tackling toddler tantrums (kicking off the series)

This weekend we had our first “mall tantrum”. It wasn’t as epic as most I’ve seen. In fact, it was a strange and hilarious combination of mild protesting and theatrical maneuvers. But it was a public tantrum nonetheless.

Both Ryan and I had to muster every ounce of self-control to keep from laughing.

Having no idea about the mall’s opening hours on a Sunday, we arrived a good 45+ minutes before shops opened. Instead of leaving and coming back we decided to take the opportunity to do a loop around the sparsely populated mall and let Levi roam free, stopping to touch and check out and touch every interesting mirror, door, plant, and who-knows-what that caught his eye. It was nice to not have to rush through errands like we normally do and fun to watch his curiosity lead him from one shop window to another.

But soon more and more people trickled in, the shops started to open, and coffee and cinnamon donuts began to call this expecting mama by name. As fun as it had been, I decided we were done “roaming aimlessly” and that I would pick up Levi and carry him for the rest of the short walk to our destination.

As I tried to pick him up, Levi immediately did the backwards swan dive in protest. When he does this I routinely put him on the floor and walk away. Mommy’s not going to entertain a tantrum, whether it’s at home or surrounded by onlookers.

{since i have no photos of levi mid-tantrum, i thought i'd show you him totally relaxed instead.}

As soon as I put him on the floor, he began what looked like a synchronized swimming routine in slow motion. He rolled onto his tummy, stretched his arms and legs out, rolled onto his back and then his tummy again, did the cobra position, transitioned into the downward dog, and then looked over to where Ryan and I were standing so he could see our reaction.

It was at this point we were desperately trying to hold it together… it was outrageously funny. (I admit that it did help that the mall was still fairly quiet and only a few people actually witnessed the little scene.)

He saw that we were not impressed or reacting and then sat up clearly disappointed and defeated. It was at this point where I walked back over to him, asked him if he’d like to try again, and picked him up without a struggle to walk the rest of the way. Of course he was happy and carefree – not at all affected by the mini-drama that had unfolded just moments before.

But here’s the key: As much as Levi walks away from a tanty having virtually forgotten what just happened, I’m also learning not to let them dictate the rest of my day either.

When he first started throwing fits, I felt helpless and clueless and outright discouraged. Having worked in childcare for years I’ve had the opportunity to deal with tantrums in toddlers and preschoolers before… but our little guy started exerting his independence at eight months old. Yes, we’re talking throwing himself at my feet and rolling around screaming on the floor – all-out tantrums beginning at a mere eight months! I was beside myself with shock and surprise to see this happening so early.

But now, with a few months under my belt, I’m feeling much more at ease addressing this part of the development process. It’s all a part of growing-up – both Levi as a little toddler and me as a confident mother.

Granted, this little mall tanty was a mild one—and we’ve had many occasions of dealing with much worse ones in this house—but I do feel like I’m understanding more and more how to best handle these suckers when they arrive. I’m no expert, and there are many more moms out there who are far more experienced than I am, but I want to share some of what I’ve learned so far…

So..... come back tomorrow for my tips and tricks for dealing with toddler meltdowns!! (Otherwise this post would just get far too long!)

Dear friends, the experts say that throwing tantrums is a normal part of the development phase as babies and toddlers learn to exert their independence. For some it really kicks in around two or three years old, for others around a year old, and still for others even earlier than that. When did your child start with his/her first tantrums? And was it a phase that lasted long?


learning to stay calm, firm, and patient,

See also:

1. The nature of the storm: 12 things every parent should know about dealing with tantrums
2. Preparing for the storm: 7 ways to batten down the hatches before a tantrum hits 
3. In the midst of the storm: 7 methods of coping with tantrums 
4. The aftermath of the storm: 9 do’s and don’ts of post-tantrum follow-up 

linking in with chelsea for the "green" challenge:

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
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