this one's a little raw...

So here’s the deal. It’s been a rough week in my little world. And when I say rough I mean it’s been an “I’m-only-getting-out-of-bed-because-that’s-the-adult-thing-to-do” sort of week.

Well, that and the fact that I have a precious baby who needs me.

And now here I am breaking a promise I made to myself: I’m writing an “explanation post.”

Please don’t take this personally, but I’ve never much liked it when bloggers post things like, “I’m sorry I’ve not posted in a while… but I’ve had a lot of laundry lately, blah, blah, blah.” Because the way I see it, it’s your blog, post when you want, or when you can, but don’t make apologies about it. {Just my opinion.}

But I suppose I feel a little differently at the moment because I abruptly stopped posting right in the middle of a series where I was featuring some amazing guest bloggers… and I guess I feel like I’ve ripped them off a little.

For that, and for lost momentum, I’m so sorry.

The truth is, some stuff has happened in my personal world that stopped me in my tracks. It’s what I would call an upper cut to the jaw followed by a swift left hook. (I'm speaking metaphorically here – no actual punch outs or beatings, so you can go ahead and relax about that.)

But yeah, I was blindsided. (And, yeah, I’m still quite sore.)

As much as I know that writing about it would actually help me to process… in this case, I just can’t (well not here anyway). So I’ll have to leave my references vague. And no, I’m not going to say more than that.

Frustrating, right?

I know. I’m sorry. And yet that’s the way it has to be.

If I explained I know you’d understand. But since I can’t you’ll just have to take my word for it. And I do have a point to this post that’s more than just telling you that I’m coming back and dropping some vague references to an ambiguous hardship… (Are you confused yet?)

I’m going to be resuming the Moms Who Work series tomorrow, or maybe the day after. And—like I promised—I really do have a few more gems for you during the rest of the series. I know you’ll love it.

But in the meantime, I’m going to ask something of you. You may think I’m being egocentrical, and maybe I am, but I’m going to take that risk. Because… I need this.

Here’s what I want to ask of you:

Will you please tell me what the Memos means to you? Why do you read this blog? How is my little corner of the blogosphere effecting your life? {Because if it isn’t, then I’ve got some serious re-evaluating to do.}

Don’t get me wrong, I have been loving pouring myself into this blog over the last four+ months… and I have about a million (ok, 47) topics queued up, just waiting to be written about. (That doesn’t include the ones that are just floating around my head.) I’ve loved not only the writing, but the designing, the crafting, the connecting, the challenge, the creative expression, the discipline, the brain-stretching and stimulation, and the genuine friends that have been born out of it.

But as much as I’ve loved it, I’m at a crossroads—one that I didn’t see coming—and I need to know it’s worth it to continue. Quite simply, I need some reassurance here, some encouragement.

Can you help me? Just this once? Can you tell me what I need to hear?

Don’t flatter me. Don’t give me fluffy internet hugs (unless you really mean it). Just give it to me straight.

I’m looking for a little honest confirmation.

Why should I keep the Memos going?

And to those of you who’ve asked… yes, I’m okay. I’m definitely dealing with some stuff I’d rather not be dealing with… and my little world has been rocked hard… but I’ve crawled back out from under my rock and I know I’ll be ok.

Know this: my baby is good, my marriage is good, overall life is good. We’re all fine. And yet even the best of lives also contain hardship, and some interruptions, and some… pain. {You know that, right?}

But yeah, I’m ok. Thanks for asking.

And now, as unprofessional as this feels, and as much as I know I’ll probably regret this tomorrow, I’m going to go ahead and hit “publish”… because it’s my blog and I’ll humiliate myself if I really feel it’s necessary. (And heck, if I end up regretting it too much when I wake up in the morning, I'll just delete it and "pretend" it never posted.)

Right now, I don’t care about my reputation. What I do care about is making sure that this is all worth it.

So please, tell me why in the world you like to read what I have to say. I just need to know.

love,

P.S. If you’re new here… I cringe at the thought of this being an introduction to the Memos. I swear, I’m not a killjoy; I’m not usually depressing. Go read Dear Naptime or I Gots Me Some Mama Badges or something else that will make you laugh. Or go to the Besties and find something there. Just ignore this post – my one post that I’ve written without you in mind. Forgive me for being a little narcissistic here. It had to be done… I think. {shudder}

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
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