10 simple ways to lend a hand to stranded moms

"auntie" katie - my sanity while ryan was away.

Recently my husband was away on a work trip for nearly four weeks. It was not easy. During that time there were several things I was wishing for… and while it’s still fresh in my mind I wanted to share with you ten ways to help a mom who's going at it alone.

1.  Invite her over for dinner. Cooking dinner for one adult after a long day of taking care of kids can seem pointless. Spare your friend from having one too many grilled cheese sandwiches and bowls of cereal for dinner and invite her over for a meal. Do it early enough in the evening to not interfere with kids’ bedtimes.

2.  Even better, bring dinner over to her house. Either drop it off, or stay for a quick bite. Either way your friend will thank you.

3.  Mow her lawn. The last thing a busy mom can find time to do is mow the lawn. And besides, when will she be able to do it without little kids underfoot? At naptime? Nope! Not unless she wants a grumpy toddler on her hands after he wakes up prematurely from all the noise. Don’t offer, just show up and do it (unless you aren’t sure when naptimes are then, for heaven’s sake, definitely ask!).

4.  Take her kids for an afternoon play date. Don’t invite mom along, just give her some time to herself. Whether she has some errands to do or just wants to do nothing, the gift of a few hours sans kids will be a welcome blessing.

5.  Call her if you’re headed to the store to see if she needs anything picked up. Often mid-week she'll have one or two things needed from the store (milk!) that hubs would normally be able to quickly pick up on his way home from work. But with him away, a quick 10-minute errand can take a good 45-minutes out of mom’s day. Spare her!

6.  Wash her car. Though not a necessity, having a clean car can help bring peace of mind, and yet it often makes its way to the bottom of the priority list. Grab your own kiddos (or hers) and wash her car for her. Either that or ask to swap cars for an hour and take hers somewhere to have it cleaned.

7.  Offer to babysit one evening, or arrange a trusted sitter for her. See if she’d like to have a night to go out with the girls while hubs is away without having to scramble to find a sitter.

8.  Bring over some snacks and a chick flick for a girls night in. After days and days of being the on-duty parent 24/7 she may not have the energy to go out, but would love a little company and wind-down time in the comfort of her own home.

9.  Call once or twice a week just to see how things are going and if there’s anything you can do. Chances are things are going okay and your friend may say there’s nothing she needs help with, but just giving her that opportunity speaks volumes about how much you care.

10.  Help her clean her house before hubs gets home. Offer to come over the day before he arrives and lend a hand wherever she needs it.

And a BONUS tip:

If her husband is away over a holiday, then go out of your way to make it special for her. Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, etc… but especially if it’s over her birthday or Mothers Day when she is meant to be queen for the day! Help ease the blow of missing her hubs by going the extra mile and sending her out with a gift card for a coffee and a new book or magazine to relax with while you stay home with her kids and clean her house! And then let her come home and play with her kids while you stay a bit longer and make them all a nice dinner (or order them take-out).

In saying all of this, your friend may be supermom and not need any help at all… but I doubt it. (Especially if she's used to having a partner around.) If that is the case she will be glad for your initiative and your availability even if she doesn’t take you up on any of your offers.

The most important rule of thumb is: INITIATE. Don’t wait for her to ask… ask her first! Make her feel valued and cared for and supported while she’s going at it alone.

Dear friends, have you had your partner away for any period of time more than a couple of days? What is something that would have been a blessing to you while you were solo parenting?

glad that my solo days are over for now,

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adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

perhaps i should clothe my child more often?

We had some friends over for a mommy/baby play date the other day. It was fun watching the kids play together while my sweet friend and I caught up.

It wasn't until after our friends were gone and I was looking through the few photos that I snapped, when I realized that I hadn't even put Levi in clothes that day.

As usual, there he was in just his diaper with his rolly-polly tummy perched on top.

Yes, near-nudey baby was on a date with a well-dressed older woman.

{is she trying to hand him a sock here? i wouldn't be surprised.}

On another note, why is my child the same size as a girl five months his senior?

Dear friends, aren't you grateful for friends that you don't have to try and impress? 

relaxed, secure, and grateful,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

aloha!

We are in Hawaii.

I know, I know. It’s a tough life.

We’re actually here for a work conference.

But like any clever family would do, we came four days early so we could have some fun and free time.

And fun and free time we’ve been having… with some amazing family and friends.

There has been unbelievable beauty.

There has been ice cream.

There has been sand. Plenty.

There has been swimming. And wave jumping.

There has been splashing. And posing. And a whole lot of smiling.

There has been screaming with delight.

There has been dolphin sightings and aqua blue lagoons.

There has been sunshine. And palm trees. And green, green grass.

There has been naps in the shade.

There has been fine dining.

There has been new friends. (Beautiful new friends.)

There has been lots of time to play.

There has been double the fun. And a bit hand-holding.

There has been freedom to go au natural.

There has been play time with the big kids.

There has been many sleeps on-the-go.

There has been numerous attempts at a family photo.

There has been lots of precious moments with people we love.

And there has been one very happy family.

Dear friends, how's that for a photo dump? All I can say here is… I hope you get one of these soon too. Cuz this is really, really good.

working at not working,


p.s. I'm actually in Oregon now... but when I started writing this I was still in Hawaii. Anyway, there you go. It was such a good vacation that I just had no time to be online. Or something like that. :)

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

who are you missing?

Do you have friends that live far away that you just wish lived closer?

We got to visit some friends that fit in that category while we were in Sydney recently.

Although they have a couple of kids older than Levi, they do have a little cherub that is just two weeks older than him.

Introducing Ashley:

Isn't she just gorgeous?

It was so fun to see the kids playing together.

They were a little more interested in each other than the last time around:

{10 weeks old with levi's nan and ashley's brother will.}

Yes, our little 10-month-olds were a sight to be seen.

Two adorable peas in a pod really.

Does it get any more precious than this?

Seriously. {sigh}

Dear friends, who are you missing lately?

loving the littlies,

p.s. Just a little FYI... while I'm on holidays I may not have much time to visit and comment on blogs... So if you hear from me a little less, that's why. But that doesn't mean I'm not still reading them in my reader! :)

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

it takes a village

Ryan and I are great parents. {grin} We’re not perfect by any means but we do our best. In my opinion, that means we’re “great”.

But even “great” parents aren’t enough to raise healthy, balanced kids. Children need input, affection, acceptance, and attention from others as well.

You’ve heard the expression, “It takes a village…”?

Granted, if we were the last two adults on earth, I’m sure Ryan and I would be able to do a good job raising our kids… and they could be “healthy and balanced.” (So maybe we are "enough" in that sense.) But, since we are not the last two people on earth – and our kids need to learn how to relate to a whole range of people (not just dear old mom and dad) – it makes sense to me that they need others to help raise them and expose them to different personalities, different interests, different world views, different approaches, and different outlooks on life.

Of course as a parent of a young child, I’m going to be more selective with the people my child spends time with… That’s part of my responsibility to him: to lovingly protect and filter in ways that he can’t yet do for himself. But as time goes on—although I will continue to monitor—I will also be more and more releasing of that responsibility to him (as age-appropriate of course).

That is one of the reasons that I believe extended family is so important for Levi. These are people that we know and trust and understand their motives and values – people that I want him (and future children) to be around and be influenced by.

But in our case, as with most people, the term “family” stretches beyond actual relatives to include a number of good friends.

Since my natural family lives in another country, and Ryan’s natural family lives a 30-hour car drive away, the “family” (friends) surrounding us has become that much more important. Although friends can never completely replace our biological families (nor should they), they do serve an incredibly important role in filling out our families.

Enter... the Aunties.

Levi has lots of “Aunties” (and “Uncles” too for that matter), but the ones pictured above – Katie, Kate, and Jen – are some of our favorites. These are women that love and adore our son almost as much as we do. These are women who we trust to care for him. These are women who we want to influence his life because we love who they are and what they stand for.

Of course there are some other very important “aunties and uncles” in addition to those three… but these three are the ones I have a great photo of, so they are the ones that get “picked on” today. {grin}

We love Auntie Katie, Auntie Kate, and Auntie Jen. Not only do they practically help us with caring for Levi (awesome babysitters are such a blessing!) but they have become an extension of our family, which is important not only to Ryan and I, but also to Levi. (And even more so since his “real life” aunt and uncles and grandparents live so far away.)

We’re so thankful for their positive influence in Levi’s life. (As well as the other aunties and uncles that are too many to name individually here!)

I wish every kid got to have aunties that love and adore them as much as these aunties love and adore Levi. No doubt he will grow up feeling valued and treasured thanks, in part, to these ladies sharing their lives with him and investing into his childhood (which is an investment into his future).

Having good "aunties" (and "uncles") to help shape and teach our little ones in their formative years will—no doubt—make them better men and women one day.

This kind of “family” means so much to us, and we count our blessings to have them in our lives.

Dear friends, what about you? Do your children have bonus “aunties and uncles”? What do they mean to you? And how do you hope they will help shape your children’s future?

lovin the aunties,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission