a thanksgiving to remember

Levi’s first Thanksgiving was perfect.

It wasn’t “normal”, but then again, we aren’t always a “normal” family.

We flew into Hawaii on Wednesday night, just in time to celebrate the big holiday (in America!) with some of our closest friends.

On Thursday morning we started with a beautiful breakfast of all sorts of American and tropical delights filling our plates, and then headed out to a Thanksgiving service at the Ohana Court.

Together with a few hundred others, we thanked God for all that we have and celebrated the fact that life is good.

Make that… Life. Is. Good. Real good.

For our main meal we went to our friends’ house where we had mountains of glorious Thanksgiving fare and ate around tables filled with people from eleven different nations: Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, Holland, Canada, Korea, China, Egypt, Palau, Japan, and of course America.

We sat in our summer clothes enjoying gi-normous turkeys full of stuffing – the sort that can only be found in America – while the cool breeze blew through the open windows and sliding glass doors and the sun sank into the Pacific Ocean.

It was the perfect blend between my roots in Oregon and our home in Australia – a little bit of the tropics mixed with glorious American bounty until our belt buckles were busting.

Even Levi got to taste his first turkey and American-style yams.

We feel so blessed to be able to celebrate life and all that we have, along with others that are equally grateful for the opportunities and provision that God has extended to us.

And now, a few of the things I’m grateful for:

• My freedom to live and worship and speak and be all that I’m created to be.
• The amazing family that loves me so much and laid an incredible foundation for my life… and the wonderful family I married into.
• A husband that has become my closest and dearest friend.
• Our little boy who has turned my world upside-down and taught me what love is.
• The home we have which is a place of refuge, rest, celebration, fun, hospitality, and growth.
• Work that is rich and varied and purposeful.
• Friends that share their very best with me and make my life journey incredible.
• Technology that allows me to fly to the other side of the planet, speak face-to-face with far-away loved ones, and access the knowledge of the world at my fingertips.
• A home in heaven prepared with me in mind.

Thanksgiving holiday has come and gone, but my heart of gratitude remains. I’d like to reach the end of my days and be able to look back and say that I lived a life of gratitude… not just when November rolls around each year.

A life of gratitude is a life that stays sweet.

Dear friends, gratitude is something that I place high value on and hope to model to my children well. What are you grateful for today? Or how are you modeling gratitude for your children to see?

thankful,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

dear God, thank you for the scrunchie face

Ninety-five percent of people that meet Levi think he looks just like his daddy.

This is pretty much the only time people ever say my son and I look alike:

I’ve dubbed it the “scrunchie face”.

When Levi does it, people giggle and say that it’s cute.

When I put it on it doesn’t really get me anywhere. But at least then I can prove that he is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone.

I like that.

Dear friends, who do people say your child looks like?

mama scrunchie face,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

how is it?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that my sweet little boy couldn’t even hold his head up on his own or roll himself over?

So how is it that today he is riding a bicycle?

And nearly walking on his own?

And playing the drums?

And jumping waves?

And taking long strolls on the beach?

And wrestling with daddy?

And crash-tackling cousin Jackson?

And taking rides on my shoulders?

And waving bye-bye?

And sitting on big boy swings?

And getting cuter and cuter... and more hilarious by the day?

Dear friends, what is your child doing lately that surprises you?

loving it all,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

dedicated to God

This weekend we had Levi’s baby dedication at church.

As parents, Ryan and I believe that children are a gift from God, and that becoming parents means that we are entrusted with the awesome responsibility and privilege of raising them to the best of our ability.

To us, having a baby dedication ceremony is merely a public confession of something that we do every day:

There is not a night that goes by that I don’t thank God for the beautiful gift of Levi’s life, and not a day that goes by that we don’t dedicate ourselves to the incredible task of raising him to be a young man who loves God and loves people according to our faith.

As Levi comes of age himself he will choose if he wants to follow God or not. That is his decision, not our own.

Our commitment to him in the meantime is that we do our best to demonstrate God’s heart of love, compassion, kindness, grace, acceptance, humility, wisdom, justice, and mercy so that his view of God will be as accurate as possible as it comes time for his faith to become his own.

{levi was busy preaching up a storm and waving to everyone during the entire thing.}

So as we stood up in front of the congregation along with my in-laws at Levi’s baby dedication, we publicly declared our intention to walk out our commitment to him in teaching him and training him in life and faith. We thanked God—once again—for the amazing gift of Levi’s life, and we dedicated our little family to the One we believe is the Giver of Life and All Things Good.

{and... now for the double-handed wave. also pictured, "nanny and bop" - ryan's parents.}

Dear friends, isn’t it an amazing privilege and responsibility to have children? What is one thing that you are dedicated to that helps you to parent your child well?

dedicated to raising my son well,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

levi's tips and tricks for traveling with your mama

My kid has more frequent flyer miles racked up than most people twenty years his senior. He’s now been on eight flights and within the next month will have another nine flights under his belt.

After I traveled overseas with Levi on my own when he was ten weeks old, I wrote a post called Tips and Tricks for Traveling with an Infant. (If you need some travel tips for the holidays, you can check those out here.) But this time around I asked Levi if he could give us some insight from his perspective. He is, after all, an excellent world traveler.

Without further adieu, here are Levi’s tips and tricks for traveling with your Mama:

1.     Giggle at everything. This will help mama to not get stressed about the heavy bags and the long lines.

2.     Clap when you see the food come out. Long flights are no time for meal-time dramas, so make sure she sees that you’re excited to eat… and then eat quickly and heartily.

3.     Time your poos for layovers. She will be so happy to not be trying to change you inside the mouse hole that they call an airline bathroom. Or, at least if you do have to poo while on the plane, just keep your hands out of it when she's trying to change you. The less stress you cause in that little closet, the better. Trust me on this one.

4.     Give her extra cuddles. Most likely she is tired from all the planning and packing and cleaning during the lead-up to the trip, so getting more cuddly than usual will remind her that it was all more than worth it.

5.     Put up with her taking lots of photos… and ham it up a little. Documenting the memories is important to her, so have fun with it. I know she takes enough to fill up a bazillion memory cards, but humor her. Having great photos really does make her heart sing.

6.     Don’t be clingy. Let her hold you when she’s up for it, but spend just as much time with Daddy too. She loves her time with you, but she also loves seeing you love your time with Daddy. And apparently she sometimes needs her space too. At least, that’s what Daddy tells me.

7.     Cry if you really need to, but refrain from protest crying and tantrums. Mamas don’t like tantrums or protests on the best of days, but those things will stress her our way more if you’re in a confined space. So just skip it and keep reasonably quiet.

8.     Charm and befriend the flight attendants and the other passengers. When they give Mama compliments about how wonderful you are, she will beam with delight… and relief.

9.     Fall asleep in her arms. I know you normally think you’re too big to sleep in Mama’s arms these days, but she will love the feeling of you breathing deeply on her chest. Give her this little piece of heaven; she deserves it.

10.  Be easily entertained. It’s unrealistic to think Mama can bring along all of your favorite toys, so entertain yourself with new “grown-up things” like the inflight magazine, seat belts, and the channel buttons on the arm rests.

Dear friends, aren’t Levi’s tips great? The best part about his tips is that he speaks them from experience and—so far—has abided by all of them. What would your child add to Levi’s list?

proud mama of a wonderful frequent flyer,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

just what the doctor ordered

My house is immaculate. I kid you not.

The only way it could get cleaner is if the windows were washed and someone straightened up all the cans in the cupboard “While You Were Sleeping” style.

Thanks to two weeks worth of planning and some help from my fabulous husband and my amazing friend Kate, it’s the cleanest it’s been in…

Ever.

And it will stay like that… because we’re not there to mess it up.

Glory.

Our friends’ parents are flying in from overseas for three weeks at Christmas and we’ve offered for them to stay in our place. What fun it is to know that while we are off enjoying holidays, someone else is enjoying their own holidays thanks—albeit in small part—to us). I like that.

Speaking of holidays, I was at the doctor the other day for some silly pains and minor ailments (oh, and my sore throat/golf balls) and she asked me how I was doing. I mean, how I was doing. I thought right then and there she was going to break out into a therapy session. She just had that tone combined with the slight I-feel-your-pain-why-don’t-you-tell-me-how-you-feel look on her face.

I told her I was pretty much fine—which is completely true—and she proceeded to tell me that I am underweight (hello, breastfeeding?), and that I am exhausted looking and basically just seem run-down.

Yes, my dear sweet doctor said that I looked like a train wreck. Except that she didn’t actually use those words. She sounded much more doctor-like and… professional. But I know that’s what she was thinking.

Thanks. A lot.

I wanted to tell her that maybe it’s just that I had not had a chance to put on any make-up yet that day. Or that it’s been really humid and I’ve had a string of more-than-bad hair days. Or that it was Levi’s fault for sucking all of the fat right out through my boobs.

Surely I didn’t look as bad as she said I did.

But I knew she was right. I haven’t felt or looked very energetic or fresh lately. Blech.

From there dear Doctor Wise One wrote me a prescription for a long holiday, when—to her delight—I told her I was already in the process of packing my bags and heading out with my two favourite boys two days later.

Just what the doctor ordered. (Thank you Australia for paying our doctors to give us good advice – I’d like to be sent on holidays a little more often even. Maybe you should give them a pay rise?)

In all seriousness though, my doctor then told me to come back to check in with her in the new year, and that she expects me to be looking fabulous and well-rested. She included in her prescription that I’m not allowed to “help people” or try to get work done while away.

This is what I heard: sleep in every day until 10:00am, gorge myself on American food (ok, Mexican food), and spend my days transferring between the hot tub and the couch catching up on The Office, Modern Family, and every single Christmas movie I can get my hands on. And then read those twelve books that are all half finished. Oh, and I’m not allowed to do any dishes. Or laundry. Or anything that involves a spray bottle.

Well maybe my holiday won’t look much like that. But I guarantee you it will include several burritos, It’s a Wonderful Life, and even perhaps a few daytime naps.

And I should probably get some peanut M&M's. Because, you know, my doctor said so.

Holidays, here we come. In fact, holidays, here we are. You are most welcome in my life.

Dear friends, when is the last time you planned on having a true break? Or when is the next time?

on my way to stock up the reserves a little,

auto-responder: vacation notification {woohoo!}

Actually, these photos are not from our vacation. They're from a beautiful afternoon at our local pool/beach a few Sundays ago...

But in honor of the fact that we are well and truly on holiday now, I thought I'd post these holiday-ish looking photos of my boys.

Because, you know, they're just so dang cute.

And because I'm writing (and scheduling) this post about a week before we really are on holidays. (Yeah, I'm tricky like that.)

And mostly because Levi's grandma is always hanging out for more photos of her first grandchild.

These are for you Gigi... your favorite grandson and your favorite son-in-law. (And we'll see you in person soon!)

{those cheeks!}

{those eyelashes! and that little button nose!}

{who needs to be home for nap time when you can just crash out on the beach?}

{responsible mommy keeping my boys under cover of the shade... while i sunbathe of course.}

Dear friends, there's no real reason for this post other than to throw up a few photos in celebration of being on holiday. (And to appease Gigi of course.) But aren't you jealous that I live in such a beautiful place that my Sundays can look like this?

now relaxing with family,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

dear natural birth club, P.S.

A while back I wrote a post called Dear Natural Birth Club. To date it’s one of my most-clicked, most-forwarded posts.

Probably because it’s a little controversial. And it's also a little sarcastic. (It was never intended to be a serious dig… just a stir-the-pot-and-get-you-thinking sort of post.)

And probably because it touches something close to the heart of every mother – childbirth.

I got some wonderful and insightful comments from this post and wanted to share some of them with you to keep the conversation going.

A tiny bit of background in case you haven't read my original letter: I had planned to have a water birth without medication, but ended up with a C-section because my little munchkin was an undetected breech. And you know what? I’m okay with that. Sure, I had to deal with some feelings of disappointment and the emotions that come with unmet expectations, but I really was over-the-moon about the birth of my firstborn and the fact that it was a low-stress, smooth birth (all things considering). Because of course I knew that a birth plan is just that: a birth plan... And things don't always go according to plan, now do they? {grin}

And yet in the months after my birth, I kept feeling as if I was hearing so much negativity about births like mine. Not mine specifically; just those like mine. And well, that made me... a little ticked off. 

Because we all know that a healthy birth is a successful one. (God knows, many women aren't as lucky as we are to have the care and expertise that we are offered in our hospitals and birthing centers.) 


Who are we to judge each others' choices and experiences?

So the hot topic: To give birth with drugs and interventions... or to give birth naturally? 

It is a sensitive issue isn't it? And one we don't always have a choice about.

Of course it’s not the only parenting hot topic. There’s also breastfeeding, sleep training, discipline methods, staying home or working outside the home, and so many other parenting preferences and choices! Ohmygoodness.

If you haven’t read Dear Natural Birth Club, you may want to visit first here. But even if you don’t, the comments below speak for themselves. (Please note that this is only a selection of the comments from that original post. Although I greatly appreciate all comments, these are the ones I thought relevant to a follow-up post.)

Thanks to my readers for some wonderful contributions to the discussion.... I love your insight, expertise, opinions, and thoughtfulness.

Hannah said...

LOL, I am so going to join your group. I also had every intention of joining the "pushed", even though I did push for four hours with my first. I didn't get to join with either of my boys, they too had their own plans on how they were coming into this world.

Livy said...

I did have a sorta-natural birth. If you count pitocin + no pain meds. I just did it that way because I was more scared of an epidural than pain. I don't tell everyone. Only if they ask.

It doesn't really matter how our children got here, only that they DID get here and safely at that.

I am learning more and more as I go how many different clubs there are in mommyhood. We can never do everything "right." I am trying to not care and just do things the way I feel.

Mandy said...

I know how you feel!! I was one of those that intended to join the natural childbirth club as well. And although I was able to deliver vaginally, my son had plan to make it a bit harder and almost impossible to do so. One thing I've learned about childbirth, is that it rarely goes according to our plan. It's unpredictable and all we can do is be proud of ourselves, regardless of the way it went. We have our beautiful babies to show for it, right?

Amy Sullivan said...

As an unintentional member of the Natural Birth Club (way, way fast birth...didn't even make it to the hospital), I'd like to say it's not as fab as everyone claims.

Emily @ Finding My Aloha said...

I totally feel ya on this one! I am a card toting organic lifestyle person. I have been living green long before it was cool. However, never once did I ever think I wanted to have a natural birth. It grossed me out and I cannot understand why people would intentionally put themselves through pain. I have heard all the arguments and I STILL don't get it. I have an inherent problem with the argument that it is a rite of passage. You have got to be kidding me! Like pregnancy, birth, 10, 12, 2, 4, & 6am feedings, spit up, uncontrollable crying, hormones, and all the other "joys" of motherhood isn't rite of passage enough. I do not understand why people make this all such a big deal. We are all moms, thats all that really matters. Thanks for sharing. It sure is a hot subject.

Maryline said...

I know exactly where you are coming from, a girlfriend of mine felt so disappointed she had a C-section when she really wanted to push. But today? She's the same happy mommy she would have been.

Truth is it does not matter. It's like the natural birth club -- who hands out the medals again? Now come on, give yourself a pat on the shoulder and go on. Good work momma.

Anna said...

I am not a part of that club as well. Disappointing. Yes. Felt like a failure in my first job as a mom. However, on the flip side, I now have 3 healthy children all delivered via the zipper. They are turning out very well, so I have succeeded in many other areas. 

cooperl788 said...

Getting the baby out, however way it happens, is hard work and not something to feel superior about

Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) said...

It is so very true, we all give birth...it may not always turn out as planned, but no one way is better than others. I can certainly understand your disappointment and heartache having planned and dreamed this day for 9 months.

I like your club: The Mamas Who Gave Birth and I think it was clever and well written...Congratulations and I think you're an amazing Mama!

The Planet Pink said...

I don't understand why we have to belong to a club at all *shrug* But if we have to, I'm a member of both. The natural birth club x3 (does that make me president?) and the line across my belly club x 1. I can safely say (since I go to both meetings) that with the exception of the vocal minority (which ALWAYS try to speak for the entire group), both clubs are greatly misunderstood by each other. And I can also confidently say that unless you are a part of both clubs, you will never fully understand the other side. My suggestion is to assume positive intent and move on. In fact I think I shall resign my membership to both and just be me....

Amy said...

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes moms can make each other feel bad for not doing this or that...without meaning to. I feel confident that what I did/do is OK. I am a wimp, so I went for the epidural the 1st time. Second time? Baby came WAY too fast and I had no choice but to go au natural. Both times all that mattered was the cute little guy who came out of it.

LauraCYMFT said...

Tsk! Can't stand there are so called clubs like these! Does it really matter how baby is born so long as both baby and mother are healthy and well afterwards?!

~Lisa~ said...

I was a breeched baby and I tell you what, it is harder to have a c-section than a natural birth.

hannah said...

Congratulations and welcome to the C-Section Club! You've expressed some things I have felt too as a c-section mommy (placenta previa for me instead of breach).

I have felt many of the same things you've expressed, although it's definitely from my own judgment of myself rather than that of others. Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to be the perfect mom because I feel like I couldn't do the first thing I should have as a mom--just get him out. Remember that giving birth, having major surgery, and the combination of the two are things you have to recover from mentally and emotionally as well as physically!

Laura Elliott said...

I've never really thought about myself as part of a club, I'm just me.

I wanted a natural birth without drugs, I got the natural part in the sense that I didn't need a c section but I had every drug I could - pethidine, gas, epidural. In the end all that mattered was that we were both healthy.

I tried breastfeeding but it drove me and my daughter to tears. Probably should have stuck it out longer but I was struggling so much. I swapped to formula and from there it all got a whole lot easier.

I stayed at home for a while but I felt like I had cabin fever. Sometimes I feel guilty because I didn't cut it as a stay at home mum. I loved going back to work and I now work four days per week.

There are so many choices. Everyone has their own unique story. At the end of the day a baby is born and that is a wonderful and beautiful thing.

Thanks for the post as it got me thinking and it has reminded me to be careful to not put people into categories and make them feel like they don't fit in.

KimD said...

From the first day I found out I was prego (on my birthday) I knew that 1. no breastfeeding 2. oh heck yeah pain meds 3. I'm not giving up coffee for 9 months. Ooh some heads are spinning now!!!!) I went to the hospital the night before my scheduled induction to make sure I wouldn't miss that epidural window of opportunity! 

Justine said...

Hi Adriel, I didn't realize there was such a divide between the two camps of mamas. I am not even sure why there would be one. But I guess life is like high school over and over again regardless of where you are in life. Cliques, groups, haves, have-nots - we do the best we can to navigate around these I suppose. 

Lynda said...

Thank you Adriel. After what happened with my births and my chronic low supply, I say eff all the clubs. I don't want to be a member, even honorary, of any of them. I have some amazingly supportive, like-minded friends. I think that's all that matters.

Enjoy Birth said...

I love your post. It helps remind us moms to be less judgmental of each other! Each birth is unique and special.  I am sorry you didn't get a chance to have the birth you hoped and planned for, but so happy that you are glad about your birth. You actually helped me remember it is mom and baby who help shape a birth.

Jill L said...

Hey, the fact that you had a baby makes you a supermom :) I pushed Eva out, but had to get an epidural just about one or two hours before the pushing began, I have a very low threshold for pain and pass out because of it (I actually have a medical condition related to this, neurocardiogenic syncope). Actually, by the grace of God, I didn't pass out during labor, but when I started to get very close to it, I decided drugs were better than me passing out all the time which would just complicate things. So, I to did not have Eva "naturally", however, for my body make up, I think I actually am a superwoman. I'm quite proud of myself for how long I did make it naturally with labor.

How you feel about your labor experience is how I feel about my breastfeeding experience. I still find myself sometimes struggling with the fact that I had to give it up.

Anonymous said...

You ALL belong to a club I wanted to join and couldn't . . . I am an infertile mom and now proud adoptive mother of FIVE, all girls (25, 20, 13, and 6 year old twins) . . . there were many times I felt like I had been black-balled from YOUR club. Not so much anymore, but please respect that we are ALL moms: those who foster children, those who adopt, those grandparents who raise their grandkids. We all need to stick together!!!

{In closing.} 

Isn’t this a great variety of perspectives? And really, when you boil it right down... we all have the same message: have your baby in a healthy way, don't judge others or be exclusive, and don't be insecure about the way your own birth(s) unfolded. Of course I’m totally oversimplifying here... but you get what I'm saying.

And this is why clubs are dangerous: they make it “us and them” when really there is nothing more unifying than having a shared experience like childbirth anyway. Or to take that a step even further: to have the shared experience of parenthood full stop.

Dear friends, isn’t this a hot topic?! Would you care to add to the conversation about your experience becoming a mom... whether it be with or without drugs, or with or without pushing? Or even with or without giving birth?

grateful to have given birth at all,
simply grateful to be a mom,

 

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission