mothers day for those who have lost or are longing

For me, Mothers Day is sweet. But for many, I know it is bittersweet.

For mamas who have lost a child – born or unborn…

For women who have yearned for a child and have been unable to conceive…

For single women who long to be married and start a family yet remain waiting…

For those wanting to adopt who haven’t yet been able to see that dream become reality…

For those who needed to let someone else care for their child and had to say goodbye...

For single moms of young kids who are too young to know how to appreciate mommy as she deserves…

For moms serving in the military who are deployed and far away from their babies…

For moms of teenagers who have pushed away from them...

{And}

For those who never knew their mother…

For those who have had a mother walk out on them...

For those who had a mother who was there but not there...

For those who have lost a mother…

For those who have lost a grandmother…

For those who have lost a mother-figure...

To you, I want to say Happy Mothers Day as well.

May you be comforted in your loss or in your longing. May your eyes be opened to those you have “mothered” through your love and care and nurturing, whether you have children of your own or not. And may you be filled with sweet memories of the special women in your own life who are as mothers to you, even if your own is gone.

Mothers Day is not just a day for moms; it’s a day for women.

Mothers and mother figures everywhere are deserving of our honor. You are appreciated... and I sincerely hope there's someone in your life to help you know it.

I want your Mothers Day to be sweet as well. Because you make our future, and our children's future, better.

Little hands applaud you.

Dear friends, have you ever thought about mamas and women who are hurting on Mothers Day? Newsflash: not all are getting pampered with breakfast in bed and a day of no chores. How can you reach out to one today?

in support of women everywhere,

Bloggers for Birth Kits update: 210 kits donated, 34 posts spreading the word, more than 192 links on facebook (I lost track after that!), and tons of #B4BirthKits tweets. Yay! (I can't wait for our accounts office to open back up on Monday so we can get a new count!) Thank you for lending your heart and voice and resources to this important cause for mums & bubs in developing nations.

GIVEAWAY OPEN NOW: Enter to win The Pregnancy Companion - a wonderful book for expecting moms, whether you are one yourself or know someone that would appreciate this encouraging and practical gift! Entry is quick and simple. Click here.

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

losing a baby

I’ve read that one in four women have experienced a miscarriage. I’ve also read that 75% of women have had what’s called a “chemical pregnancy” – one that’s over almost before it starts. (Most women simply assume they had a late period.)

Recently this really hit home.

my teeny tiny nine week bump. let's be honest... it's definitely more bloating than baby. 

Within the last couple of months I’ve had two good friends experience a miscarriage and a stillbirth. One was seven weeks along, the other was twenty-one weeks along… far enough to feel the baby kicking and have the gender identified.

Both of these losses hit me hard.

I’ve not experienced a miscarriage for myself, and I pray to God I never will, but since having a child of my own I feel like I can begin to imagine (in a greater, more accurate way) the trauma and loss that losing a baby leaves you with.

With my first pregnancy (Levi) I remember being so fearful every time I went to the bathroom for the first few days… always hoping and praying that there would be no blood, no sign of life cut short. For me, the one thing that helped me to overcome that fear was my faith and belief in God.

One day—convinced that being fearful wasn’t doing my unborn baby or me any good—I prayed to God and told him that I would entrust my little baby’s life to his care. Even though my husband and I prayed a similar prayer when we first got those two positive stripes, I needed to go back to God alone and dig further within my own heart to find an even deeper sincerity. I asked for help so that I could cease being fearful, and I “handed over” my pregnancy and that precious little vulnerable life to God.

That day a burden lifted and I didn’t struggle with fear surrounding the pregnancy again.

My second pregnancy has been harder. Though not typically a fearful person, I’ve again struggled with a fear of losing this new baby. I think there are a few reasons for it – the first being that I’ve just stood by two dear friends as they’ve endured the heartache of losing unborn babies, both situations being incredibly painful.

I think another reason is that the loss of my second friend’s baby was so unexpected. She had well and truly entered what most would consider the “safe zone”. She was feeling him kick every day. She had her growing, beautiful second trimester belly. And—after her 21-week-old baby was delivered stillborn—she and her husband were able to hold that tiny, perfectly formed body while they named him and then let him go.

And finally—perhaps the most confronting reason—is now that I have a child of my own, I have such an increased awareness of what I have to lose. The cost of loss seems so much more real, and so far beyond anything I ever want endure paying.

The stakes are incredibly high.

I have no doubt that losing a baby would be traumatic and heartbreaking and absolutely awful for any mother, and I would never want to belittle anyone’s experience. But for a mother who’s already had the experience of knowing how much life changes, how much your heart expands, how much love is at stake… well that’s an awareness that must bring things to a whole new level.

I realize that every woman deals with this kind of loss differently, and by no means am I an expert or would I put myself forward with any depth of personal revelation other than that which any mother shares – the weight of knowing how much love for a child one’s heart can hold and the reality of life moving to another dimension after children have invaded your world.

In saying all that, this pregnancy has been much harder for me mentally and emotionally so far.

Instead of holding my breath for the first several days like with my first pregnancy, I was holding my breath for the first several weeks… praying, hoping, hanging on, treading lightly with more fear than the first and more dread each time I visited the ladies room. There was a very real battle raging in my head between what I knew to be true and yet the possibility of what “could be”.

I still have my faith in God. I still trust Him with this little life. And that has helped me immensely… In fact, it’s been my lifeline. But this time around it’s been a bigger effort for me to trust, relax, and believe that it’s all going to be okay.

Thankfully, I’m now at the place where I’m resting with my heart and mind at peace, knowing that my little one is in good hands. S/he’s healthy, growing, developing just as s/he should.

And with the awareness that life will always be bigger than us and that there will always be circumstances beyond our control, I’m trying to be even more deliberate to be thankful for every single day that this precious baby is ours.

Dear friends, this is such a sensitive topic, and I hesitated for weeks writing about it since I’ve not experienced losing a baby for myself. But since it is something every pregnant woman is faced with to one degree or another, I decided to write about some of my process. Did you struggle with fear during pregnancy? And if you feel up to “going there” may I ask about how the reality of losing a baby has effected you, your pregnancies, or your outlook on life?

grateful to be overcoming fear one day at a time,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011 
do not reproduce without written permission