who's growth spurt is it anyway?

Growth. Spurt.

No thank you.
                    
And… yes please.

Any mom who’s successfully navigated one of their little one’s growth spurts knows how dreaded these beasts are: the fussiness, the constant feeding (including the wild protests when—gasp—there’s no milk left in there!), the all-over-the-place nap times, the crib parties at 8pm, 10pm, midnight, 2am, 4am… you get the picture.

{No thank you.}

And yet these same growth spurts are exactly what we want to see: our little one growing strong and healthy, gaining weight, acquiring balance, learning new tricks.

{Yes please.}

Levi recently finished another growth spurt. Whoever said they come at four weeks, eight weeks, four months, and six months certainly forgot to inform my son. In this house it feels like as soon as we’re out of one, another one begins. (Does anyone else seem to have these things monthly??) And I’ve also read that they usually last about two days. Again… make that four to six days in this happy little home.

Growth spurts have caused me to do a whole range of things from questioning my supply to acquiring rug burns on my knees as I ask God for mercy. I’ve pumped like crazy, and gone days on end with what any sane person would call “catnaps” through the nights. I’ve cried. I’ve laughed. I’ve gotten angry. I’ve gotten silly tired. I’ve been confused. And I’ve asked my husband a thousand times, “this is normal, right?”

This last growth spurt was a doozy. It came at about five months and one week… and stayed for daaaaays. We had almost an entire week of being up six or seven times a night… on a good night. I was frazzled and seriously ready to hire a nanny and go back to “work” (which, in fact, was sounding more and more like a holiday). There were lots of tears... from both of us.

And then I realized the real reason the growth spurt was so painful: Levi wasn’t the only one growing.

Yes, my son was stacking on the pounds – I’m sure of it. He was eating more and growing like crazy right before my eyes. He was forcing me to—yet again—swap over his clothes, putting some away for good and pulling out bigger sizes. {tear} He was indeed having a growth spurt.

But the real reason it felt so painful was much more personal: I, too, was having a growth spurt.

Through the constant feeding, the sleep deprivation, the questions reeling around my first-time-mommy brain… I had to (again) make the choice to be second in line. I had to (again) set aside my preferences and to give up my personal rights. {Free time? What’s that?! Sleep? Huh?! Energy? Where'd it go?!} I had to put someone else’s needs ahead of my own.

Of course I like to think I’ve done this before… and really, I have. But any parent will tell you that doing it in your role as mommy (or daddy) will take you to a much deeper level of sacrifice than you’ve ever known before. I never understood—never could understand—it on this level until now.

{So this is what it means to “grow up”?}

I don’t know how many times in that week that I moaned and complained (even if it was sometimes just under my breath). I’m not sure how many times I felt sorry for myself and wanted to swap places with my husband or my working-mom friends. I don’t know how many times I fantasized about a weekend away—completely alone—with just a stack of books and a huge bed with lots of blankets and pillows… and room service.

And I don’t know how many times the thought crossed my mind that I really am selfish.

Selfish. Ugh, such an ugly word… such an ugly attitude.

Yes, baby growth spurts are hard (and yeah, they definitely get cranky… making momma cranky), but in the grand scheme of things they are just a few tough days packed in between a whole lot of good ones.

But my growth spurt… I was being stretched! I was—I am—growing, changing, learning even more how to be selfless, flexible, adaptable, giving. I don’t think I was a horrible person before becoming a mother, and yet in doing so I have seen that I also had a lot of character flaws still to be worked out in my life. {God help me!}

I’m being refined as a woman like never before. I’m stepping up to the plate when I’d rather just sit the round out. I’m facing my fears and insecurities and anxieties (that I didn’t even realize I had) with a new resolve and boldness.

I'm still making mistakes, still having hard days... but more and more I'm also finding peace in the chaos.

I’m growing up.

So, as Levi eats more to sustain his growth and take him to the next level, so do I. It’s just that my “eating” looks a little different. My “food” is prayer, breathing deeply, talking the challenges through, making time to think and reflect, taking things in stride, being deliberate about “rolling with it”, choosing humility and sacrifice, and choosing to become a better woman.

We are both growing.

Painful? Absolutely. {Ugh, no thank you.}

Productive and healthy and necessary and good? Most definitely. {Yes... yes please.}

Dear mommy friends, what are your biggest challenges as you're being stretched to become a "bigger" woman? In what ways do you feel motherhood has caused you to "grow up"?

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