)

And yet I don’t want to be that lady either. You know, that lady who whines and complains and basks in self-pity. I don’t want to be that lady that thinks that because I’m pregnant the world should suddenly start revolving around me. And most of all I don’t want to be that lady who takes for granted the miracle of carrying and growing babies in the first place.

So, admitting that I’d give almost anything to just pack it all in and have a good, long, uninterrupted nap… I’m gonna buck up. I’m gonna be a grown-up. I’m gonna tidy up the house and change over the laundry and think about what to make for dinner.

I’m gonna give thanks for the nice home I sit in, the over-the-top gorgeous and hilarious and healthy kid that calls me “mama”, and the dream boat I get to curl up with every night.

I’m gonna look on the bright side, remember how privileged I am to get to carry a baby in the first place, and thank God that he trusts me enough to give me a second Gift in the form of a child.

I’m gonna dream about my little raspberry and love him or her without reservation from the very depths of my heart.

For every moment of exhaustion and every over-exaggerated emotion I will try to remind myself that these are very, very, very small sacrifices that many women would gladly accept in a heartbeat if it meant growing and birthing a child of her own.

And hopefully I can keep my fangs under wraps for just a few more weeks… until this short little phase passes.

Dear friends, do you remember feeling like this during your first trimester? I know it’s normal… yet I still struggle to feel normal! How did you cope during those first few months when you feel so miserable and don't even have a massive belly to show for it all?

yawn,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011 
do not reproduce without written permission

who's growth spurt is it anyway?

Growth. Spurt.

No thank you.
                    
And… yes please.

Any mom who’s successfully navigated one of their little one’s growth spurts knows how dreaded these beasts are: the fussiness, the constant feeding (including the wild protests when—gasp—there’s no milk left in there!), the all-over-the-place nap times, the crib parties at 8pm, 10pm, midnight, 2am, 4am… you get the picture.

{No thank you.}

And yet these same growth spurts are exactly what we want to see: our little one growing strong and healthy, gaining weight, acquiring balance, learning new tricks.

{Yes please.}

Levi recently finished another growth spurt. Whoever said they come at four weeks, eight weeks, four months, and six months certainly forgot to inform my son. In this house it feels like as soon as we’re out of one, another one begins. (Does anyone else seem to have these things monthly??) And I’ve also read that they usually last about two days. Again… make that four to six days in this happy little home.

Growth spurts have caused me to do a whole range of things from questioning my supply to acquiring rug burns on my knees as I ask God for mercy. I’ve pumped like crazy, and gone days on end with what any sane person would call “catnaps” through the nights. I’ve cried. I’ve laughed. I’ve gotten angry. I’ve gotten silly tired. I’ve been confused. And I’ve asked my husband a thousand times, “this is normal, right?”

This last growth spurt was a doozy. It came at about five months and one week… and stayed for daaaaays. We had almost an entire week of being up six or seven times a night… on a good night. I was frazzled and seriously ready to hire a nanny and go back to “work” (which, in fact, was sounding more and more like a holiday). There were lots of tears... from both of us.

And then I realized the real reason the growth spurt was so painful: Levi wasn’t the only one growing.

Yes, my son was stacking on the pounds – I’m sure of it. He was eating more and growing like crazy right before my eyes. He was forcing me to—yet again—swap over his clothes, putting some away for good and pulling out bigger sizes. {tear} He was indeed having a growth spurt.

But the real reason it felt so painful was much more personal: I, too, was having a growth spurt.

Through the constant feeding, the sleep deprivation, the questions reeling around my first-time-mommy brain… I had to (again) make the choice to be second in line. I had to (again) set aside my preferences and to give up my personal rights. {Free time? What’s that?! Sleep? Huh?! Energy? Where'd it go?!} I had to put someone else’s needs ahead of my own.

Of course I like to think I’ve done this before… and really, I have. But any parent will tell you that doing it in your role as mommy (or daddy) will take you to a much deeper level of sacrifice than you’ve ever known before. I never understood—never could understand—it on this level until now.

{So this is what it means to “grow up”?}

I don’t know how many times in that week that I moaned and complained (even if it was sometimes just under my breath). I’m not sure how many times I felt sorry for myself and wanted to swap places with my husband or my working-mom friends. I don’t know how many times I fantasized about a weekend away—completely alone—with just a stack of books and a huge bed with lots of blankets and pillows… and room service.

And I don’t know how many times the thought crossed my mind that I really am selfish.

Selfish. Ugh, such an ugly word… such an ugly attitude.

Yes, baby growth spurts are hard (and yeah, they definitely get cranky… making momma cranky), but in the grand scheme of things they are just a few tough days packed in between a whole lot of good ones.

But my growth spurt… I was being stretched! I was—I am—growing, changing, learning even more how to be selfless, flexible, adaptable, giving. I don’t think I was a horrible person before becoming a mother, and yet in doing so I have seen that I also had a lot of character flaws still to be worked out in my life. {God help me!}

I’m being refined as a woman like never before. I’m stepping up to the plate when I’d rather just sit the round out. I’m facing my fears and insecurities and anxieties (that I didn’t even realize I had) with a new resolve and boldness.

I'm still making mistakes, still having hard days... but more and more I'm also finding peace in the chaos.

I’m growing up.

So, as Levi eats more to sustain his growth and take him to the next level, so do I. It’s just that my “eating” looks a little different. My “food” is prayer, breathing deeply, talking the challenges through, making time to think and reflect, taking things in stride, being deliberate about “rolling with it”, choosing humility and sacrifice, and choosing to become a better woman.

We are both growing.

Painful? Absolutely. {Ugh, no thank you.}

Productive and healthy and necessary and good? Most definitely. {Yes... yes please.}

Dear mommy friends, what are your biggest challenges as you're being stretched to become a "bigger" woman? In what ways do you feel motherhood has caused you to "grow up"?

Want more? 

"You're a great mum." (Can you please tell me again?)

Oh Nap Time where art thou?

Hang on for the ride

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"you are a great mum." (can you please tell me again?)

Before becoming a mom I had heard it a thousand times: “Being a mom is the best—and hardest—job in the world.” But nothing could quite prepare me for the reality of that statement.

As a tween, teenager, and young adult I was always around children. I started volunteering in the church nursery and teaching Sunday school when I was about 10 years old. I also started babysitting the neighbour kids around the same time.

By the time I reached fourteen I was such a sought-after babysitter that I literally had jobs lined up every night of the week, and sometimes 2-3 times a day on the weekends.

When I was old enough to get a workers permit, I began working at a local preschool and childcare center. I loved my job and I worked there for four years all during high school. After that I went on to be a nanny for twin baby girls.

I loved kids and kids loved me!

When I was in college I took at developmental psychology class. Not only did I ace the class, but my professor told me that some day I should write a book on parenting. (She told me this based on my essays on early childhood development.) I was 19 then, and nowhere near ready to be a parent, but I left that class with even more confidence about my ability to care for children.

I knew things would be different when it was my turn to be a mommy, and that having kids of my own is far different to looking after someone else’s kids. And yet, even still, I went into mommyhood with a lot of confidence. After all, I loved kids and kids loved me… right? Plus, I had a lot of experience… right?

I was totally secure when it came to working with, and caring for, children.

So although I was as prepared as I could be for the challenge when my day as mommy finally came, what I wasn’t prepared for was that there would be days when I feel incredibly insecure as a mother. I wasn’t prepared for the fact that there would days when I have no idea what I’m doing wrong, and yet—judging by the amount of tears—I clearly wasn’t doing something right either. I wasn’t prepared for the days that I would feel just a little bit incompetent or that my husband would be a better mom that me. And I wasn’t prepared for the days where I would want to pack up and leave. (Where I’d go, I have no idea.)

This entire barrage of emotions and insecurities has taken me by complete surprise.

I’ve always been a pretty confident person, fairly self-assured, and a great problem-solver. I’ve been an “achiever” and a make-it-happen sort of girl. I was single and quite independent until I was 30, and I had a lot of life experience both socially and professionally through my work in various parts of the world. I’ve always considered myself a “strong woman” who could make the most of challenges and opportunities alike.

And yet in mommyhood, I’m learning that some days I can’t just “make it happen”. Some days I can’t just solve the problem the way I’d like to. Some days my baby is just going to cry, no matter how hard I try to help. Some days I feel really vulnerable.

This means that I am learning that I have to loosen the grip on my own expectations. I have to let things go. I have to accept that this little person will not fit into my box. For me this is a huge challenge, because when baby is not happy, I’m not happy… and I feel as if I’m failed both of us in some way.

And then I find myself asking the question again, “Why is this so hard?”

Deep down I know there’s a very good reason that it’s hard, many reasons in fact.

Yes, it’s hard because I’m tired – that’s a given – but it’s also hard because I’ve never been here before. It’s hard because I’m on unfamiliar ground. It’s hard because life has changed drastically. And it’s hard because love requires sacrifice.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about any relationship, it’s that you can’t have purity of love without purity of sacrifice. The most clear example of this is in the Bible when God gave the world the freedom to choose to follow Him or not (an incredible sacrifice born out of incredible love). You can see this principle right throughout all relationships, especially close ones like marriage, family, and intimate friendships.

And so I look at my own sacrifices – things like lack of sleep, lack of free time, lack of personal space – and I know that these are so small in comparison to the love that I feel for my son. But in those moments of confusion and tiredness and desperation to know how to care for him and not go insane in the process, it’s hard to remember that my “small” sacrifices are part of the loving.

It’s tough, and we all need encouragement along the way.

A few days ago a friend of mine came over for a “cuppa”. We sat on the couch with my happy baby bouncing between our laps and she told me what a great mum I am. Immediately my eyes welled up with tears.

Apparently she struck a nerve.

This is a woman who’s been a mom herself for 19 years. This is a woman who knows what she’s talking about. This is the kind of woman who I needed to affirm and encourage me.

Those simple words were like water to my weary soul.

As I struggle in my mind to stay in a place of peace within, of confidence in myself, of strength in the midst of vulnerability, and of joy through the trials and tiredness, I was reminded how crucial it is to receive affirmation and encouragement for the journey, especially from the “right” people.

Because some days I sail through motherhood – I feel like a natural and it all comes so easily as my day flows beautifully. And then other days I stumble along, feeling like a mess in need of some serious motherhood coaching and instruction!

So, even though I’m still new at all of this, I hope that I can also be the “right person” to encourage someone else that needs it… because I will be the first to admit that being a mommy is not easy, even for *ahem* strong, capable women. Being a mommy requires vast amounts of patience, perseverance, self control, and personal sacrifice. And, to most of us, those things don’t come easily no matter how successful we thought we were in character or ability prior to becoming moms.

Children are a gift in so many ways, but the aspect I’m reminded of today is that they are a gift to remind us that we aren’t invincible, we aren’t perfect, we aren’t in control, we are still learning, still growing… and—with the help and encouragement of others who’ve gone before us—we are totally up for the challenge.

Thank you God for my Little Gift sent to make me a better woman... His name is Levi.

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hang on for the ride

Four-and-a-half months of babyhood. This has got to be the most fun age of infancy so far. But oh my goodness, what a time of contrasts. It’s also by far the toughest!

How can the highs be so high and the lows be so low? I remember a line out of the Steve Martin movie, Parenthood. It went something like this... Would you rather spend your life on a ferris wheel or a roller coaster? I always said I’d choose the roller coaster – though less predictable, it’s so much more fun! (I think it's been about 20 years since I saw the film... was it granny that said it??)

Well, my preference for roller coasters is certainly being put to the test right now. Let this serve as a reminder to myself to hang on for the ride!

The fun things we’ve experienced:

• The screams of delight when playing peek-a-boo.
• Being able to “toss” baby in the air a little.
• Baby “singing along” to his favorites.
• Toes in the mouth!
• Splashing in the bath.
• Discovering cause and effect.
• More cuddles than ever before – laying his head on my chest and snuggling in even when he’s not tired. (SO sweet!)
• Baby chatter in full effect! (Levi’s fave word at the moment is “bla, bla, bla, bla” and he almost always says it in fours. So cute!)
• The baby chub is well and truly developing… love the little leg rolls!
• Adorable longing looks at mommy and daddy as we drink out of cups and eat “big boy food”.
• Mommy and daddy are the funniest people alive – especially when we’re dancing and making faces.

The tough things we’ve experienced:

• EARLY TEETHING. (Really? Ahhh!)
• Busting out of the swaddle and nighttime disturbances.
• The 45-min short nap rears its ugly head... again.
• GROWTH SPURT.
• Fussier (due to teething? developmental spurt? growth spurt? all of the above?!)
• Clingier and wants to be held far more.
• Wants to be entertained more.
• Can we say SLEEP PROBLEMS?!
• Four month immunizations. Ouch.
• Oh yeah, and let’s not forget TEETHING. I already listed that? Ok, how about a third time: TEETHING.

As much as these last few weeks have thrilled me, they have also frustrated me like never before! Just when I thought I was getting the hang of this whole thing, the child goes and changes it up on me! Schedule? Nailed it... Until four months that is.

At least I know I’m not alone. Two of my favorite baby resource sites – www.babywhisperer.com and www.babywisemom.com are absolutely filled with questions from mommies trying to navigate through the 4-5 month period. And honestly, if this period wasn’t so much fun (the giggles! the play! the slobbery kisses!) I’d just want to fast-forward through it.

Thank God I have a great husband who has been there not only to back me up, but to contribute proactively in so many ways. And thank God that he’s patiently letting me debrief each day and talk through the latest baby-rearing problems without rolling his eyes and saying, “here we go again.”

Another thing that is helping me to navigate this phase is a great resource on baby development that I found: a book called The Wonder Weeks (by Hetty van de Rijt and Frans Plooij). In it the authors describe the "eight predictable, age-linked leaps in your baby's mental development characterized by crying, cranky, clingy, a change... and the development of new skills." These eight pivotal weeks in babies’ development during their first year come at weeks 5, 8, 12, 19, 26, 37, 46, and 55 and are described as “magical leaps forward” in babies’ development, that also come with fussiness in the weeks which surround them.

And... so far, they’ve been right on track for our household!

Levi will be 19 weeks on Friday, and I just keep reminding myself that the challenges we’re having now are leading to some great new developments in his little world. I just need to be patient and help him through it.

The Wonder Weeks describe the fussy period, which is generally during weeks 14.5 to 19.5, with week 17 being the especially stormy week... and then the big developmental jump that happens during the 19^th “wonder week.”

Here’s how the Wonder Weeks describe this period for baby:

• He may have trouble sleeping. Check.
• He may become shy with strangers. Not really.
• He may demand more attention. Check.
• He may always want to be with you. Check.
• He may be moody. Check.
• He may cry more often or be cranky. Check.
• He may want more physical contact. Check.
• He may lose his appetite. Don't think so... maybe sometimes?
• He may have pronounced mood swings. Check.
• He may want more physical contact during nursing. Check.

For us, that's eight out of ten!

And all of that makes for some hard parenting work! Oh yeah, and they also say that this fussy period lasts longer than most of the others, which is why mothers can often wonder what in the world is wrong with their babies or what’s gone wrong with their mothering. (*sigh*)

They also describe some common things that mommy may be feeling during this period:

• Mom may (still) be exhausted.
• Mom may feel trapped and confined by baby’s demands and feel as if baby is calling the shots, even when you’re trying hard to maintain parent-led care.
• Mom may feel resentful and wonder why baby won’t respond to your care and attention.
• Mom may begin to wonder what “spoiling” your baby means and if you can somehow teach your baby that mother has feelings too.
• Mom may have little surges of aggression when baby won’t stop screaming (which are normal, but of course must not be acted upon).

Check. Check. Check. Check. And check.

The encouraging part of all of this is... that millions (billions?) of mommies throughout history have survived these little stormy periods... and so can we—so can I. In fact, I bet if most of us were to ask our own mothers, they wouldn’t even remember our four-month fussiness and it’s all just faded into the background leaving them with only memories of our sweet chubby checks, soft little bottoms, and adorable baby chatter.

But in the midst of it, those days can feel like weeks and the weeks feel like months! Thank God that in his wisdom he gave us the fun elements of this age to help balance things out. (Because really, babies are just SO FUN at this age too.)

And, it does help to know that all of this precedes a wonder week!

The Wonder Weeks describe what happens around this particular developmental leap:

• Dramatic increase in babies’ brain waves and sudden increase in head circumferences.
• Rolling over from tummy to back and back to tummy.
• Raises himself as if to try and start crawling and slides around the floor.
• Easily sits up straight when leaning against you and attempts to sit up straight by himself by leaning on his arms (succeeds briefly).
• Enjoys moving his mouth – puckering, siticking his tongue out.
• Transfers objects from one hand to another, even without looking.
• Studies and touches your mouth when you speak.
• Pulls a cloth from his face by himself.
• Tries grabbing things out of his reach.
• Stares in fascination at repetitive activities (brushing hair, slicing bread, etc.)
• Searches for you and turns around to find you.
• Holds a book in his hands and stares at pictures.
• Responds to his own name.
• Genuinely understands a few words.
• Responds appropriately to scolding or approving voice/tone.
• Makes new sounds and strings “words” together.
• Stretches his arms out to be picked up.
• Smacks lips when hungry.
• Opens his mouth and moves his face toward food.
• Pushes (or turns) away when he’s finished eating.
• Gets grumpy when impatient.
• Screams in frustration if he fails to do what he’s trying.
• (And lots more, but this list is already long enough!)

Then, what we can do to help:

• Let him explore objects.
• Help him do things he’s attempting but not yet successful at (rolling over, sitting, etc).
• Mix up the playthings – not only toys but every day household objects.
• Give him time to examine things as long as he’s interested. Don’t rush to intervene.
• Position your baby to observe you doing different things around the house.
• Play games like peek-a-boo and read stories.
• Spend time in front of the mirror.
• Talk to your baby as often as possible.
• Use short, repetitive sentences.
• Find a variety of ways to incorporate music into your play.

The Wonder Weeks authors also exhort mommies to remember that as much as you think your baby is a handful, he probably thinks you are too. He doesn’t understand why you can’t understand him and finds this very frustrating! And... they say that if you can just hold on, around week 21 a period of relative calm usually emerges. (I can see the light!)

So, this is the latest and greatest in the world of baby development... phew.

As hard as these last two weeks have been in our household, they’ve also been so much fun! We’ve had big swings from lots of giggles and laughter and delight... to lots of crankiness, crying, and frustration. (And this goes for both baby and mommy!)

High highs and low lows.

But really, when you boil it all down... this little stormy period will be well worth it to see my sweet boy emerging with a whole new bag of tricks in the weeks to come. And, as the old expression goes – this too, shall pass. And—as difficult as it is—I don’t want to miss it!

My babe is growing FAST and I’m still trying to soak it all in – tears, giggles, and all.

Oh mommyhood, no one promised you would be easy... but you certainly are worth it. (*sigh*, again.)

P.S. It really is a wonder... Just this morning Levi sat up by himself and lasted nearly a minute before toppling over. (And then repeated this several times after being propped up again.) He certainly didn't do this trick yesterday. Last night must have been a BIG night in his little world!


[Material summarized from The Wonder Weeks by Hetty van de Rijt, Ph.D. and Frans Plooij, Ph.D. © 1992, 2010, Kiddy World Promotions B.V.]


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