10 simple ways to lend a hand to stranded moms

"auntie" katie - my sanity while ryan was away.

Recently my husband was away on a work trip for nearly four weeks. It was not easy. During that time there were several things I was wishing for… and while it’s still fresh in my mind I wanted to share with you ten ways to help a mom who's going at it alone.

1.  Invite her over for dinner. Cooking dinner for one adult after a long day of taking care of kids can seem pointless. Spare your friend from having one too many grilled cheese sandwiches and bowls of cereal for dinner and invite her over for a meal. Do it early enough in the evening to not interfere with kids’ bedtimes.

2.  Even better, bring dinner over to her house. Either drop it off, or stay for a quick bite. Either way your friend will thank you.

3.  Mow her lawn. The last thing a busy mom can find time to do is mow the lawn. And besides, when will she be able to do it without little kids underfoot? At naptime? Nope! Not unless she wants a grumpy toddler on her hands after he wakes up prematurely from all the noise. Don’t offer, just show up and do it (unless you aren’t sure when naptimes are then, for heaven’s sake, definitely ask!).

4.  Take her kids for an afternoon play date. Don’t invite mom along, just give her some time to herself. Whether she has some errands to do or just wants to do nothing, the gift of a few hours sans kids will be a welcome blessing.

5.  Call her if you’re headed to the store to see if she needs anything picked up. Often mid-week she'll have one or two things needed from the store (milk!) that hubs would normally be able to quickly pick up on his way home from work. But with him away, a quick 10-minute errand can take a good 45-minutes out of mom’s day. Spare her!

6.  Wash her car. Though not a necessity, having a clean car can help bring peace of mind, and yet it often makes its way to the bottom of the priority list. Grab your own kiddos (or hers) and wash her car for her. Either that or ask to swap cars for an hour and take hers somewhere to have it cleaned.

7.  Offer to babysit one evening, or arrange a trusted sitter for her. See if she’d like to have a night to go out with the girls while hubs is away without having to scramble to find a sitter.

8.  Bring over some snacks and a chick flick for a girls night in. After days and days of being the on-duty parent 24/7 she may not have the energy to go out, but would love a little company and wind-down time in the comfort of her own home.

9.  Call once or twice a week just to see how things are going and if there’s anything you can do. Chances are things are going okay and your friend may say there’s nothing she needs help with, but just giving her that opportunity speaks volumes about how much you care.

10.  Help her clean her house before hubs gets home. Offer to come over the day before he arrives and lend a hand wherever she needs it.

And a BONUS tip:

If her husband is away over a holiday, then go out of your way to make it special for her. Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, etc… but especially if it’s over her birthday or Mothers Day when she is meant to be queen for the day! Help ease the blow of missing her hubs by going the extra mile and sending her out with a gift card for a coffee and a new book or magazine to relax with while you stay home with her kids and clean her house! And then let her come home and play with her kids while you stay a bit longer and make them all a nice dinner (or order them take-out).

In saying all of this, your friend may be supermom and not need any help at all… but I doubt it. (Especially if she's used to having a partner around.) If that is the case she will be glad for your initiative and your availability even if she doesn’t take you up on any of your offers.

The most important rule of thumb is: INITIATE. Don’t wait for her to ask… ask her first! Make her feel valued and cared for and supported while she’s going at it alone.

Dear friends, have you had your partner away for any period of time more than a couple of days? What is something that would have been a blessing to you while you were solo parenting?

glad that my solo days are over for now,

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adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
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