clicking my way to be a better mom: the chronicles of a babywise mom (part 2 of 3)

I am, no doubt, an internet-loving mommy. As I said in clicking my way to be a better mom, part 1 (featuring the baby whisperer), I love and appreciate having the information of the world at my fingertips... especially when it comes to getting better equipped about parenting.

I wanted to continuing sharing with you my top three favorite internet resources. These are my most well-clicked and loved mommyhood resources. (If you missed Part 1 on how much I love the Baby Whisperer Message Boards, make sure to check it out too and then visit the BW message boards.)

Now, for my second favourite resource site: The Chronicles of a Babywise Mom.

This is a blog started by a mom who follows the Babywise methods of sleep training. She started her blog after scouring the web for resources to expound on some of the principles taught in the Babywise series of books… and not finding any. As a woman who’s had a lot of success implementing the Babywise strategies with her three children, she’s able to write endless “how to’s” (with the authority that comes from experience and success!) that the books could never have contained unless they were far, far too long.

Although I am not a Babywise “follower” myself, I’ve had lots of friends go the Babywise route (for sleep training their babies) and sing of its praises. The Chronicles of a Babywise Mom covers anything and everything you’d like to know about the Babywise method of sleep training… but also so much more: tantrums, reflux, high chair manners, teething, milestones, feeding issues, discipline, diapering, staying sane as a stay-at-home-mom, and the list goes on!

She has a huge list of labels down her side-bar that cover an incredible array of topics, and I have spent many an hour clicking through them even before I became a “blogger” myself. (And this is actually one thing I really love about her site – it’s a great resource for any mom, even those who aren’t into blogging.)

The Babywise Mom also has posts week-by-week about her children’s development and milestones so you can follow along and compare with your own little one’s progress. (And I’ve never seen someone record so meticulously… and yet still manage to not sound tedious!) I found these really interesting and helpful as a first-time-mom always wanting to know if what we were experiencing was “normal”. Especially during my first two months as a mom when I had questions about everything, it was nice reading from a real-live woman at times, rather than just organization websites like What to Expect (which of course is always great too).

The only drawbacks to her site are that it is a little weighed down with gismos along the side bars, which can slow page-loads down a bit, and she doesn’t have as many photos as I’d like (which is really just a personal preference). However, because her site is quite information-driven, I can look past these things since the content is more than worth it to me.

Oh, I should also mention, she does post back (directly on her blog) to her readers’ comments when they have questions in regards to specific problems they’re having with their kids. I understand the wait-time for a response is two weeks, which she’s clear and up-front about this (another thing I like). I’ve not had personal experience with soliciting tailored advice since I visit her site much more like I would a website (informational resource) rather than the way I approach blogs. But as I’ve read comments from other readers, and her responses back to them, I can tell that they are served tremendously by her help.

Overall the Babywise Mom writes good, practical information and always relates back to her readers, even those who aren't "Babywise parents" in philosophy. She does not push the Babywise sleep training methods for those that aren’t into CIO (although teaches well for those that do), and she offers outstanding advice for any mom on so many subjects. I’d highly recommend for you to have a browse around her site.

The "clicking my way to be a better mom" series:

If you missed part one of this series, you can read it here – clicking my way to be a better mom: the baby whisperer (part 1 of 3). My final post in this series (for now) will be – clicking my way to be a better mom: the kelly mom (part 3 of 3).

In closing…

I’m sure as my son gets older I will find other resources that are age-appropriate on things like discipline, creative play and learning activities, etc., but for now these are my top three visits on the world wide web for practical help in caring for my baby.

Dear mommy-friends, what are your favourite online resources that have helped you care for your little one(s)?

P.S. Until becoming a mom for myself I had no idea how controversial "sleep training" is! I know amazing parents who have polar opposite philosophies when it comes to things like scheduling, feeding on demand, cry-it-out, and so on. My intention is not to debate which is better than the other - I've seen these parents with hugely differing philosophies raise well-adjusted, happy, healthy kids and I'm of the firm belief that each family needs to decide what's best for them. I personally believe you should research a bunch of different philosophies and then piece together what fits with your values, personality, circumstances, etc. etc! As you will see through all three parts in this series, I think you can find incredible truth and practical help from an array of angles.

[Above photo: momma, daddy, and Levi at just a few hours old on our first night together... love. x]

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clicking my way to be a better mom: the baby whisperer (part 1 of 3)

I love and appreciate the internet. But since becoming a mom, I have grown to love and appreciate the internet so much more! Having the advice of the world at my fingertips makes it hard for me to imagine how our mothers did without it. I’ve looked up everything from how to take my baby’s temperature to the scientific reason for drool, from baby names to baby fashion, baby food recipes, methods to help my baby sleep, how to increase my milk supply… and everything in between.

I wanted to share with you my top three faves – and most well-clicked and loved – internet resources on mommyhood. 

Now, for my top resource site: The Baby Whisperer Message Boards.

I am a huge Baby Whisperer fan. If you haven’t read the books by Tracy Hogg, then I highly recommend you do so. She talks about communication with your baby, understanding their body language, how to establish healthy eating patterns and sleep patterns, teaching them to fall asleep on their own, and a myriad of other topics including how to care for yourself post-partum. Sadly, since authoring her books on babies and toddlers, Tracy has passed away, but her legacy lives on through the BW message boards.

These message boards are free to use and have literally thousands of posts from moms on everything related to caring for your baby: breast and bottle feeding, naptimes, how to deal with night wakings or early morning wakings, helping your baby learn to sleep without props, surviving growth spurts, age-appropriate developmental activities, and so many other things. The site is powered by a few volunteer moderators and thousands of moms – both veterans and rookies alike.

Moms can surf through the posts and see if others have already posted about their particular issues, or you can post any problem you’re trying to work through with your baby or toddler, and other moms will come and help you with their advice and what worked for them, offering suggestions for you to try. (Of course it’s all based off the techniques which Hogg taught in her Baby Whisperer books, which among other things advocates a form of sleep training minus the cry-it-out method.)

I have had some incredible “mommy mentors” that have helped me day-by-day to figure out and tweak my routine in order to help my little guy learn to sleep without any props (ie: paci, being rocked to sleep, etc.) and also to help him take longer naps. This was a huge help to me as Levi used to always take 30-minute naps and wake up cranky and still tired, yet awake enough to not be able to fall back asleep.

Levi’s sporadic sleep patterns were actually causing me a significant amount of stress during my first few months with him and I’d spend most of my brain power during the day (and often lying in bed awake at night) wondering how to problem-solve and “fix” things so he would get some sleep and be his happy little self. (Cause we all know an over-tired baby becomes a grumpy and demanding baby!)

I went ‘round and ‘round trying to figure it all out and found I just needed help. The experienced moms on the BW boards proved to be an invaluable resource and encouragement to me during some very rocky weeks trying to help my babe sleep well.

They helped me to look at every aspect of my patterns with him, suggested corrections where I needed them, affirmed me when things were working, cheered for me when I wanted to give up, and talked sense into me when we would take a few steps back and I’d blame myself.

At the end of the day these ladies have helped me learn to take care of my son better and successfully see him taking good, consistent naps during the day and sleep well during the nights… leaving him happy and full of life and energy, and leaving me much more sane! Let’s just say my whole family has benefited hugely from the Baby Whisperer. Check it out and join the Baby Whisperer community.

To be continued:

In order to keep this post more readable, I’ve broken it into three parts which will continue over the next few days. Parts two and three of the "clicking my way to be a better mom" series will be:

2) The Chronicles of a Babywise Mom

3) The Kelly Mom

In closing…

I’m sure as my son gets older I will find other resources that are age-appropriate on things like discipline, creative play and learning activities, etc., but for now these are my top three visits on the world wide web for practical help in caring for my baby.

Dear mommy-friends, what are your favourite online resources that have helped you care for your little one(s)?

P.S. Until becoming a mom for myself I had no idea how controversial "sleep training" is! I know amazing parents who have polar opposite philosophies when it comes to things like scheduling, feeding on demand, cry-it-out, and so on. My intention is not to debate which is better than the other - I've seen these parents with hugely differing philosophies raise well-adjusted, happy, healthy kids and I'm of the firm belief that each family needs to decide what's best for them. I personally believe you should research a bunch of different philosophies and then piece together what fits with your values, personality, circumstances, etc. etc! As you will see through my next two parts in this series, I think you can find incredible truth and practical help from an array of angles.

[Above photo: momma and one-day-old Levi still in the hospital... love. x]

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mommy for president

Nurse your baby to sleep! Never nurse your baby to sleep!

A paci will save your life! On your life, don’t you dare use a paci!

Cry it out! Don't traumatize your baby!

Wear your child to promote bonding! Don’t wear your child to promote independence!

Disposables! Cloth!

Breastmilk! Formula!

Back! Tummy!

Hyperscheduling! Demand feeding!

Family bed! Baby bed!

Okay... You get the point.

One of the first things I learned when I became pregnant with my first child is that there is an expert opinion on everything related to babies and parenthood… Not only does every parenting issue have a “right” and “wrong”, but there are plenty of experts to back these claims up!

And these don’t seem to be just preferences… these are outright carved in stone! We’re talking Right with a capital “R” and Wrong with a capital “W”. (Totally reminds me of American politics you’ve gotta pick a side folks!)

But yeah, for a first time mom it can be absolutely overwhelming. You read one book, and that’s it – you’re convinced. That is, until you read the other side which is equally convincing. It can be not only overwhelming, but frustrating and discouraging when you’re longing desperately to know what’s best for your child.

There’s an old proverb that says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him” (Pr 18:17). Hmmmm, sounds about right to me.

So I’ve realized that not only are there “expert” opinions on everything… but I’m also learning how to listen to both sides and filter them through my own intuition.

Because you know the absolute most important thing that I’ve quickly learned so far?

I’ve learned that I’m the only one that knows what’s best for my child. (Well, let’s include my dear husband in that category.) Ok, so make that: I’ve learned that my husband and I know what’s best for our child.

I confess, I’m still reading books on babies and parenting and all the rest of it. I’m still searching blogs and websites. I’m still chatting with my mommy-friends on facebook and by email and at my mum’s group. And yet now I’m doing it with a different perspective. I’m doing it as a mommy who knows that I know best.

So… there will be no picking sides for me; no fighting across the aisle. (Let’s leave politics out of parenting!) Every mom needs to find what works for her little one, for her, and for her family.

And that’s it! I’ve decided to form my own “party” in which I am the chief expert. Yes, in my parenting party, I am the President... President Mommy.

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hang on for the ride

Four-and-a-half months of babyhood. This has got to be the most fun age of infancy so far. But oh my goodness, what a time of contrasts. It’s also by far the toughest!

How can the highs be so high and the lows be so low? I remember a line out of the Steve Martin movie, Parenthood. It went something like this... Would you rather spend your life on a ferris wheel or a roller coaster? I always said I’d choose the roller coaster – though less predictable, it’s so much more fun! (I think it's been about 20 years since I saw the film... was it granny that said it??)

Well, my preference for roller coasters is certainly being put to the test right now. Let this serve as a reminder to myself to hang on for the ride!

The fun things we’ve experienced:

• The screams of delight when playing peek-a-boo.
• Being able to “toss” baby in the air a little.
• Baby “singing along” to his favorites.
• Toes in the mouth!
• Splashing in the bath.
• Discovering cause and effect.
• More cuddles than ever before – laying his head on my chest and snuggling in even when he’s not tired. (SO sweet!)
• Baby chatter in full effect! (Levi’s fave word at the moment is “bla, bla, bla, bla” and he almost always says it in fours. So cute!)
• The baby chub is well and truly developing… love the little leg rolls!
• Adorable longing looks at mommy and daddy as we drink out of cups and eat “big boy food”.
• Mommy and daddy are the funniest people alive – especially when we’re dancing and making faces.

The tough things we’ve experienced:

• EARLY TEETHING. (Really? Ahhh!)
• Busting out of the swaddle and nighttime disturbances.
• The 45-min short nap rears its ugly head... again.
• GROWTH SPURT.
• Fussier (due to teething? developmental spurt? growth spurt? all of the above?!)
• Clingier and wants to be held far more.
• Wants to be entertained more.
• Can we say SLEEP PROBLEMS?!
• Four month immunizations. Ouch.
• Oh yeah, and let’s not forget TEETHING. I already listed that? Ok, how about a third time: TEETHING.

As much as these last few weeks have thrilled me, they have also frustrated me like never before! Just when I thought I was getting the hang of this whole thing, the child goes and changes it up on me! Schedule? Nailed it... Until four months that is.

At least I know I’m not alone. Two of my favorite baby resource sites – www.babywhisperer.com and www.babywisemom.com are absolutely filled with questions from mommies trying to navigate through the 4-5 month period. And honestly, if this period wasn’t so much fun (the giggles! the play! the slobbery kisses!) I’d just want to fast-forward through it.

Thank God I have a great husband who has been there not only to back me up, but to contribute proactively in so many ways. And thank God that he’s patiently letting me debrief each day and talk through the latest baby-rearing problems without rolling his eyes and saying, “here we go again.”

Another thing that is helping me to navigate this phase is a great resource on baby development that I found: a book called The Wonder Weeks (by Hetty van de Rijt and Frans Plooij). In it the authors describe the "eight predictable, age-linked leaps in your baby's mental development characterized by crying, cranky, clingy, a change... and the development of new skills." These eight pivotal weeks in babies’ development during their first year come at weeks 5, 8, 12, 19, 26, 37, 46, and 55 and are described as “magical leaps forward” in babies’ development, that also come with fussiness in the weeks which surround them.

And... so far, they’ve been right on track for our household!

Levi will be 19 weeks on Friday, and I just keep reminding myself that the challenges we’re having now are leading to some great new developments in his little world. I just need to be patient and help him through it.

The Wonder Weeks describe the fussy period, which is generally during weeks 14.5 to 19.5, with week 17 being the especially stormy week... and then the big developmental jump that happens during the 19^th “wonder week.”

Here’s how the Wonder Weeks describe this period for baby:

• He may have trouble sleeping. Check.
• He may become shy with strangers. Not really.
• He may demand more attention. Check.
• He may always want to be with you. Check.
• He may be moody. Check.
• He may cry more often or be cranky. Check.
• He may want more physical contact. Check.
• He may lose his appetite. Don't think so... maybe sometimes?
• He may have pronounced mood swings. Check.
• He may want more physical contact during nursing. Check.

For us, that's eight out of ten!

And all of that makes for some hard parenting work! Oh yeah, and they also say that this fussy period lasts longer than most of the others, which is why mothers can often wonder what in the world is wrong with their babies or what’s gone wrong with their mothering. (*sigh*)

They also describe some common things that mommy may be feeling during this period:

• Mom may (still) be exhausted.
• Mom may feel trapped and confined by baby’s demands and feel as if baby is calling the shots, even when you’re trying hard to maintain parent-led care.
• Mom may feel resentful and wonder why baby won’t respond to your care and attention.
• Mom may begin to wonder what “spoiling” your baby means and if you can somehow teach your baby that mother has feelings too.
• Mom may have little surges of aggression when baby won’t stop screaming (which are normal, but of course must not be acted upon).

Check. Check. Check. Check. And check.

The encouraging part of all of this is... that millions (billions?) of mommies throughout history have survived these little stormy periods... and so can we—so can I. In fact, I bet if most of us were to ask our own mothers, they wouldn’t even remember our four-month fussiness and it’s all just faded into the background leaving them with only memories of our sweet chubby checks, soft little bottoms, and adorable baby chatter.

But in the midst of it, those days can feel like weeks and the weeks feel like months! Thank God that in his wisdom he gave us the fun elements of this age to help balance things out. (Because really, babies are just SO FUN at this age too.)

And, it does help to know that all of this precedes a wonder week!

The Wonder Weeks describe what happens around this particular developmental leap:

• Dramatic increase in babies’ brain waves and sudden increase in head circumferences.
• Rolling over from tummy to back and back to tummy.
• Raises himself as if to try and start crawling and slides around the floor.
• Easily sits up straight when leaning against you and attempts to sit up straight by himself by leaning on his arms (succeeds briefly).
• Enjoys moving his mouth – puckering, siticking his tongue out.
• Transfers objects from one hand to another, even without looking.
• Studies and touches your mouth when you speak.
• Pulls a cloth from his face by himself.
• Tries grabbing things out of his reach.
• Stares in fascination at repetitive activities (brushing hair, slicing bread, etc.)
• Searches for you and turns around to find you.
• Holds a book in his hands and stares at pictures.
• Responds to his own name.
• Genuinely understands a few words.
• Responds appropriately to scolding or approving voice/tone.
• Makes new sounds and strings “words” together.
• Stretches his arms out to be picked up.
• Smacks lips when hungry.
• Opens his mouth and moves his face toward food.
• Pushes (or turns) away when he’s finished eating.
• Gets grumpy when impatient.
• Screams in frustration if he fails to do what he’s trying.
• (And lots more, but this list is already long enough!)

Then, what we can do to help:

• Let him explore objects.
• Help him do things he’s attempting but not yet successful at (rolling over, sitting, etc).
• Mix up the playthings – not only toys but every day household objects.
• Give him time to examine things as long as he’s interested. Don’t rush to intervene.
• Position your baby to observe you doing different things around the house.
• Play games like peek-a-boo and read stories.
• Spend time in front of the mirror.
• Talk to your baby as often as possible.
• Use short, repetitive sentences.
• Find a variety of ways to incorporate music into your play.

The Wonder Weeks authors also exhort mommies to remember that as much as you think your baby is a handful, he probably thinks you are too. He doesn’t understand why you can’t understand him and finds this very frustrating! And... they say that if you can just hold on, around week 21 a period of relative calm usually emerges. (I can see the light!)

So, this is the latest and greatest in the world of baby development... phew.

As hard as these last two weeks have been in our household, they’ve also been so much fun! We’ve had big swings from lots of giggles and laughter and delight... to lots of crankiness, crying, and frustration. (And this goes for both baby and mommy!)

High highs and low lows.

But really, when you boil it all down... this little stormy period will be well worth it to see my sweet boy emerging with a whole new bag of tricks in the weeks to come. And, as the old expression goes – this too, shall pass. And—as difficult as it is—I don’t want to miss it!

My babe is growing FAST and I’m still trying to soak it all in – tears, giggles, and all.

Oh mommyhood, no one promised you would be easy... but you certainly are worth it. (*sigh*, again.)

P.S. It really is a wonder... Just this morning Levi sat up by himself and lasted nearly a minute before toppling over. (And then repeated this several times after being propped up again.) He certainly didn't do this trick yesterday. Last night must have been a BIG night in his little world!


[Material summarized from The Wonder Weeks by Hetty van de Rijt, Ph.D. and Frans Plooij, Ph.D. © 1992, 2010, Kiddy World Promotions B.V.]


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i got punk'd... by my sweet baby boy

Is it a little bit too ironic that my last post—written two days ago—was about communication with your baby… and then just today I’ve been in an all-out yelling match with my 16-week-old? (I didn’t even know children were capable of this at 16 weeks...)

Let me explain...

This morning I had meetings beginning at 8:00am at the non-profit my husband and I work for. And now that I’m (mostly) a stay-at-home-mom, I try to at least attend these weekly gatherings so that I can stay in the loop of things.

Although it may seem like no big deal, these meetings last most of the morning and cut into two of Levi’s naptimes. Now this is fine, I just have to think ahead, plan, and be creative. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about naptimes so far, it’s that when the first nap of the day goes south… it gets more and more complicated (read: difficult) as the day goes on. (Mommies, tell me you know what I'm talking about!)

This morning was no exception.

When it was time for Levi’s first nap, I quickly swaddled him, read him a short story, and laid him down in his stroller in our darkened office and went out to join in the meeting. All was good.

But after a few minutes I heard fussing on the baby monitor... and then the fussing quickly escalated into very loud crying. I went in to see what was wrong and found that my son had wiggled his way not only to the end of the stroller, but half-way out of the stroller. From his waist down he was practically hanging off the edge – ready to fall out completely!

Imagine my shock and horror as I realized that if I had arrived seconds later I would've found my baby on the floor, quite potentially injured, and most definitely screaming (with very good reason). Poor little guy! (And poor little momma was probably even more spooked than him!!)

I quickly scooped him up and settled him, but by then he was so worked up that naptime was significantly delayed, which in this baby’s world means he gets overtired… which then translates to one of his 30 minute cat-naps. (I can almost guarantee that when he is overtired, his naps only last 30 minutes – it’s like clockwork.) You’d think the more tired he gets, the longer the nap goes… but it doesn’t work this way with my little one! (And a 30-minute snooze is definitely not enough for him to make it through the morning as the happy chappy that he normally is.)

Eventually he calmed down and went to sleep.

I rejoined my meeting… but sure enough 30 minutes later Levi was awake and fussing (whereas he normally wakes happy when he’s had a full-length nap). Let’s just say the morning was already on a fast track toward disaster.

By the time we left our meetings (which I missed most of anyway), he not only had a terrible first nap, but we had eaten into his second nap time as well. He was actually quite placid as we were leaving, but I had seen this behavior before and I knew it was the calm before the storm... 'cause like his mommy, this little boy needs sleep or else he gets Grumpy. (Yes, with a capital 'G'.)

I was desperate to get him a good nap so we could “reset” the day before he had a total melt-down due to overtiredness. I had a fair few things to get done in the afternoon and needed a rested, happy baby on my hands, so I decided we’d take a little drive.

Now, I’ve heard lots of parents say that to put a baby in the car is a sure-fire way to get them to sleep for as long as it continues moving. I had not tested this theory out yet since Levi’s normally very easy to get to sleep. But today it sounded appealing… 

It was a gorgeous day, I had lots to think about, and it seemed that a long drive into the country would be perfect. Babe could sleep, I could think, and by the time we got home he would be “reset” for a normal afternoon and I could "get stuff done."

He did sleep… for a little while that is.

Before I knew it I had driven about 45 minutes and—just as I was turning around to head back to the city—my sweet sleeping babe awoke.

First, he stirred.

Then he made some sighs.

And then he started "talking."

(This is all completely normal for how he usually wakes up.)

But then in just a few short moments his talking escalated into his newest trick: yelling. (This is not “mad” yelling mind you, but happy, see-how-loud-you-can-make-your-voice-go-yelling. It's pretty funny actually.) The happy yelling was all fun and games until... He started crying/screaming/yelling for real. And when I say for real, I mean for real. (This kid can go from zero to sixty in three seconds flat!)

I found a place along the highway that I could safely pull over, went around to where his car seat was, and opened the door. (He was still screaming wildly at this point). As I reached for the buckle to take him out and settle him, the most miraculous thing happened: he stopped screaming—dead in his tracks—and laughed at me.

I mean he seriously laughed at me.

I would expect this sort of thing from a toddler… but a kid who’s not even four months yet?!

Hmmmm… is little man already learning how to push mommy’s buttons? Seriously???

When I realized he was fine and in complete control over settling himself, I got back in the drivers seat and continued toward home. We still had 35 minutes left in the car.

Not even a minute passed before little boy began with more screaming. I stopped yet again only to repeat the whole thing all over. (And just like before he immediately stopped screaming and flashed me that irresistible grin once more.)

A few minutes later we were back on the road, and, you guessed it: more screaming.

By this time I was well and truly onto him. It was obvious there was nothing wrong… But could my sweet, innocent little baby boy actually be testing me? Was this really a temper tantrum? (I like to believe the best but... where else can a mommy's mind go with this one?!)

“Two can play this game,” I thought to myself.

I rolled down my window hoping the noise and wind would catch him off guard and distract him from his dramatics. And it did… for a fleeting moment before he picked up the volume even more. (Please understand that this wasn’t a hungry cry, or a wet diaper cry, or a gas-in-the-tummy cry. This was some other cry that definitely resembled a temper-tantrum.... or something.)

After his latest volume increase I decided to turn on the radio. Levi loves music and that usually captures him enough to quiet down.

The next few minutes went a little something like this:

Music on = baby louder.

Music volume louder = baby volume louder.

Music volume waaaay louder with mommy singing at the top of her lungs = baby quiet…. Perfectly quiet.

The rest of the way home we alternated between Levi screaming and mommy singing as loud as I possibly could. As long as I was yelling—I mean singing—Levi was quiet. As soon as I stopped his wailing began.

I drove the rest of the way home with my windows down singing along to the radio as loud as I could muster. (And I had no idea the words to any of the songs that were on so most of my singing consisted of “la la las,” except for “Life is a Highway…”) Because it was no longer about calming him down; it was about winning.

Oh my. Did I really just admit that?

Yes, it was true. I wanted to win this one. (Oh, first-time-mommy... with soooo much to learn!)

"Game on!" I thought as I continued to sing at the top of my lungs. And this was not “pretty singing” or even “silly singing.” This was “yell-singing” at its absolute worst. I must have looked like a complete lunatic to anyone passing by.

Like I said… Oh my. (*sigh*)

Finally we pulled into our driveway. I was glad for this escapade to be over and right about then was wondering if Ryan [my husband] would be willing to switch jobs with me for the afternoon.

Because—yes—Levi piped up again the moment we arrived and I stopped yell-singing.

As Levi screamed his head off I turned off the ignition, got out of the car, opened the door to get him out, and it happened again: dead silence… followed by the biggest, most gorgeous grin you’ve ever seen. (I swear the cute little monkey even giggled at me... again.)

So much for a peaceful drive in the country with a sleeping babe and time for mommy to think! (Who’s idea was that anyway? Mine???!)

We got into the house and my little darling acted as if nothing strange had just gone on for the last 40 minutes. He was quiet and calm and still smiling at me… ready for some play time with mommy.

I’m quite sure he thought it all was a game. Either that or he has a remarkably short memory and had already forgotten about his untamed shenanigans and desperation to have my attention exclusively on him again. In any case, he was absolutely fine… not a care in the world.

I, on the other hand, thought certain it was a battle of the wills. (And where in the world did he get such a strong will I wondered? Uhhhh…. No comment.)

I shook my head in both mild frustration and amusement, and smiled at my son in absolute bewilderment…. I had just been duped by a 3 ½-month-old.

And really, can someone please tell me, is this normal? :)

oh baby, baby... what's that you say?

"This child has lungs!" I'm sure that every parent has had this thought about their wee little one... Perhaps while you stand in line at the supermarket? Or at 3:00am in the morning when you're staying with your in-laws?

They say that communication is key to good relationships, but when it comes to babies that's easier said than done!

Although our bub is not talking yet--as in saying words--he is definitely learning more and more about how to communicate. It's so fun watching him develop his collection of sounds and test out his range, pitch, and vocabulary... if you want to call it that. :)

But it's not only his--uh--verbal exploits that help us understand him, it's also his body language.

Since becoming a mommy, one of my absolute favorite parenting resources has become the Baby Whisperer series by Tracy Hogg. And although I'm not intending to write a complete book review here at the moment, I will say that as I've read her books and browsed the message boards on her website, I've learned soooo much about this whole area of communication with our baby.

One of the basic things she writes about is how important it is to take a step back and listen to our infants - not just how they cry, but what their faces are saying, their arms, their legs, their mouths, their eyes, and their body as a whole. Some of it is very intuitive, some of it is far less obvious, and all of it comes from years of observing thousands of babies. Her books are full of incredible tips about how to decipher your baby's language and--in knowing what they're saying--learn how to care for them better. 

Increasingly I'm learning what Levi is "saying" to me, and that gives me more and more confidence in my ability to meet his needs - something every mommy wants (especially us first-timers).

But communication is a two-way street.

Not only does Hogg give some great tips on how to listen to your baby and learn what he is saying, but she also talks about how to help your baby understand what you are saying. It all comes back to the process of learning two-way communication.

Nearly every mommy I know instinctively talks to their baby about what they're doing (we love those running commentaries, don't we?!). And who doesn't get a thrill out of making "oohs" and "ahhs" other noises back and forth with our precious little people? But as important as those things are, Hogg also points out another level of communication that may not seem as obvious -- namely, how routine can help to communicate to our wee ones what we're doing, what is coming, and what we expect of them.

It's easy to forget that these little ones want to understand us just as much as we want to understand them.

One of things that my husband and I have implemented since reading Hogg's books is to give Levi a wind-down routine before nap times and bedtime. We check his diaper, swaddle him (though he's busting out of his swaddle blankets more and more these days), draw the curtains, read him a story, and then put him in bed. We literally do that for every nap. (And our bedtime routine is similar.) Not only does this help him transition from play time to sleepy time (focusing on the pages and hearing one of us read in a soft, low voice definitely calms him), but it also "tells" him (and prepares him for) what's coming next.

By the end of this little routine he's prepared to be "left" in his crib and he knows that once his nap is over... mommy (or daddy) will alway come back. It's evident that he understands this because he doesn't cry when we put him down. Nine times out of ten he smiles, chats to himself for a couple of minutes, and then drifts off to la la land. (This wasn't always the case... but more about sleep training in another post!)

Although he can't tell us now, I'm convinced that this short, simple routine has helped him understand what's happening in his little world... which in turn helps him settle and know what role he has in it all. I believe it helps him feel at peace and secure.

It's helped me too. I'm learning how to respect the fact that my baby is a little person and that--even at this tender young age--he needs some level of understanding, as minimal as it may be.

As a parent, it's a given that I want my children to be grow up and learn how to be obedient to us. I want them to follow our instructions and trust our decisions for them. But I also want them to grow up feeling like mommy and daddy have taken the time to communicate with them - the why's, the how's, and the what for's (when it's relevant and age-appropriate of course). We want them to be raised in a family that communicates--not just instructs--and we believe that there's no such thing as starting too early with instilling and modeling these principles.

It comes down to valuing the individual and demonstrating love and respect toward people... yes, even little children. (*gasp*)

All that to say... we do a lot of talking to our baby and we do a lot of listening. We're trying to become parents who are experts at communication, not just with each other, but also with our children. We've got a lot to learn, and some days are harder than others when it comes to understanding what Levi is "saying", but it feels good to know that we're positioned to grow.

And.... having said all of that... of course we love to practice our "ooo-ing" and "ahh-ing" and gurggling with our son as well. That part of communicating is important too.... and so much fun!!

This is a "conversation" I had with our adorable Levi about three or four weeks ago on his three-month-birthday:



Here's to the joy and struggle in the process of learning how to communicate with our kids!