clicking my way to be a better mom: the baby whisperer (part 1 of 3)

I love and appreciate the internet. But since becoming a mom, I have grown to love and appreciate the internet so much more! Having the advice of the world at my fingertips makes it hard for me to imagine how our mothers did without it. I’ve looked up everything from how to take my baby’s temperature to the scientific reason for drool, from baby names to baby fashion, baby food recipes, methods to help my baby sleep, how to increase my milk supply… and everything in between.

I wanted to share with you my top three faves – and most well-clicked and loved – internet resources on mommyhood. 

Now, for my top resource site: The Baby Whisperer Message Boards.

I am a huge Baby Whisperer fan. If you haven’t read the books by Tracy Hogg, then I highly recommend you do so. She talks about communication with your baby, understanding their body language, how to establish healthy eating patterns and sleep patterns, teaching them to fall asleep on their own, and a myriad of other topics including how to care for yourself post-partum. Sadly, since authoring her books on babies and toddlers, Tracy has passed away, but her legacy lives on through the BW message boards.

These message boards are free to use and have literally thousands of posts from moms on everything related to caring for your baby: breast and bottle feeding, naptimes, how to deal with night wakings or early morning wakings, helping your baby learn to sleep without props, surviving growth spurts, age-appropriate developmental activities, and so many other things. The site is powered by a few volunteer moderators and thousands of moms – both veterans and rookies alike.

Moms can surf through the posts and see if others have already posted about their particular issues, or you can post any problem you’re trying to work through with your baby or toddler, and other moms will come and help you with their advice and what worked for them, offering suggestions for you to try. (Of course it’s all based off the techniques which Hogg taught in her Baby Whisperer books, which among other things advocates a form of sleep training minus the cry-it-out method.)

I have had some incredible “mommy mentors” that have helped me day-by-day to figure out and tweak my routine in order to help my little guy learn to sleep without any props (ie: paci, being rocked to sleep, etc.) and also to help him take longer naps. This was a huge help to me as Levi used to always take 30-minute naps and wake up cranky and still tired, yet awake enough to not be able to fall back asleep.

Levi’s sporadic sleep patterns were actually causing me a significant amount of stress during my first few months with him and I’d spend most of my brain power during the day (and often lying in bed awake at night) wondering how to problem-solve and “fix” things so he would get some sleep and be his happy little self. (Cause we all know an over-tired baby becomes a grumpy and demanding baby!)

I went ‘round and ‘round trying to figure it all out and found I just needed help. The experienced moms on the BW boards proved to be an invaluable resource and encouragement to me during some very rocky weeks trying to help my babe sleep well.

They helped me to look at every aspect of my patterns with him, suggested corrections where I needed them, affirmed me when things were working, cheered for me when I wanted to give up, and talked sense into me when we would take a few steps back and I’d blame myself.

At the end of the day these ladies have helped me learn to take care of my son better and successfully see him taking good, consistent naps during the day and sleep well during the nights… leaving him happy and full of life and energy, and leaving me much more sane! Let’s just say my whole family has benefited hugely from the Baby Whisperer. Check it out and join the Baby Whisperer community.

To be continued:

In order to keep this post more readable, I’ve broken it into three parts which will continue over the next few days. Parts two and three of the "clicking my way to be a better mom" series will be:

2) The Chronicles of a Babywise Mom

3) The Kelly Mom

In closing…

I’m sure as my son gets older I will find other resources that are age-appropriate on things like discipline, creative play and learning activities, etc., but for now these are my top three visits on the world wide web for practical help in caring for my baby.

Dear mommy-friends, what are your favourite online resources that have helped you care for your little one(s)?

P.S. Until becoming a mom for myself I had no idea how controversial "sleep training" is! I know amazing parents who have polar opposite philosophies when it comes to things like scheduling, feeding on demand, cry-it-out, and so on. My intention is not to debate which is better than the other - I've seen these parents with hugely differing philosophies raise well-adjusted, happy, healthy kids and I'm of the firm belief that each family needs to decide what's best for them. I personally believe you should research a bunch of different philosophies and then piece together what fits with your values, personality, circumstances, etc. etc! As you will see through my next two parts in this series, I think you can find incredible truth and practical help from an array of angles.

[Above photo: momma and one-day-old Levi still in the hospital... love. x]

Love us? Vote here!

oh baby, baby... what's that you say?

"This child has lungs!" I'm sure that every parent has had this thought about their wee little one... Perhaps while you stand in line at the supermarket? Or at 3:00am in the morning when you're staying with your in-laws?

They say that communication is key to good relationships, but when it comes to babies that's easier said than done!

Although our bub is not talking yet--as in saying words--he is definitely learning more and more about how to communicate. It's so fun watching him develop his collection of sounds and test out his range, pitch, and vocabulary... if you want to call it that. :)

But it's not only his--uh--verbal exploits that help us understand him, it's also his body language.

Since becoming a mommy, one of my absolute favorite parenting resources has become the Baby Whisperer series by Tracy Hogg. And although I'm not intending to write a complete book review here at the moment, I will say that as I've read her books and browsed the message boards on her website, I've learned soooo much about this whole area of communication with our baby.

One of the basic things she writes about is how important it is to take a step back and listen to our infants - not just how they cry, but what their faces are saying, their arms, their legs, their mouths, their eyes, and their body as a whole. Some of it is very intuitive, some of it is far less obvious, and all of it comes from years of observing thousands of babies. Her books are full of incredible tips about how to decipher your baby's language and--in knowing what they're saying--learn how to care for them better. 

Increasingly I'm learning what Levi is "saying" to me, and that gives me more and more confidence in my ability to meet his needs - something every mommy wants (especially us first-timers).

But communication is a two-way street.

Not only does Hogg give some great tips on how to listen to your baby and learn what he is saying, but she also talks about how to help your baby understand what you are saying. It all comes back to the process of learning two-way communication.

Nearly every mommy I know instinctively talks to their baby about what they're doing (we love those running commentaries, don't we?!). And who doesn't get a thrill out of making "oohs" and "ahhs" other noises back and forth with our precious little people? But as important as those things are, Hogg also points out another level of communication that may not seem as obvious -- namely, how routine can help to communicate to our wee ones what we're doing, what is coming, and what we expect of them.

It's easy to forget that these little ones want to understand us just as much as we want to understand them.

One of things that my husband and I have implemented since reading Hogg's books is to give Levi a wind-down routine before nap times and bedtime. We check his diaper, swaddle him (though he's busting out of his swaddle blankets more and more these days), draw the curtains, read him a story, and then put him in bed. We literally do that for every nap. (And our bedtime routine is similar.) Not only does this help him transition from play time to sleepy time (focusing on the pages and hearing one of us read in a soft, low voice definitely calms him), but it also "tells" him (and prepares him for) what's coming next.

By the end of this little routine he's prepared to be "left" in his crib and he knows that once his nap is over... mommy (or daddy) will alway come back. It's evident that he understands this because he doesn't cry when we put him down. Nine times out of ten he smiles, chats to himself for a couple of minutes, and then drifts off to la la land. (This wasn't always the case... but more about sleep training in another post!)

Although he can't tell us now, I'm convinced that this short, simple routine has helped him understand what's happening in his little world... which in turn helps him settle and know what role he has in it all. I believe it helps him feel at peace and secure.

It's helped me too. I'm learning how to respect the fact that my baby is a little person and that--even at this tender young age--he needs some level of understanding, as minimal as it may be.

As a parent, it's a given that I want my children to be grow up and learn how to be obedient to us. I want them to follow our instructions and trust our decisions for them. But I also want them to grow up feeling like mommy and daddy have taken the time to communicate with them - the why's, the how's, and the what for's (when it's relevant and age-appropriate of course). We want them to be raised in a family that communicates--not just instructs--and we believe that there's no such thing as starting too early with instilling and modeling these principles.

It comes down to valuing the individual and demonstrating love and respect toward people... yes, even little children. (*gasp*)

All that to say... we do a lot of talking to our baby and we do a lot of listening. We're trying to become parents who are experts at communication, not just with each other, but also with our children. We've got a lot to learn, and some days are harder than others when it comes to understanding what Levi is "saying", but it feels good to know that we're positioned to grow.

And.... having said all of that... of course we love to practice our "ooo-ing" and "ahh-ing" and gurggling with our son as well. That part of communicating is important too.... and so much fun!!

This is a "conversation" I had with our adorable Levi about three or four weeks ago on his three-month-birthday:



Here's to the joy and struggle in the process of learning how to communicate with our kids!