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the mommyhood memos: i gots me some mama badges

Friday, July 23, 2010

i gots me some mama badges

Today I was reading of Melissa’s adventures in NYC on Dear Baby and how she has earned a new “badge for her sash” by changing her precious little pumpkin on her lap in a restaurant bathroom. It got me thinking about what badges I’ve earned in the last six months…

1.         The I-Can-Make-Dinner-While-Breast-Feeding Badge. It had been one of those days… and I was behind on absolutely everything, including making dinner for the friends that were about to come around. But when I pulled out “my breast friend” and a kitchen barstool, I found out that I do have the mommy-multi-tasking talent that I always dreamed of. {And I did it without burning down the house.}

2.           The I-Can-Go-To-The-Bathroom-With-An-Infant-Strapped-To-My-Chest Badge. When my son was seven weeks old I traveled from Australia to America without my husband to show Levi off to my family. (Hubs had to work.) I did my best to limit my fluids in transit and time my bathroom breaks just right, but when it takes you four flights to get from point A to point B over a 20+ hour period, there are some things you just can’t control. Rather than pass my little babe to a stranger—or pee my pants for that matter—I strapped him up on my chest in the Moby Wrap and did what I needed to do. {Also worth mentioning here is the I-Can-Manage-Shuttle-Busses-And-Check-In-And-Security-With-A-Diaper-Bag-Stroller-And-Large-Suitcase-By-Myself-Without-Waking-My-Baby Badge. I proudly earned that one too.}

3.           The I-Can-Live-Off-Of-Three-Hours-Of-Sleep Badge. Every mommy knows about this badge… but that doesn’t make it any easier to earn. I count myself among the proud who is still awake after a long time of being… awake.

4.           The I-Can-Drive-My-Manual-Car-With-One-Hand-While-Holding-A-Paci-In-My-Screaming-Baby’s-Mouth-With-The-Other-Hand Badge. Do you have this one? I bet you do. I’m told this one is a precursor to earning the I-Can-Drive-With-One-Hand-While-Breaking-Up-A-Fight-In-The-Backseat Badge. {We’re not there yet.}

5.           The I-Can-Interpret-Different-Colors-And-Textures-And-Consistencies-Of-Poo Badge. Black? Green? Yellow? Brown? Thin? Thick? I know what they mean and I’m a better mom for it. In fact, I would say that I am a poo expert.

6.           The-I-Can-Pull-A-Song-Out-Of-Nowhere-About-Anything-At-Any-Time Badge. Songs for bath time? Songs for diaper changes? Songs for owies? Songs for washing the dishes? Songs for sleepy time? I know ‘em all… because as of six months I became a very specialized songwriter.

7.           The I-Can-Beat-My-Baby-At-A-Wrestling-Match-I-Mean-Nail-Clipping-Session Badge. This one took some time to perfect, but I’ve found the perfect pin position now. {It should be noted here that this is the only time Levi gets bribed with the “secret weapon” aka the television. Works like a charm.}

8.           The I’ve-Learned-How-To-Pack-Way-More-In-The-Car-For-A-Family-Vacation-Than-I-Ever-Thought-Possible-Or-Necessary Badge. Weekend camping trip. Need I say more?

9.           The I-Pick-Other-Peoples-Noses-So-What Badge. This badge comes with immense satisfaction… because a crusty nose on a clean baby just doesn’t sit right with me.

10.      The Do-Ya-Wanna-See-My-Boobs-Cause-I-Just-Don’t-Care-Who-Does-Anymore Badge. Truth be told, my boobs just don’t feel much different than my fabulous ankles these days. I do try to keep the girls covered though… but that’s for your sake, not mine.

Dear Mommy-Friends, I think I've actually earned a few more... but I'm gonna cut it off at ten. What mama badges have you earned that you're most proud of?



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31 Comments:

At July 23, 2010 at 12:14 AM , Blogger Hannah said...

LOL, I have a few of those myself! It is amazing how well we can multi-task as mommies!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 12:48 AM , Blogger Jhen.Stark said...

AHAHAH! These made me laugh!!! Although I can't say I can make dinner and breast feed, but I can definitely hold baby while making a bottle of formula from scratch... quite the accomplishment on my part ;0)

Way to go Adriel!!! You earned those badges well!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 12:53 AM , Blogger Asashia said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At July 23, 2010 at 12:54 AM , Blogger Asashia said...

How about the I-Can-Hold-You-at 25 pounds-and-push-the-stroller-and-carry-the-bags-badge?

 
At July 23, 2010 at 1:54 AM , Anonymous Laura Donaldson said...

the I can differentiate between "duddy" (doggie)"ducky"(cookie)and "dahi" (daddy)and several other toddler words that sound exactly the same

the "I proudly dance like an idiot with my children in public

and the "I can keep a straight face while saying the most ridiculous things"

and the ever important "I try to give other moms the benefit of the doubt when I see them doing something crazy"

 
At July 23, 2010 at 2:13 AM , Blogger It's a beautiful life! said...

i can totally relate to these!! except making dinner while breasfeeding?? you are amazing. i'm impressed!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 2:22 AM , Blogger lostinbend08 said...

I shudder to think that I actually have the I-nursed-my-baby-while-driving-on-a-California-freeway badge!! Of course, this was 33 years ago ... and I'm surprised how many of my friends with kids in the pre-carseat era have the same badge. Wow! I thought I stood alone!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 2:24 AM , Blogger JIll said...

How about I can breast feed my newborn while chasing my three year old across the playground badge

 
At July 23, 2010 at 2:48 AM , Blogger Chelsea Pearl said...

I-can-dance-like-a-fool-in-public-just-to-see-my screaming-baby-smile-badge.

Looks like you have some pretty sweet badges! :)

 
At July 23, 2010 at 3:17 AM , Anonymous Amy said...

A fantastic list of badges! I did not breast feed so I have far fewer badges.

Great job - it was fun to read and easy to get your points :)

 
At July 23, 2010 at 3:22 AM , Blogger Angel Armogida said...

Yes, I definitely have some of those badges! Great post!

Angel x
High Heels & Lipgloss

 
At July 23, 2010 at 5:29 AM , Blogger Livy said...

I think you deserve more than a badge for the first one. I am seriously impressed. I can barely hold Laney while I am feeding her sitting in a chair, she is so wiggly.

 
At July 23, 2010 at 6:01 AM , Blogger Cameron said...

Oh wow I don't have any to add except the "I can get baby up from nap, change diaper, pack diaper bag & be out the door within 5 minutes." That one took me a couple tries to get right. haha

I totally agree about the picking noses & using tv to get them to be still while clipping fingernails! Works like a charm!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 6:33 AM , Anonymous Melissa {adventuroo} said...

OMG this is hilarious! Love your blog already (new here from the SITS #31dbbb).

Let's see, I haven't done #1 but I HAVE earned the: breastfeed-while-sitting-at-table-working-at-my-job badge. I telecommute and have the baby with me some of the time so I must multitask!

#2 just cracks me up. I've done that as well at Target before... quite the maneuver!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 8:26 AM , Blogger The Planet Pink said...

Yep, I think I've done them all! I've actually gone to the bathroom WHILE nursing before. Sometimes when ya gotta go, ya gotta go. Does that get me a double badge??

 
At July 23, 2010 at 9:01 AM , Blogger HRH Mommy said...

Oh wonderful!!! This makes me laugh. My brain is fried at the moment, or I would think of a few that are (I'm sure) lingering somewhere in my memory. Will share when they re-appear in my frontal lobe.

 
At July 23, 2010 at 9:38 AM , Blogger Getrealmommy said...

great post. I proudly have earned the "I-can-pretend-that-I-don't-hear-your brother-having-a-massive-temper-tantrum-and-read-you-a-story-with-a-cheerful-smile-plastered-on-my-face" badge! Hurray for me!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 11:45 AM , Blogger Tori said...

CUTE post! I can totally relate to some of yours. And I'd like to add the "i-can-get-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-to-feed-you-and-be-so-zoned-out-i-barely-remember-it" badge

 
At July 23, 2010 at 12:11 PM , Blogger Anna said...

I earned the I-can-travel-alone-with-two-kids-while-being-8.5-months-pregnant badge.

 
At July 23, 2010 at 1:00 PM , Blogger Amy Sullivan said...

Number 10 cracked me up! Did you ever think you would get to that point? I certainly didn't!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 4:38 PM , Blogger Amy said...

I found you on Theta Mom! I have to say, I've been browsing around here and I really enjoy your posts. I've earned many badges, but I never did master many tasks while breastfeeding! Impressive!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 10:49 PM , Blogger adriel, from the mommyhood memos said...

oh my gosh! these are crazy and hilarious! i just read them all out loud to my husband.

YOU ARE MY HEROES!

 
At July 23, 2010 at 11:45 PM , Anonymous double jogging stroller said...

Haha... this is a badge to be proud of:

5. The I-Can-Interpret-Different-Colors-And-Textures-And-Consistencies-Of-Poo Badge. Black? Green? Yellow? Brown? Thin? Thick? I know what they mean and I’m a better mom for it. In fact, I would say that I am a poo expert.

Being a poo expert comes with the territory.

 
At July 23, 2010 at 11:57 PM , Blogger Liz said...

The changing diaper in your lap one reminded me of earning a poopy diaper change on an airplane once! :)

And surviving peeing in a public restroom with a toddler in your arms is probably what I'm most proud of.

Well, until the time I had to cut Kate out of her clothes - literally - because she had puke and diarrhea covering her from head to toe.

 
At July 24, 2010 at 3:45 PM , Blogger A Little R&R said...

I am so loving all of these - and relate to most of them. :) Especially the last one.

 
At July 24, 2010 at 4:09 PM , Blogger Vallimasoos said...

I just recently earned the "I CAN NURSE MY BABY IN THE CAR BY LEANING OVER HER CAR SEAT AND PLOPPING MY BOOB IN HER MOUTH...WHILE WAVING AT PASSING CARS" BADGE!

Luckily...hubby was driving!

Following from NFF!

 
At July 24, 2010 at 6:11 PM , Blogger Emily @ Finding My Aloha said...

This is hilarious...only because its so true! I hear ya on the travelling bit...my son is 19 months old and he has been to 15 states and 2 countries with many return visits as well. Whew!

Love your blog! Im a follower! Thanks for visiting my blog earlier and leaving me a note! Who'da thought a few years ago I would be diapering wine? Essh!

 
At July 25, 2010 at 1:22 AM , OpenID Alana Morales, Author Domestically Challenged said...

Oh, man, so funny! My favorite is #4, which by the way, is completely true!

Take care!

 
At July 26, 2010 at 12:57 PM , Blogger xoxo said...

LOL - this was a fantastic read. I never thought of them as badges before...but yet, I have most of those. fun fun!

 
At July 27, 2010 at 7:01 AM , Blogger Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) said...

This list is so funny, and so true! Glad I found it thanks to Nirvana Mamma! Isn't it funny the things we do w/ our babies? Bring on those badges:) The holding the paci in baby's mouth while driving...all of them actually are spot on!

 
At July 29, 2010 at 3:48 PM , Blogger Amy said...

This is so great! My "baby" is 4 now. I need to think about the preschooler badges I have earned...

 

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