i wanna be a rockstar when i grow up

"When you were a little girl, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

This is one of my favorite questions to ask people when I first meet them. As fun and whimsical as it is as an icebreaker, it can also tell you so much about a person. Because as children, we were free to dream without someone telling us we’re being silly or illogical or unrealistic. As children we weren’t worried about the schooling involved, the required qualifications, the upfront expenses, or what the paycheck would be later on.

Heck, we weren’t even worried about being talented enough. Because, you know, it was before all those dreaded insecurities sneakily made their way into our beings.

We lived by the slogans of the US Army and Nike: Be All That You Can Be and Just Do It.

And then—usually somewhere around high school, or perhaps even middle school—someone “talks some sense” into us. And all of a sudden we no longer want to be a ferris wheel operator or a ballet dancer… we want to be a real estate broker. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a broker… but it sure doesn’t sound as fun or as romantic as being a rodeo cowgirl, now does it?)

Just as most kids do, I had my fair share of fleeting career aspirations, which largely stemmed from watching too many movies and TV shows. I wanted to be: a nanny with superpowers (Mary Poppins), a fighter pilot (Top Gun), an astronaut (Space Camp), a BMXer (RAD), an attorney (Perry Mason), a doctor (The Cosby Show), a detective (Murder She Wrote), or a princess (you-name-it-Disney-movie).

But I also had a few longer-lasting career ambitions as a child:

The Mommy.

The appeal: Moms fix boo-boos, kiss babies, decorate the house, and choose the menu.   All things I couldn’t wait to be in charge of. (Apparently I didn’t notice the chores, the errands, the actual cooking of the menu, and the sleepless nights.)

The Rock Star.

The appeal: Rock stars are loud, bold, dramatic, wear cool clothes, star in awesome music videos, and can make large groupings of people sing along with them whenever they want to. (I’m still waiting for my lucky break into the music biz.)

The Broadway Star.

The appeal: Broadway stars sing, dance, take on other personas, wear pretty costumes, and get the boy. Oh, and they have flowers thrown at them every time they perform well. (Too bad my six-year-old self dropped out of ballet because they wouldn’t let me dance. But who could blame me? They just kept making me stand there {gasp} and called it fifth position or something. Borrr-ing.)

The Pediatrician.

The appeal: Pediatricians help mommies with their babies, give advice about caring for children, and help make kids and families feel better. (The bajillion years of necessary schooling eventually turned me off from this one.)

The President.

The appeal: The President works for justice, establishes laws, serves people for their common good, creates a better life through education and health care, forges new territory, and makes friends with other nations. (As a child I never thought about being in charge of things like the economy or war… Being President doesn’t look nearly as glamorous to me as it used to.)

So that’s my short list – the five careers I “seriously” considered between the ages of three and… thirteen.

Fast forward to fifteen years since leaving high school, and I’ve now had the opportunity to be a number of things: a preschool worker, a janitor, a bartender, a waitress, a popcorn server at the movies, a customer service rep at a bank, a tele-surveyor, a secretary, a public relations exec for a local government branch, a Bible teacher, a self employed minister, and a full-time volunteer for a non-profit.

Not one of those fit into my top five childhood career ambitions… until January.

In January I became a mom.

Maybe I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up…

Or maybe I do.

As a mom I fix boo-boos, kiss babies, decorate the house, and choose the menu. I’m sometimes loud, usually bold, often dramatic, star in all sorts of (G-rated) family home videos, and try to wear cool clothes. I definitely like to make others sing along, and I’m constantly making up songs and dancing for—and with—my baby. I take on other personas (during story time). I wear pretty costumes and I got the boy (who often throws flowers at me *blush*). I try to help other mommies with their babies. I sometimes share tips about caring for the children. And I do my best to help make kids and families feel better. I work for justice, establish laws, serve people, create a better life through education and health care, and forge new territory… in our home and in the little world we live in.

Yes. I am… a mom.

And us moms? I’m pretty sure we do it all.

We work dang hard, both at home and beyond… sometimes with lots of pay and recognition, and often with very little.

We put in long-hours. We work through our lunch breaks. We rarely get a sick day or a “mental health” day. We continue working right through our vacations. And we never, ever sign off at 5:00pm.

But we do it knowing that the future is curled up on our laps and drooling all over our clothes. We do it knowing it’s a future worth working hard for.

It’s good to be a mom.

And you?

Dear friends, as a child, what did you want to be “when you grew up”?   How can you see your childhood fantasies being worked out in your life now?  Do you recognize your dreams taking another form?  What is one thing that you need to do that you always dreamed of doing?

dreaming of my packed out stadium,


{This post was originally published as a guest post on Nirvana Mamma on September 11, 2011}

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2011
do not reproduce without written permission

quality time or quantity time - which is more important?

Some people say that it’s not about how much time you spend with your kids, it’s about the quality of time you spend with them.

I say that’s rubbish.

Kids need time with their parents. They need to know that their parents are present in their lives. They need to know their parents are available. They need to know that their parents are approachable, interruptible, and not too busy giving everything else priority.

They need parents around to teach them by example – to model good behavior, display character, and impart family values. You can’t do this in short bursts or just through verbal teaching and instruction. It has to be lived-out in the day-to-day aspects of life for them to see and absorb and follow your lead.

Anyone who says that you can cram all of those things into “quality time” alone has obviously not spent much time with kids.

Kids with absent parents often grow up feeling insecure, inadequate, or like they need to work really hard to gain approval or success (which will, in turn, gain them some attention). Although I’m no psychologist or parenting expert, I’ve personally seen this pattern many times with adult friends who have had to overcome these hurdles… many of which—upon reflecting on their childhoods—would say that having absent parents (one or both) contributed to their insecurities as adults.

So… kids need quantity time. They need parents who are around.

But kids also need quality time. Just being with them (in quantity) is not enough either.

I can be a stay-at-home mom (or a work-from-home mom) and be around Levi all the time, and yet still not give him the quality time that he needs.

If I’m not careful I can run around all day with him on one hip getting chores done or doing loads of laundry, and then move him from one activity area to another while I sit “with” him (but actually absent) and bang out emails or do my online banking. I could spend hours being with him but not with him.

Kids need more than us just being with them physically. They need us to be present with them intentionally – both mentally and emotionally (quality time).

Again, kids with absent parents often grow up feeling insecure, inadequate, or like they need to work really hard to gain approval or success (which will, in turn, gain them some attention).

But you can be absent even if you are there. So this goes both ways – when parents are just not around… or when they are around but are not present.

Some of us find quantity time easier to achieve but lack in quality time. And others of us find quality time easier to achieve but lack in quantity time. Both are necessary to raise well-adjusted kids who will move into the future knowing they are not only loved, but valued as individuals and as people.

No matter if parents are working outside of the home or not, children need both quality and quantity time in order to see that they are important to us and that they matter. It’s our responsibility to see how we can be creative and make that happen, even with our varying work schedules and commitments. (And it is possible. My husband works full time outside of the home and yet still gives incredible quantity time to our son - he's ordered his life to be able to do so.)

It’s a challenge, but—in my opinion—it’s a responsibility that we took on as soon as we said “yes” to becoming parents. It’s up to us to work out the details and find ways to give of ourselves – both in quantity and quality time. The outworking of that may look different from day to day or month to month, but in the grand scheme of things gaps—in either quality or quantity—will lead to regrets.

And those are regrets that I’m trying my best to avoid.

Dear friends, what are you doing to try and ensure that you give your kids both quality and quantity time to the best of your ability? I've voiced some strong opinion on this post. Do you agree? Disagree? Why??

trying to prioritize well,

I decided to jump back on the bandwagon. 
Would you care to vote for the Memos?



 Have you registered your blog here yet?

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

who wants to hear from a hunky aussie bloke? (a "daddy chats" vlog)

{This is the final post of the Moms Who Work series.}




Have you met this man yet? The one with the cute Australian accent?

He is my husband... my hunk-o-spunk.


He is the man I adore more than any other man on earth. He looked like this (bright-eyed and suntanned) when we took our trip to Spain last year. (This photo still makes me drool.)


{It's no wonder we came home with an extra family member from that trip... our little souvenir named Levi.}


In wrapping up this series, I asked Ryan to comment on the subject of Moms Who Work. (I didn't ask Levi to comment... but he did anyway.)


This is what they had to say...




What a treasure he is... wouldn't you agree? (Oh, and Levi too.) And what a breath of fresh air to hear from a man with a well-balanced perspective on motherhood (in my opinion at least).


I hope you enjoyed this little video... my first ever vlog. (Well, Ryan's first-ever to be precise.)


We're going to be doing "Daddy Chats" vlogs every now and then on the Memos so that you can hear from a dad's perspective on different parenting topics. So this is the first of (hopefully) many times you'll get to check out my man, hear some good daddy wisdom, and swoon over his good looks and adorable Aussie accent.


Oh, and just so you know... Ryan got all gadgety with this video and added in the intro and closing, complete with the little blurbs of music. I told him to set the bar a little lower so I wouldn't have to measure up next time... but he insisted. He's gadgety like that. And creative. (Plus he'll take any excuse to "play" on his macbook that he can get.) So thanks for that babe. It looks awesome. 


Dear mommy-friends, this brings the Moms Who Work series to a close. What stood out to you most from this series? What is your "take home" message?


grateful to be a mom who works,

The Moms Who Work series:

• All moms work hard  
• How to be a stay-at-home mom without losing your marbles 
• Mom on a wire: finding balance and sanity in a home with two working parents
• You have spoken: the best and worst of being a working mom (away from home)
• How I became a pediatrician turned stay-at-home mom
• The pros and cons of being a work-from-home mom
• From home to work or work to home: speaking up about the transition process
• Back to work: tips for how to prepare for the transition after maternity leave
• Are stay-at-home moms 1950ish? (readers speak up about the best and worst of being a SAHM)
• 4 ways single moms are thriving 
• 8 tips for running a business as a work-from-home mom 
• Mom hat, student hat: important tips for studying moms 
• Hey honey, why don't you stay home with the baby while I go back to work? 
• What you wish others knew about being a mom
• Who wants to hear form a hunky Aussie bloke? (A "Daddy Chats" vlog)

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission

what we wish others knew about being a hard-working mom

{This post is part of the Moms Who Work series.}

Have you ever been misunderstood? 

I know, I know… loaded question. Let me make that question more specific…

Have you ever been misunderstood in your role or decision to work full-time away from home? Or be a stay-at-home mom? Or any other scenario you’ve chosen in regards to your work?

Even though I’m still relatively new to motherhood and staying home with my baby (most of the time at least), I’ve already had many opportunities for people to ask me the question, “What do you DO all day?”

No doubt they mean well—and they truly are curious and want to understand—so I try my best to answer politely in hopes that I can give them the little glimpse that they’re hoping for. But even with my best efforts I don’t think that anyone can ever really understand what a SAHM does all day until they’ve tried it themselves for a period of time.

I, for one, had no idea the amount of time and energy it takes to look after young children full-time, and then try to also keep house, do the shopping, plan meals, maintain some part-time volunteer work, have time for friends, stay well-connected with my extended family, and keep my relationship with my husband thriving. (Not to mention trying to fit in things for myself like prayer, exercise, reading, and other hobbies.)

Even as someone who babysat from the time I was ten years old, nannied infant twins full-time, and then worked in early childhood education for four years, I was still in for a rude awakening in regards to what it’s like to stay home full time with a baby of my own.

Oh. My. Goodness. I have seriously never worked harder in my life. Nor have I ever had to be so deliberate about not losing my marbles.

I desperately wish there was a way to adequately communicate what it is like to those who would like to know. (Let me know if you’ve discovered it.) 

There's also a good handful of other things that I wish people could understand... like why I'm home all day but some days seemingly get absolutely nothing done. Or why it was much easier for me to get my daily dose of Oprah while I was working full-time than it is now that I'm home. Or why cooking a nice dinner after getting home from working all day felt easier than it does now that I'm home and have the opportunity to start preparing even earlier.... I'll stop now, but my list goes on... 

In saying that, I also realize that as a SAHM I can’t fully understand what it’s like being a full-time working mom away from home. Of course that position comes with a completely different set of challenges, not to be downplayed or brushed over. No doubt working moms wish us SAHMs would have better insight into what it’s like for them.

We could all use a little understanding. We could all use a little empathy. After all, ALL moms work hard.

I asked readers what they wished other people knew about the position they are in, whether they are a SAHM, a working mom (away from home), or a work-at-home mom.

Here’s what you had to say…

A Little R&R said... 

I wish they would take seriously what I do. Some people think you work in your PJs and are not professional. I am just as professional as the lady in an office...it’s just my office is in my living room.

(A work-from-home mom.)

Mandy said...

I wish others understood just how much work goes into being a full-time mom. People often say to me, "Oh you’re lucky, you get to just stay at home all day and have fun". And yes, that is true to a certain extent. But it’s not always as glamorous as people make it out to be. There are times when it is just down right frustrating. “A screaming baby, spit up everywhere, a messy house, the dog threw up on the carpet, I have to pee, when was the last time I showered?, oh great someone is knocking at the door and I'm nursing, Ah, I can't reach my phone and I really need to take this call, explosive diapers, more crying..." and the list goes on. It's truly, truly a mess sometimes. But a beautiful mess, and one that I'm so grateful for. 

(A stay-at-home mom who also does photography part-time.)

cooperl788 said... 

I wish that others understood that even though it's a choice to stay home, that I still feel frustrated with my choice, just like every person. I really wish others would understand that I'm busy all day - I don't sit at home and watch soap operas all day. I'm cooking, cleaning, growing my child's mind – homemaking! 

(A stay-at-home mom.)

Baby Boberg & Parents said... 

That I'm still working hard. I'm not just sitting on the couch watching soaps and eating bon bons. I have a lot to get done everyday and that all has to be balanced with taking care of a child that demands all my attention. 

(A stay-at-home mom.)

Kristen T. said... 

It's not a competition! I'm not in a "who is the best mom" competition with stay-at-home moms. Just because I brought in Rice Krispie squares, and you made perfect, uniquely decorated cupcakes -- I'm not a bad mom! 

(A full-time work-away-from-home mom.)

Maryline said... 

Others don't often realize the time I have left to myself is close to zero. I need to sacrifice sleep to fit in the exercising, the blogging, etc. 

(A full-time work-away-from-home mom.)

HRH Mommy said... 

In the Netherlands (where I'm from) moms work and the kids are in day care. The responses I receive from both family and friends are less than supportive when I mention that I'd prefer to be a SAHM. I have a Masters Degree and therefore am expected to work and make $$. After I became a mom that all changed for me. Being a mom is so much more rewarding than the $$ any job would pay. Luckily my hubby is all for me being a SAHM, though at the moment I will be returning to work, simply since things have been slow (hubby is self-employed) and we need the extra $$. 

(A part-time work-away-from-home mom.)

Making It Work Mom said... 

I guess that I just want everyone to understand that I am always doing the best that I can. That I am constantly trying to manage everything. I don't work because I don't like to be a mother, but I do enjoy my job. 

(A full-time work-away-from-home mom.)

KDC Events said... 

Just because I am not at the office and at home, does not mean I am on vacation, having a day off or eating bon bons! I am working just as hard, if not HARDER!!! 

(A part-time work-away-from home mom and part-time work-from-home mom.)

Nya's mom said... 

Umm. I wish that others understood that in choosing to return to work, I did not choose work over my daughter. Both in my real life and online, when I was in the stage of figuring out whether I would return to work, I received some responses from stay-at-home moms who implied that in returning to work, I would be, essentially, putting my self interests over those of my daughter. That hurt!   (A part-time work-away-from home mom and part-time work-from-home mom.)

Further reading in this series:

• All moms work hard  
• How to be a stay-at-home mom without losing your marbles 
• Mom on a wire: finding balance and sanity in a home with two working parents
• You have spoken: the best and worst of being a working mom (away from home)
• How I became a pediatrician turned stay-at-home mom
• The pros and cons of being a work-from-home mom
• From home to work or work to home: speaking up about the transition process
• Back to work: tips for how to prepare for the transition after maternity leave
• Are stay-at-home moms 1950ish? (readers speak up about the best and worst of being a SAHM)
• 4 ways single moms are thriving 
• 8 tips for running a business as a work-from-home mom 
• Mom hat, student hat: important tips for studying moms 
• Hey honey, why don't you stay home with the baby while I go back to work?

Dear mommy-friends, can you relate to these moms? What do you wish other moms understood about what you do? Or how about those who aren't moms... like your husbands, bosses, coworkers, single or childless friends, or relatives? And lastly, what can you do to be more gracious and understanding toward other moms who are in a different position than you are?

working at being more gracious,

adriel booker | the mommyhood memos | 2010 
do not reproduce without written permission