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the mommyhood memos: this one's a little raw...

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

this one's a little raw...

So here’s the deal. It’s been a rough week in my little world. And when I say rough I mean it’s been an “I’m-only-getting-out-of-bed-because-that’s-the-adult-thing-to-do” sort of week.

Well, that and the fact that I have a precious baby who needs me.

And now here I am breaking a promise I made to myself: I’m writing an “explanation post.”

Please don’t take this personally, but I’ve never much liked it when bloggers post things like, “I’m sorry I’ve not posted in a while… but I’ve had a lot of laundry lately, blah, blah, blah.” Because the way I see it, it’s your blog, post when you want, or when you can, but don’t make apologies about it. {Just my opinion.}

But I suppose I feel a little differently at the moment because I abruptly stopped posting right in the middle of a series where I was featuring some amazing guest bloggers… and I guess I feel like I’ve ripped them off a little.

For that, and for lost momentum, I’m so sorry.

The truth is, some stuff has happened in my personal world that stopped me in my tracks. It’s what I would call an upper cut to the jaw followed by a swift left hook. (I'm speaking metaphorically here – no actual punch outs or beatings, so you can go ahead and relax about that.)

But yeah, I was blindsided. (And, yeah, I’m still quite sore.)

As much as I know that writing about it would actually help me to process… in this case, I just can’t (well not here anyway). So I’ll have to leave my references vague. And no, I’m not going to say more than that.

Frustrating, right?

I know. I’m sorry. And yet that’s the way it has to be.

If I explained I know you’d understand. But since I can’t you’ll just have to take my word for it. And I do have a point to this post that’s more than just telling you that I’m coming back and dropping some vague references to an ambiguous hardship… (Are you confused yet?)

I’m going to be resuming the Moms Who Work series tomorrow, or maybe the day after. And—like I promised—I really do have a few more gems for you during the rest of the series. I know you’ll love it.

But in the meantime, I’m going to ask something of you. You may think I’m being egocentrical, and maybe I am, but I’m going to take that risk. Because… I need this.

Here’s what I want to ask of you:

Will you please tell me what the Memos means to you? Why do you read this blog? How is my little corner of the blogosphere effecting your life? {Because if it isn’t, then I’ve got some serious re-evaluating to do.}

Don’t get me wrong, I have been loving pouring myself into this blog over the last four+ months… and I have about a million (ok, 47) topics queued up, just waiting to be written about. (That doesn’t include the ones that are just floating around my head.) I’ve loved not only the writing, but the designing, the crafting, the connecting, the challenge, the creative expression, the discipline, the brain-stretching and stimulation, and the genuine friends that have been born out of it.

But as much as I’ve loved it, I’m at a crossroads—one that I didn’t see coming—and I need to know it’s worth it to continue. Quite simply, I need some reassurance here, some encouragement.

Can you help me? Just this once? Can you tell me what I need to hear?

Don’t flatter me. Don’t give me fluffy internet hugs (unless you really mean it). Just give it to me straight.

I’m looking for a little honest confirmation.

Why should I keep the Memos going?

And to those of you who’ve asked… yes, I’m okay. I’m definitely dealing with some stuff I’d rather not be dealing with… and my little world has been rocked hard… but I’ve crawled back out from under my rock and I know I’ll be ok.

Know this: my baby is good, my marriage is good, overall life is good. We’re all fine. And yet even the best of lives also contain hardship, and some interruptions, and some… pain. {You know that, right?}

But yeah, I’m ok. Thanks for asking.

And now, as unprofessional as this feels, and as much as I know I’ll probably regret this tomorrow, I’m going to go ahead and hit “publish”… because it’s my blog and I’ll humiliate myself if I really feel it’s necessary. (And heck, if I end up regretting it too much when I wake up in the morning, I'll just delete it and "pretend" it never posted.)

Right now, I don’t care about my reputation. What I do care about is making sure that this is all worth it.

So please, tell me why in the world you like to read what I have to say. I just need to know.


P.S. If you’re new here… I cringe at the thought of this being an introduction to the Memos. I swear, I’m not a killjoy; I’m not usually depressing. Go read Dear Naptime or I Gots Me Some Mama Badges or something else that will make you laugh. Or go to the Besties and find something there. Just ignore this post – my one post that I’ve written without you in mind. Forgive me for being a little narcissistic here. It had to be done… I think. {shudder}

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission


At September 22, 2010 at 3:01 AM , Blogger Mom said...

Oh Adriel...I hope whatever it is that you have encountered will be resolved/fixed/go away {insert solution here}. I do want to let you know that I LOVE your blog! As I said in a shout-out post of mine, I feel like you could be my best friend. Your writing is genuine and fun and relate able. I also LOVE the pictures of your little man and the glimpses I get of the place I most want to visit. However, in this chapter of your life, do what is best for you. If writing helps, do it. If taking a break would help, do it. Take care of you and your family first. That is what is most important!

At September 22, 2010 at 3:05 AM , Blogger Greta said...

You are funny, real, honest and encouraging. You turn feelings in to words. I LOVE your's one of the only ones I read *every* single post on.

That said, if you need to take a break, you will still have a follower the moment you come back. Take are of you and your family. After all, isn't that the inspiration? :)

You're gifted with writing. Truly.

At September 22, 2010 at 3:21 AM , Blogger Mandy said...

Thank you for posting this, I know that it's hard to put yourself out there. We all go through hardships of different magnitudes, so (I would hope) we all understand where you are coming from. We're all hear to listen to whatever you have to say. And to offer whatever support we can.. even if it is just to tell you that we love the memos.
Because I'm betting I'm not just speaking for me when I say that I really do love reading your blog.
You give so freely of yourself and your time, to help others. There are so many people out there that turn to the blogging community for support, encouragement, empathy, motivation, inspiration, love, and sometimes a challenge. It is such a great thing that you're doing with your blog my dear. There have been many times that I just couldn't put down into words what I was feeling, but all I had to do was turn to a fellow blogger and they would have a post that would be exactly what I needed to hear, or say. And that helps tremendously.
Thank you for all that you do, and you are in my prayers sweetie!

At September 22, 2010 at 3:22 AM , Blogger Jennifer Kay said...

I agree with Greta, yours is one that I read every post...alot of them I just skim over and wait for an eye catching post title. If it's not in you though, take a break for a while and come back when you are ready. Blogging is hard to do, especially when we have such busy lives!

I hope everything works out in your favor!

At September 22, 2010 at 3:27 AM , Blogger Carol said...

I echo those above me. I'm newish to your blog. I find it to be well written, witty, and easy to relate to. Blogging should be a creative outlet, something that you enjoy doing. It shouldn't be forced or something you are enslaved to. It should always take a back seat to the things in life that matter most. If life is taking you in an unexpected direction, it's okay to let the blog go...we'll all still be here when you get back, and hopefully you'll have one hell of a tale to tell - with a happy ending too.

At September 22, 2010 at 3:42 AM , Blogger A Little R&R said...

First of all, you are in my prayers. That is first and foremost. I am so sorry for whatever it is that has hit you so hard, God knows and as I am praying He knows how to answer.

Now - on to some virtual hugs. :) I love your blog and if you disappeared I'd be so sad. I look forward to your blogs everyday. I don't know - it just wouldn't be the same without you. You have offered me laughs, "ahhhhs", encouragment..and so many times I've said, "Oh!! I am SOOOO glad I am not the only one who ________". So often you've saved me from committing myself to the nut house - because I realized I'm not crazy - I am just a mom with too many hats!

That said, don't regret writing this. No one should ever regret reaching out. By reaching out you give us a chance to offer encouragement. It's a win-win. :)

At September 22, 2010 at 3:43 AM , Blogger Emily said...

Adriel. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Even though I don't know what this is, I am pretty sure I can relate. I took a LONG break from public blogging. I turned my blog private and just did it for me. Eventually I realized I loved writing, and I loved sharing it with other people...
That being said, I love your blog bc it isn't cookie cutter. Your topics are fun and fresh, your writing is great. You have an ease about the page that makes it fun to come back and read your blog.
You are super sweet to those who are in your blogging world. You go out of your way to say nice things to other, and your kindness seems very genuine.
Not to mention you have a gorgeous family!
I hope you are able to find some peace in your situation.

At September 22, 2010 at 4:40 AM , Blogger Becca said...

My first try didn't go through, so I'll try again. I'm so sorry for the hardships you are going through. I hope they pass quickly and that the Lord uses them for good. I read your blog because it is an encouragement to me on many levels, and I appreciate your real opinions, honesty, and openness. I hope you keep it going.

At September 22, 2010 at 5:45 AM , Blogger Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) said...

Adriel you brought tears to my eyes because I hate to "see" you in pain or questioning yourself. I know I only "know" you through this blogosphere but from what I know of you and your Memos...all I have to say is I simply LOVE it.

Your writing is beautiful, honest, generous and funny. The Memos is a bright and beautiful corner of this whole blog world and I feel blessed to "know" you this way.

It is evident the passion you have for writing and reaching out to others...DON'T LET GO OF IT!

I understand sometimes we all have to re-evaluate and prioritize, so you are right, make no what is right for you and your family. Just know that I think you are a fabulous woman, mother, wife, writer, and so much more. I wish you the best Adriel and look forward to hearing from you soon.

At September 22, 2010 at 6:00 AM , Blogger JIll said...

I want you to know that I am thinking about you and your family. Your blog is one of the few blogs that I read and read all the way through. What you write is honest and right to the point. I like to know that I am not the only one going through things. I hope that you choose to continue to write, that is a little selfish of me, so that I can continue to read it. With that being said I hope you do what is right for you and your family.

At September 22, 2010 at 6:08 AM , Blogger Laura said...

I really like your blog and I think you've hit it on the nail in your post about it being your blog. If you enjoy blogging then I'd continue doing it no matter what. But from the comments I see so far I think a lot of people would miss reading your blog.

At September 22, 2010 at 7:13 AM , Blogger Casey Martinez said...

My mom gives me a good pep talk from time to time when I go through tough seasons and she always does such an amazing job of encouraging me to recognize my gifts and to keep working at them no matter what anyone says. You are gifted at writing and blogging so keep it up! People are reading and being blessed by what you share!

At September 22, 2010 at 7:47 AM , Blogger Lisa said...

I am relatively new, but one thing I really feel is that you appreciate both sides to the story, giving voice to the career woman and stay at home. After such a short time, you already have such a huge must be doing something right.

At September 22, 2010 at 9:29 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

your blog is a reflection of the way you do one part of your life -- the parenting part.
and the way that you do life, adriel, is the most inspiring thing i have encountered. seeing the joy and fullness with which you choose to live gives me hope and excitement.
your vulnerability and transparency is rare and beautiful and a strong testimony to God's love.
thank you for every bit of your life that you choose to share with your readers. your words change lives by giving hope and by affecting decisions for His Kingdom.
bless you in your suffering. may His presence and His peace be your constant companion.

At September 22, 2010 at 10:15 AM , Blogger Rochelle said...

You inspire me to be a better mother with your focus on God and desire to see the bigger picture with your family. I love blogs that echo my innermost desires and point me to Christ. I would miss you if you weren't here.

At September 22, 2010 at 10:49 AM , Blogger Cameron said...

I'm going to have to write most of what I have to say in an email. But I wanted to say that I honestly (not just saying this) believe that you have one of the best writing styles, voices & perspectives of all the blogs I read. Your blog & Melissa's blog at Dear Baby are the only two must-reads daily that I have. I know I don't always have time to comment, but I always have to be reading. I think you are so easy to relate to & so encouraging & understanding to moms in so many different situations. I really believe that if you were to stop blogging, it would make me question whether or not I want to continue because I think my blog pales in comparison to yours. I think that the loss of your blog in my blog world would be a major change that I wouldn't like.

I have more to say & I'm emailing you.

At September 22, 2010 at 10:56 AM , Blogger cooperl788 said...

No fluff, right? Here goes...
Unselfishly, I think you should keep blogging because you love it. Because you want to connect with an amazing community of moms, and because you want to have a way to document Levi's life. Selfishly, I really enjoy reading what you have to say. I want you to keep blogging because I love your honest, sweet, and humble way that you write. You have so much knowledge to offer moms and moms-to-be! Your Moms Who Work series has been really fantastic - your blog is a great forum for women to be able to find commonalities and connect (which is such a big part of blogging). I've so enjoyed getting to know you and your family, and I would be so sad and disappointed if your blog weren't here. I'm sending good vibes your way that the right choice makes itself known to you. ::Fluffy Hugs::

At September 22, 2010 at 11:20 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are a beautiful, wonderful writer. I have enjoyed getting to know you (although i have know you my "whole life") better. fun to hear the good, bad and ugly...which most people wont talk about. but what is most important is YOU and YOUR family!! take care adriel! we love you guys all the way in oregon!

At September 22, 2010 at 11:30 AM , Blogger Gretchen said...

I adore your blog for so many reasons. Throughout my pregnancy I have gravitated to the wiser more experienced mamas out there in blog land. It is so encouraging to read your words, hear your stories and know that I can do this whole motherhood thing too. Even on the days when I feel less than ready.

Your blog gives me that kind of encouragement. It gives me a lot of hope ... and laughs too!

You're in my thoughts and prayers :)

At September 22, 2010 at 11:40 AM , Blogger Tiffany Larson said...

I read a lot of blogs but yours is the only "mommy blog" I read regularly. Do what is right for you and your family. I've taken weeks or even a month off of blogging because it became a burden, not a joy. I'm praying for your family - the Lord will carry you through this.

At September 22, 2010 at 12:11 PM , Blogger Mommycrat said...

You are one of the first mom blogs I found online that I connected with. I think that speaks to the quality of your blog and the type of person you are. You're warm and engaging and this venue was made for you. You make people feel they know you personally.

Your blog is honest, and funny, and I make an effort to read it because I enjoy it.

So my self-centred reply is: keep blogging. Mom blogs are richer for having you here. I like you. You have somethng to say and are a natural leader/aggregator/communicator. What you say resonates and you make an impact in this part of the blog world.

That all said, I don't know what's happened in your life to cause you to re-evaluate. I'm glad everything is okay. If the blog is too much right now, you can scale it back for a bit, or re-evaluate what you want to do with it. Or, if it's best, you can stop. Do what's right for you. I think you are a good writer. And you speak to people. But I think you can take a break and be able to come back. I also think the decision to blog is personal - people do it for different reasons - and it comes down to what you get out of it. If you aren't getting what you want out of it, or can find that outlet somewhere else and that's a better choice for you, then do what's right for you.

Whatever choice you make, I hope you find yourself doing something where you express yourself creatively, connect with people, and bring people together with your enthusiasm, creativity, and organization. I hope you continue to do that through your blog. If you don't, I hope you find another outlet where you can do some of the same - because you truly have a gift for it.

At September 22, 2010 at 1:20 PM , Blogger lunablue said...

I think your blog is great. It is beautiful, it presents a very positive view of motherhood. Loving, together... You just seem very happy to be a mom, the end, instead of being weird and whiny and scary like some moms that make me scared to have my kids

At September 22, 2010 at 3:08 PM , Blogger Getrealmommy said...

Hi. I admire you for putting it out there. Even us funny bloggers who like to laugh at ourselves have real things to get through. It is difficult do determine what a blog should be. I struggle with that myself. Am I trying to be light-hearted and funny? Am I keeping a true journal of my life? Am I ready to offend and annoy others? I have not yet figured it all out. Somedays I really just want to put it out there, and I realize that my style changes, and might not appeal to some of my readers. Then I remember that this isn't a job, this is suppose to be something just for me. Something I started out of pure want. When I remember that, I believe I do my best writing.
I like your blog a lot. I think you have a nice voice and style, and you have been supportive of my blog as well, which I truly appreciate. You are a blog that I check often and there would be a hole without you. Keep doing it, as long as you are enjoying it, and doing it for the right reasons.
Take care of yourself.

Rachel (getrealmama)

At September 22, 2010 at 3:26 PM , Blogger Sommer J said...

Memos isinspiring because you love every bit of motherhood and family-life. Your son guest-posting on Father's Day was one of th ebest blog posts I've ever read. I really laughed and cried, haha. I hope your world is all right again! Be as vague as you want, it's what keeps people coming back for more!! Have a wonderful day!

At September 23, 2010 at 8:37 AM , Blogger flyrish said...

Oh, Adriel, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time. We understand if you need to take a little blog break, but I agree with others that this blog should be for you first and it's clear that you get so much out of it. Your blog inspires me -- you've worked so hard and accomplished so much in such a short time. And with beautiful results! I was so flattered and honored to be a guest poster here. Truly. Please keep it up for you and for us. Sending genuine hugs your way!

At September 23, 2010 at 12:58 PM , Blogger Angel said...

I am a little late to this comment party, but I just read this post and felt I had to comment. I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time, I know it is especially hard when you have a teething little one on top of it(I am right there with you). I have to honestly tell you, you are my favorite blog to read. I love your pictures, and often tell my sister-in-law how beautiful your pictures are. I know that I would absolutely miss your blog BECAUSE I find myself discussing it in my "real life". You are one of the kindest, most well-spoken, funniest women I have found on here. I know we have never met but I think you are a truly genuine person and I would miss you here. I truly hope things get better soon!!

At September 24, 2010 at 8:01 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog was one of the first I came across and I connected with just a few short months ago. The funny thing is we start writing for different reasons and as said above yours is filled with great stories, inspiration and is inspired by your little guy... so many people love this blog but it's your blog. And, you are right, no need to apologize if you miss a few days or even take a break... Another way to look at it is your blog and blogging (expressing yourself) may help you get through whatever it is that you are going through... hang in there.... lots of people sending you good wishes!


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