the countdown is on

Within the last few days golf balls have relocated to my throat and a low-grade fever keeps creeping in and out of my weary body. Suitcases sprawl across the guest room bed and floor waiting to be packed. The sink is full of dishes. Twenty emails need to be written. Fifty-seven loads of laundry need to be washed, hung, folded, and put away. The house needs a good once-over... toothbrush-style. My hard drive is in desperate need of a back-up. My neck and back aches and my head throbs. Twelve thank you notes are waiting to be sent. The fridge needs to be cleared out. And on. And on. And on.

And it all needs to be resolved in the next two days.

Why?

Because I am going on a much needed, much anticipated holiday with my family.

BRING IT.

No doubt we will get on that plane. It's Sydney or bust and then onwards to the Home of the Brave.

Things might be "ready". Or not.

I might be "well". Or not.

Life might be completely in "order". Or not.

But come rain or shine we will board that plane on Saturday morning without looking back.

We will load up our gear and stuff the overhead compartments full... and then collapse into those tiny little seats and let out big, relieved sighes as we look at each other and smile the smiles of those that are on...

vacation.

Oh dear God, thank you for a chance to rest. Soon.

But for now, I need to get back to my fifty-seven loads of laundry.

And just because my boy is cute (and I know you love him), I'll leave you with these:

 

Apparently I know how to spell the word "month" after all.

Dear friends, it's Thursday here. My countdown is ON. What are you counting down for these days?

10, 9, 8, 7...

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

quality time or quantity time - which is more important?

Some people say that it’s not about how much time you spend with your kids, it’s about the quality of time you spend with them.

I say that’s rubbish.

Kids need time with their parents. They need to know that their parents are present in their lives. They need to know their parents are available. They need to know that their parents are approachable, interruptible, and not too busy giving everything else priority.

They need parents around to teach them by example – to model good behavior, display character, and impart family values. You can’t do this in short bursts or just through verbal teaching and instruction. It has to be lived-out in the day-to-day aspects of life for them to see and absorb and follow your lead.

Anyone who says that you can cram all of those things into “quality time” alone has obviously not spent much time with kids.

Kids with absent parents often grow up feeling insecure, inadequate, or like they need to work really hard to gain approval or success (which will, in turn, gain them some attention). Although I’m no psychologist or parenting expert, I’ve personally seen this pattern many times with adult friends who have had to overcome these hurdles… many of which—upon reflecting on their childhoods—would say that having absent parents (one or both) contributed to their insecurities as adults.

So… kids need quantity time. They need parents who are around.

But kids also need quality time. Just being with them (in quantity) is not enough either.

I can be a stay-at-home mom (or a work-from-home mom) and be around Levi all the time, and yet still not give him the quality time that he needs.

If I’m not careful I can run around all day with him on one hip getting chores done or doing loads of laundry, and then move him from one activity area to another while I sit “with” him (but actually absent) and bang out emails or do my online banking. I could spend hours being with him but not with him.

Kids need more than us just being with them physically. They need us to be present with them intentionally – both mentally and emotionally (quality time).

Again, kids with absent parents often grow up feeling insecure, inadequate, or like they need to work really hard to gain approval or success (which will, in turn, gain them some attention).

But you can be absent even if you are there. So this goes both ways – when parents are just not around… or when they are around but are not present.

Some of us find quantity time easier to achieve but lack in quality time. And others of us find quality time easier to achieve but lack in quantity time. Both are necessary to raise well-adjusted kids who will move into the future knowing they are not only loved, but valued as individuals and as people.

No matter if parents are working outside of the home or not, children need both quality and quantity time in order to see that they are important to us and that they matter. It’s our responsibility to see how we can be creative and make that happen, even with our varying work schedules and commitments. (And it is possible. My husband works full time outside of the home and yet still gives incredible quantity time to our son - he's ordered his life to be able to do so.)

It’s a challenge, but—in my opinion—it’s a responsibility that we took on as soon as we said “yes” to becoming parents. It’s up to us to work out the details and find ways to give of ourselves – both in quantity and quality time. The outworking of that may look different from day to day or month to month, but in the grand scheme of things gaps—in either quality or quantity—will lead to regrets.

And those are regrets that I’m trying my best to avoid.

Dear friends, what are you doing to try and ensure that you give your kids both quality and quantity time to the best of your ability? I've voiced some strong opinion on this post. Do you agree? Disagree? Why??

trying to prioritize well,

I decided to jump back on the bandwagon. 
Would you care to vote for the Memos?



 Have you registered your blog here yet?

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

so you think i'm nuts?

A few of you have been asking... Where am I? Is everything ok? 


The answers to those questions are... Here! and Yes!


Life. Has. Been. Busy.


I have no idea how to explain the word "busy" in a way that would make sense to anyone... but it looks something like...


Both hubs and I were working full-time this last week... No, make that over-time... Sick baby for six days (and counting) needing mama's attention/affection every spare moment... Late nights preparing my teaching material after baby is in bed... Cleaning the house top-to-bottom (picture holding a miserable little Levi with one hand while scrubbing the toilet with another - true story) for incoming international house guests... Receiving international house guests... Welcoming 50ish people home from our latest medical outreach to Papua New Guinea on the YWAM Medical Ship... Sending off another two teams of young people to do outreach in Australia and Papua New Guinea... Hosting about 120 delegates to conferences being run by the non-profit we volunteer/work for... Receiving over 50 new students into our training schools... Oh yeah, and did I mention sick husband... And baby tooth number four - that same little culprit that first poked through at four months creating such havoc before disappearing again and now (five months later) has finally moved in for the next several years... And doctors visits... And groceries... And five million loads of laundry...


So yeah, when I say "busy" it looks a little something like that.


And I guess you can add that at the end of this week when my (lovely!) overseas guests depart, I have a few hours to wash the sheets and clean and get the guest room ready for another guest that comes for the following week.


Oh, and then there's the preparing for our trip to America that is {gasp} less than a month away. And getting our immigration paperwork sorted. And booking our hotel and car for our layovers. And lining up when to see what friends and where. And scheduling visits to the dentist. And organizing our Christmas party, which will double as an anniversary party to celebrate our 10 years volunteering/working with YWAM. And finding our stockings so we can take them with us. And...


Maybe I should have just stopped after writing, "preparing for our trip to America" so that I wouldn't be breaking into a cold sweat right about now. {ahem}


Oh yeah, and somewhere in there I'm going to try and celebrate my 33rd birthday. (I really want to have a lawn bowling and mustache party... we'll see if we can pull it off.)


That's all I have for you today. My head is FULL of things that I want to write about... and my hard drive is FULL of half-written posts that only need some attention and editing... But right now it's all I can do to sit and write out my madness.


So welcome. To my madness. Welcome to my madness.


Life is crazy. My family is nuts. 


But we are happy.


We love all the excitement and the challenge and the things going on around us.


BUZZ.


So... I am here.... I am great... Just busy. That's all. Just busy.


Thanks for asking. 


I'm scheduling some writing time in the next few days so I'll be back... I know, I know... you wait on the edge of your seat. {grin} I'll try to deliver. I'll try not to disappoint.


I'll write about motherhood and babies and all the stuff you've come to expect... and maybe a few things you wouldn't expect. {more grinning}


Dear friends, do you think I'm nuts? Are you nuts? Is life more fun when it's nuts?? I know I'm not alone here... What does your "busy" look like?? Is it as nutty as mine?


love with a side of nuts,

I decided to jump back on the bandwagon. 
Would you care to vote for the Memos?



 Have you registered your blog here yet?

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

hey honey, why don't you stay home with the baby while i go back to work?

By Louise, author of Mommycrat

{This is part of the Moms Who Work series.}

Whether to work or not as a mom is a big decision.  But, when I looked forward to how I saw myself in motherhood, I always saw myself having a career.  Towards that end (and being the planner that I am) I spent some of my 20s getting myself into one that would suit motherhood.  My choice was the Canadian federal public service, which has good parental leave benefits, generously topping up Canada’s Employment Insurance, which provides some benefits for parents to stay home up to a year following the birth of their child. 

My husband is also a public servant, so we decided to split our year, given our jobs allowed it.  I took the first nine months, and he took the last three.  The “uneven” split was due to the fact that we wanted to breastfeed baby for more than six months, if possible (it was).  Obviously, only I could do that.

We knew early on that we were going to split the year as we both wanted the opportunity to be the primary caregiver and get that bonding experience.  We also hoped this would lead to each of us knowing the work required to care for baby, so we’d be better able to share those responsibilities once we were both working.

I'm still happy with the choice.  When we first made it, I had thought nine months was forever.  Heck - I could make a whole other baby in that time!  And I honestly thought I wouldn’t really like staying home.  I thought I might sometimes find it boring and isolating. I quickly learnt how busy it was. A different pace, but busy none the less. It was a break from my work life; but in no way a "break".

And it was a whole new kind of rewarding.  I loved it. In a different life, I now think I could happily have been a stay at home mom. So it was with mixed feelings that I returned to work.  I fought the urge not to regret the choice to split the year.

But now that I’ve been back about two and a half months, I don’t regret it.  Returning to work was easier for me in that I knew baby wasn’t going directly into daycare.  Also, my husband was so excited to start his time at home with her, that I’m glad our jobs allowed it.

In going back to work, I also learnt that some of the expectations I had of him as the “working parent” had sometimes been a bit off. For example, while I miss my daughter while I’m at work, I don’t always have the energy to be the parent “on duty” once I get home, which I’d often expected of him, given I’d been with baby all day and needed a break. 

And, while hubby adjusted really well and quickly to the stay at home role, he certainly now has an appreciation for all the work that involves.  Some amusing memories from my first week back at work involve him asking me if I was aware baby could sometimes take up to 40 minutes to eat lunch?  And did I know she sometimes just REFUSED to take her afternoon nap?

Seeing the roles from both sides has been really valuable.

Another thing I’ve learnt from changing roles was that it’s okay that our parenting styles are different.  After spending over nine months as the parent responsible for pretty much all decisions concerning her life, I had to take a deep breath, let go a bit, and be okay with things being done differently.  For hubby’s time at home, he’s been in charge (like I had been) of making and choosing baby’s food, planning her days, and setting any rules or schedules we both follow. 

Ultimately, I think having both of us have some time home with baby has worked well for us.  I also hope it will work to our benefit when, next week, baby starts daycare and we are both back at work.  I’ll be sure to blog about how that transition goes...

On a final note, the last thing I feared returning to work was that her life would happen without me.  The reality is that much of it does. But I don’t feel any lack of connection.  We continue to have special activities we do together.  For example, I still take her swimming twice a week and I am generally the parent who does the bedtime routine.  We still have “us” time.  And, finally, while ideally it would be better to not have to leave, the excitement in her face when she sees me coming home is one of the best feelings in the world.

Bio: Louise, aka Mommycrat, has been blogging since May 2010 at Mommycrat.  She lives in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada and blogs about her thoughts on, and life with, her family and daughter.

Further reading in this series:

• All moms work hard 
• How to be a stay-at-home mom without losing your marbles 
• Mom on a wire: finding balance and sanity in a home with two working parents
• You have spoken: the best and worst of being a working mom (away from home)
• How I became a pediatrician turned stay-at-home mom
• The pros and cons of being a work-from-home mom
• From home to work or work to home: speaking up about the transition process
• Back to work: tips for how to prepare for the transition after maternity leave
• Are stay-at-home moms 1950ish? (readers speak up about the best and worst of being a SAHM)
• 4 ways single moms are thriving 
• 8 tips for running a business as a work-from-home mom 
• Mom hat, student hat: important tips for studying moms 

Dear mommy-friends, have you ever worked while your husband stayed at home with the kids? How did this work out for your family? While I was still pregnant with Levi, Ryan and I used to "fight" (not really) over who got to stay home with the baby. I won because I have the boobs... but Ryan would love his chance to be a stay-at-home dad for a while. And who knows... maybe one day it will be possible for a period of time. (?!) How about you?

love hearing about involved dads,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

8 tips for running a business as a work-at-home mom

By Amanda Stock, author of AmandaStock.com and Baby Bump Diaries

{This post is part of the Moms Who Work series.}

Working at home and owning my own business. Oh, I pictured it as lovely also – a warm cup of coffee, pajamas, the birds chirping, beautiful rays of sunshine cascading over my clean desk, and my toddler quietly playing with wooden blocks on pristine white carpet. In my vision, I even have all of the laundry folded and grocery shopping done.  

That daydream is my happy place. The place I go in my mind while reality is happening – a luke warm cup of coffee, my pajamas and the important papers all over my desk both soaked with milk, my toddler running around half naked with an empty sippy cup, while I am on the phone with the babysitter who just canceled for that afternoon…. 

And that was just my first day on the job!  

Owning my own business has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I put it next to motherhood on my biggest achievements list. It gives me the extra kick I need in my life and as long as I keep everything balanced I get the best of both “worlds” – working and raising my daughter full time.  

I take care of a husband, a two year old, a business, myself, and a household. Juggling all of these things requires a lot of practice and skill. It took me a long while to find that perfect balance and along the way I have discovered some very effective guidelines to keep the balance and help myself and my family remain sane.  

1. Always make time for your husband or partner. I’m talking love him, cherish him, and make him your world. At the end of a crazy day, sometimes the only thing I can think about is how fast my head can hit the pillow. But always take time for him even if it is just a few minutes and remember that after the kids are gone and you retire, you will still have him.

2. Savor the moments you spend with your children. It goes by too fast. Be in the moment as much as possible.

3. Go out with your friends at least once per month and make time for vacations. Taking a break is the best way to renew your creativity and strength.

4. Delegate, both in work and home life. You can do it all sure, but it won’t all be done well and will most likely end in disaster or a nervous breakdown. Remember you are raising the next generation here. If you want to maintain a high level of quality you have to learn to delegate. Understand which tasks are the most time consuming for you and figure out how to get them off your plate. Can you outsource certain tasks or hire a virtual assistant? And never use the excuse you can’t afford it because the more time you free up the more time you have to do the tasks that bring serious results to your business, which means more income.

5. Prioritize and know what brings the most results. Owning your business requires a lot of work, but knowing exactly what activities bring you the most results will keep you moving forward rather than treading water.

6. Schedule specific times to complete your work and hire a mother’s helper if needed. Try not to use up your husband’s free time unless money is tight. For example, I work daily during my daughters nap time. If I have a big project or tight deadlines I have a babysitter come to the house for a few hours and do home school preschool activities with my daughter while I get caught up. My husband comes home and then we are all together without distractions.

7. Always keep a notebook close and jot down ideas when you are outside of your normal working hours. If you need to spend time thinking about or brainstorming something, then make sure your kids can have fun while you think. I grab a notepad and head to the playground or beach. It is even better when you can grab some work at home moms you love and do this as a group. My daughter has a blast and we get some quality brainstorming time.

8. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Know that you have to balance much more than a 9-5 job. Know you won’t be able to compare yourself to those who put 14 hour days into their business. If you can’t finish something today, do it tomorrow. Make obtainable goals and celebrate every success!

Bio: Amanda Stock has over 9 years of online marketing experience. She is a work-at-home mother who helps entrepreneurs build successful, result-driven online businesses. Visit AmandaStock.com or BabyBumpDiaries.com to connect with her.

Further reading in this series:

• All moms work hard
• How to be a stay-at-home mom without losing your marbles
• Mom on a wire: finding balance and sanity in a home with two working parents
• You have spoken: the best and worst of being a working mom (away from home)
• How I became a pediatrician turned stay-at-home mom
• The pros and cons of being a work-from-home mom
• From home to work or work to home: speaking up about the transition process
• Back to work: tips for how to prepare for the transition after maternity leave
• Are stay-at-home moms 1950ish? (readers speak up about the best and worst of being a SAHM)
• 4 ways single moms are thriving

Dear mommy-friends, how great are these tips?! I don't even own my own business but I feel inspired by reading Amanda's tips. What are one or two things that jumped out at you from her post? Which of her ideas would you like to implement in your home and work? Are you a business-owning mom? Share some of your tips for surviving and thriving while you juggle it all.

inspired by this successful mama,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission