10 simple ways to lend a hand to stranded moms

"auntie" katie - my sanity while ryan was away.

Recently my husband was away on a work trip for nearly four weeks. It was not easy. During that time there were several things I was wishing for… and while it’s still fresh in my mind I wanted to share with you ten ways to help a mom who's going at it alone.

1.  Invite her over for dinner. Cooking dinner for one adult after a long day of taking care of kids can seem pointless. Spare your friend from having one too many grilled cheese sandwiches and bowls of cereal for dinner and invite her over for a meal. Do it early enough in the evening to not interfere with kids’ bedtimes.

2.  Even better, bring dinner over to her house. Either drop it off, or stay for a quick bite. Either way your friend will thank you.

3.  Mow her lawn. The last thing a busy mom can find time to do is mow the lawn. And besides, when will she be able to do it without little kids underfoot? At naptime? Nope! Not unless she wants a grumpy toddler on her hands after he wakes up prematurely from all the noise. Don’t offer, just show up and do it (unless you aren’t sure when naptimes are then, for heaven’s sake, definitely ask!).

4.  Take her kids for an afternoon play date. Don’t invite mom along, just give her some time to herself. Whether she has some errands to do or just wants to do nothing, the gift of a few hours sans kids will be a welcome blessing.

5.  Call her if you’re headed to the store to see if she needs anything picked up. Often mid-week she'll have one or two things needed from the store (milk!) that hubs would normally be able to quickly pick up on his way home from work. But with him away, a quick 10-minute errand can take a good 45-minutes out of mom’s day. Spare her!

6.  Wash her car. Though not a necessity, having a clean car can help bring peace of mind, and yet it often makes its way to the bottom of the priority list. Grab your own kiddos (or hers) and wash her car for her. Either that or ask to swap cars for an hour and take hers somewhere to have it cleaned.

7.  Offer to babysit one evening, or arrange a trusted sitter for her. See if she’d like to have a night to go out with the girls while hubs is away without having to scramble to find a sitter.

8.  Bring over some snacks and a chick flick for a girls night in. After days and days of being the on-duty parent 24/7 she may not have the energy to go out, but would love a little company and wind-down time in the comfort of her own home.

9.  Call once or twice a week just to see how things are going and if there’s anything you can do. Chances are things are going okay and your friend may say there’s nothing she needs help with, but just giving her that opportunity speaks volumes about how much you care.

10.  Help her clean her house before hubs gets home. Offer to come over the day before he arrives and lend a hand wherever she needs it.

And a BONUS tip:

If her husband is away over a holiday, then go out of your way to make it special for her. Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, etc… but especially if it’s over her birthday or Mothers Day when she is meant to be queen for the day! Help ease the blow of missing her hubs by going the extra mile and sending her out with a gift card for a coffee and a new book or magazine to relax with while you stay home with her kids and clean her house! And then let her come home and play with her kids while you stay a bit longer and make them all a nice dinner (or order them take-out).

In saying all of this, your friend may be supermom and not need any help at all… but I doubt it. (Especially if she's used to having a partner around.) If that is the case she will be glad for your initiative and your availability even if she doesn’t take you up on any of your offers.

The most important rule of thumb is: INITIATE. Don’t wait for her to ask… ask her first! Make her feel valued and cared for and supported while she’s going at it alone.

Dear friends, have you had your partner away for any period of time more than a couple of days? What is something that would have been a blessing to you while you were solo parenting?

glad that my solo days are over for now,

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adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

going at it alone

Since becoming a mom, I have never had more respect or admiration for single moms and military wives. How these women manage to parent their children, run their households, earn a reasonable income (especially in the case of single moms), and maintain their sanity and well-being without the support of a loving husband is beyond me.

I'm completely baffled.

Obviously, the grace is there. Obviously there is a strength in women that lurks below the sometimes seemingly vulnerable surface. And obviously we are capable of far more than we often give ourselves credit for.

That being said--as much as I admire and respect these women who are going at it alone (all or most of the time)--I never want to join their ranks.

Being a mom on your own is hard. H.A.R.D.

despite missing ryan, levi and i had a
lovely easter together with friends

I've just passed the half-way mark of Ryan being away for nearly a month. I was glad to see him board a plane to Papua New Guinea where he would join teams of volunteer medical and aid workers on our organization's Medical Ship. Knowing that he's helping bring services and education to those who need it most is wonderful and satisfying. I whole-heartedly believe that it's a privilege to be able to serve others in this way, and if it weren't for the malaria risks associated with pregnancy (potential miscarriage or stillbirth to unborn babies), Levi and I would be right there along with him.

So yes, we are glad--and proud--to have Ryan away representing our family like this.

But I'd be joking if I said that having my husband sail up rivers into remote areas and villages of PNG is all fun and games. It's not.

Not for him... or for me.

To serve is always a sacrifice which must be weighed. It looks different for those who are going as well as those who are left behind. And for us, the sacrifices associated with this outreach are worth it.

photo source: ywam medical ship

But the fact remains that it's hard going at it alone.

Levi and I are doing fine. Of course we miss Ryan terribly--our incredibly kind-hearted husband and hands-on dad--but we will see him soon enough.

In the meantime, I'm seeing how tough I am and how resourceful I can be. I'm having a small taste of a new kind of perseverance and learning a tiny bit about life for the women who are my heros:

Single moms and military wives.

Seriously, these women should all be given medals.

Being a mom is an incredible joy and honor that I would wish for anyone who desires to be one. But it's also a tough gig in the best of times. And it's even tougher when your support system is stripped back to the minimum.

Recently a friend of mine asked me why I thought it was such a big deal to have my husband gone for a month. "What's so hard about it?" she earnestly asked me.

I almost fell off my chair. (Especially considering she is a mom herself.)

I guess we each have different standards and measuring sticks to determine what is difficult and what is not... and I'm ok with that. No need to get into comparisons. But let's just say I have a million answers to that question. In fact, I'd be tempted to ask the question in return: "What's not hard about having my husband away for so long?!"

But I knew she meant well and was just trying to lend a listening ear.

Like I said, Levi and I (and bubs) are doing well. (I can certainly feel the grace factor!) But that doesn't mean we aren't counting down the days until our family is reunited.

In the meantime, single moms and military wives - I salute you! You are amazing and your children should be so proud of you. (Same goes for single dads and military husbands.)

Dear friends, have you ever had a time where you've been a mom going at it alone? Maybe for a long time or maybe just for a "short" time like me? What did you find the hardest and how did you cope?

glad to usually not be alone,


P.S. Do you have any friends who are single moms or military wives? When is the last time you offered some form of support to them or told them how much you admire all they do for their families?

Are you an expecting mom? Have you linked-up yet?

Join the Bloggin' Babes and Babies of 2011.

{"Easter" with Casey}

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

4 ways single moms are thriving

By Samantha Gregory, author of Rich Single Momma

{This post is part of the Moms Who Work series.}

Too often we hear about single moms who are having nervous breakdowns, exploiting their situation or children, and behaving badly. The media has a way of blowing things out of proportion and highlighting the worst cases. The truth is more single moms are thriving than those who aren’t.

I want to share four ways I and numerous other single moms are thriving and embracing life.

1. We are embracing our individuality rather than be stuffed into a pre-defined mold. We are snatching off society’s negative labels and customizing pretty ones of our own.

Being a carbon copy of other single mothers is rather boring so I embrace my unique personality, skill set, and talents to redefine what it means to be a solo mother.

2. We are pursuing more/better education to lift ourselves up out of the lower class. It may be okay to start there but it’s not okay to remain there.

I decided to return to college 10 years and two children later. It was tough but my drive to make a better life for myself and my kids made every challenge worth it. That focus made it possible for me to graduate with honors and go on to work for a well-known government agency.

3. We are seeking well-rounded life experiences individually and with our children. Broadening our horizons through art, travel, film, and music is more attractive than rotting way in front of a television. Being narrow-minded is not an option.

Just this year I got memberships to the science and art museums. The kids and I love watching classic and the latest film then we talk about the themes or just the really funny parts. We have a high level of music appreciation beyond the latest popular tunes and rap music. It’s not uncommon to hear classical, jazz, and inspirational music coming from our speakers.

4. We are starting our own businesses to stretch our resources rather than suffer the fate of financial destitution. We refuse to settle for handouts and government assistance. If starting a business is not our thing, we make a few extra dollars with our hobbies.

I started my first business when my daughter was two years old. Since that time I’ve done freelance resume, technical, and copy writing to make extra money.

Being a single parent is not all bad and, case by case, you will find single moms who do a really good job and others who struggle terribly. Whether they are never married, divorced, or widowed moms, they have so much to offer the world. The point is they have very real choices and the ability to thrive no matter what the circumstances are.

Bio: Samantha Gregory is a single mom blogger over at RichSingleMomma.com. Stop by and pick up a copy of the Single Mom Success and Survival Kit to manage the journey and learn how to make extra cash too. Follow her on Twitter @richsinglemomma too!

For further reading in this series:

• All moms work hard
• How to be a stay-at-home mom without losing your marbles
• Mom on a wire: finding balance and sanity in a home with two working parents
• Readers speak up about the best and worst of... being a working mom
• How I became a pediatrician turned stay-at-home mom
• The pros and cons of being a work-from-home mom
• From home to work or work to home: speaking up about the transition process
• Back to work: How to prepare for the transition after maternity leave
• Are SAHMs 1950-ish? {readers speak up about the best and worst}

Dear mommy-friends, are you a single mom? What are some of the ways you thrive as a mom? Are there any misconceptions that you feel people have about single moms that you'd like to address? What is the most difficult--and the best--thing about being a single mom? What can other moms do to best support you as a single parent? 

always glad to see women thriving,

Have you registered your blog here yet?

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission